Accountability for actions

[Ang1231]

If you have took accountability for lying abojt your past to your partner but u neber lied about present things and neber would to them why would they keep saying u haven't taken accountability when you have apologised a million times and tried to explain I did out of fear vecayse I panicked but I did come out and tell him the truth and that u shouldn't of lied in the first place

Do u think

I wouldn’t give this the time of day. He sounds awful, what is it about him that keeps drawing you back?

Demanding intimate details and lie detector tests is all so controlling and immature. Gather up your self respect and move on. Refuse to engage with his nonsense, he will always manipulate the situation to make you look bad.

Tell him to fuck off and grow up. (him not you!)

He sounds awful, you've no need to justify yourself to him, there's nothing to be accountable for.

He's using this 'sin' as a reason to be abusive and berate you, don't let him.

Lie detector my arse, who does he think he is, Jeremy Kyle?!

I'd put money on there being some pretty big things he's done that he hasn't told you about and he's diverting attention by keeping on about these complete non-events.

He shoudn't even have asked you the question, it's none of his business.

He’s not bothered that you lied he’s probably just jealous that you went with someone else. Which is double standards seen as he also slept with someone else. I don’t get why you’re putting up with it. To go forward he needs to forget it all, move on and never mention it again and if he can’t do that you’re just going to keep wasting time going round in circles

This is a horrble way to live, and this relationship cannot be saved. It's only a question of how long the death throes last.

The kindest thing for both of you would be for you to end this permanently. And this time, block him and keep him blocked.

Have you ever had therapy? On your own, not couples therapy.

I don't mean that in a nasty way, more that it's concerning how badly you're happy to let this guy treat you and just accept it because you seem to feel you've done something wrong that you have to "take accountability for".

I can't see anything you've done wrong. Your partner is making you think you have because it gives him control over you and gets you to grovel to him. It's a horrible manipulative way for him to treat you! You are worth so much more basic respect and consideration than that. Even if you were a horrible person, which I'm sure you're very much not.

I apologised for ever lying to him about the past Ias a lie is a lie and I really have but just says you aint took accountability for it and I have I was just scared becsyse the oast didn't happen how I wanted ut too because it should of been him in my whole life not them but where I couldn't change that when he asked me I panicked and lied. Everyday I wish I could go back to that day when he moved and told him how I felt and none of the invetween would of happened but back then ur not the same person and only with time u look back and wish u was that person back then but he dont try to understand im not a liar as would neber lie abojt anything in present ever

He’ll continue to use this as a weapon to beat you with for the rest of your life.

”The One” is your cheerleader, not your judge, and not your tormentor

you need to move on

You cannot rewrite your past. You learn from it. You have done nothing wrong , the choices you made were based on your circumstances at that time. You have nothing to be ashamed of nothing to be sorry for. You are with a horrible abusive controlling partner. You need to leave him and have nothing more to do with him.

Any person who asks another to do a lot detector test is controlling. I have been there and it’s horrible.
You sound very vulnerable and lacking in confidence right now, as if your whole world depends on this man’s forgiveness.
Sadly, he doesn’t know what love is.

I'd be looking back and wishing I'd never messaged him and got back together....

Why do you think it's acceptable for him to treat you like this? Why do you not think you're worth more than that?

You will never be able to win this- he has made it so that you feel accountable to him for what you did when you weren’t in a relationship with him. Now he is engineering the situation so that you are always going to be trying to make it up to him, and he is always going to have this as a reason not to commit to you or treat you nicely. He’s never going to admit that you have “done enough”.

Please think about ending this because it is going to do nothing for you but make you unhappy.

OP he has twisted you all up into knots. Can you see that?

So you lied - in self-defence, because you knew that he would use this against you forever, even though you did absolutely nothing wrong by seeing other people while you weren't together. This is NOT a normal or reasonable thing for him to be upset about, which is why you haven't done anything wrong.

You actually had a perfectly reasonable self-protective instinct in lying. Because it's not something that any normal partner would expect of you in the first place.

He keeps saying that you "haven't taken accountability" because his thinking is so screwed up that he is not being rational, he will never be rational about this. It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do. He would have come up with some imagined crime and berated you for it anyway. And he is unlikely ever to stop.

This man is dangerously controlling and possessive. Men who kill their partners or former partners often display this kind of irrational level of possessiveness. I actually think you are at extreme risk. Please talk to everybody you can in real life about this, and consider contacting Women's Aid, or a local coercive control support unit, for some advice and targeted support.

See this video/article about murder: https://news.sky.com/story/off-limits-who-is-most-likely-to-kill-you-11734990

And download this free PDF of the most life-changing book: https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

And here is a selection of ways you can get into contact with women's aid. You don't need to give your name and they won't report to the police. There may be an option for example of counselling. It is totally your choice what you do, and nobody will force you to do anything. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Please be cautious about your internet history if you think your partner might realise that you are looking at these resources.