Learn to drive or buy new house?!

[CreamLampshade]

I know these are two quite different things. But would be grateful for your thoughts! Context: baby no.1 due June 2025, I don’t drive and currently live in a smallish terraced house with a v small box room for the baby and no green space within walking distance. We have a spiral staircase which I’m worried will be a death trap for a baby. There is also only one nice coffee shop 20 mins walk away, and the area is quite rough and in a bit of a no man’s land between lots of things.

If I use public transport, I can get to a range of parks, loads of baby activities and places with more restaurants etc within 30 mins. This however feels a really long time with a baby especially on maternity leave where I’ll feel knackered and probably just want to go for a quick walk somewhere green and a coffee somewhere nice and close?

If I drive all of these things are more like 10-15 mins away.

On the other hand I could get a bigger mortgage and move further out to. Which is more suburban and not necessarily my vibe. But I could get a bigger house with more space and better proximity to coffee shops etc this way. I would have to reduce my pension contributions to release mt salary but I’m currently paying a very high percentage as I was interesting in retiring early. This seems maybe like less of a priority now, maybe I should sacrifice this is a bit for happiness and convenience in the moment? I’ve always lived in shitty places and part of me thinks when baby comes it would be nice to be somewhere that feels safe and green.

It is a much bigger financial commitment tho and I could probs fix the issues with this house for an extra £20k which I could borrow from the bank on top of my mortgage.

I also feel this is now or never as I don’t want to make mum friends and then have to move away. But maybe it’s ok to make mum friends in this new area anyway by going to baby groups there as it’s 30 min on the bus or 15 mins in a car hence wondering if I should just learn to drive! For some reason the idea of having to get on the bus a lot is making me feel anxious but maybe I’m overthinking this?! There are a few baby things within walking distance here too like swimming lessons and mum walks etc. I’m just aware at some point we will want to move due to the box room.

WwyD?

yabu - learn to drive
Yanbu - move now to bigger house

I would prioritise learn to drive

I voted move to a bigger house on the basis that house prices rise faster than driving lesson prices.

I would learn to drive. I couldn't cope with not being able to drive to everything I need to with the kids.

Oh also the new house would have a proper garden whereas the one I have is not child friendly.

plus I’m a bit terrified of learning to drive!

Have you considered the costs of buying and running a car? New driver insurance is often close to £2k.

I'd go for the new house but you could do neither and spend what you would have spent running a car on taxis.

@BangFlash yea good point. We do actually own a car. It’s just that I can’t drive it - DH can.

House 100%. I lived in a horrible place in an inconvenient area with my 2 kids and even though I could get the bus to a nicer area for baby groups etc I still had to come back home and it made me miserable

I moved and it's been life changing. I'm so much happier and there's much more to do on my doorstep. I don't drive and get the bus but I don't mind it at all, I'd rather live here and get the bus places.

Mortgage 1st as once you have a child the amount banks will lend you will reduce

Drive. As you meet mum friends and the kids become toddlers they will all want to go for walks or visit the National Trust every other week. Much easier amd more choice for childcare.

House, spiral staircase, no decent garden I'd move.

As you already have a house. I voted learn to drive, it makes life with children much easier when you live somewhere with poor public transport. Insurance isn't too bad if you are an older new licence holder. But if you want to do it fast I'd just learn automatic. It'll be harder to learn sleep deprived with a little one.

Learning to drive is a must I would say. Life is just so much more convenient if you have a car you can pop the baby in to get out of the house easily.

But since you have a car would it be possible for your DH to teach you to drive? That would save you a lot of money and buying a house becomes more achievable. Before baby comes you can use evenings and weekends to go and half an hour at a time so not a big time commitment. Once youve broken the back of learning the rudiments then you can book some professional lessons and a test.

House - with a good look at school catchments before you buy.

House with a driveway, then car. You’ll need both.

Can you summarise? I think learning to drive is always a good thing.

But YABU for shoe-horning this into an AIBU question for whatever reason.

House with no spiral staircase and with a garden.

Then drive.

You could find you take six months to pass your test. Then you'll have maybe another couple of months you'll be too big/exhausted to drive. Then you'll forget things you've recently learned.
The timings not the best. Plus will DH want you using 'his' car? Presumably he needs it for commuting?

Learn to drive now. Whilst you don't have to coordinate childcare

Move house next year or the year after

I never got too big or too exhausted to drive

I drove on my due date

And i was huge

I’d move, but i’d learn to drive regardless as I can’t imagine not driving with kids

I can drive, but I don't drive with my children unless unavoidable - it's too stressful. They loved the bus when they were small, and they still prefer it to the car. They are also great walkers. I would focus on the house.

I vote move. Make sure you consider how your life will work over the next few years by that I mean how will you get to work from the new house? is it walkable? Or is there reliable transport?
Look at school catchments and the nursery you would want little one in. Can you/ your husband get there on the way to work?
I bought my house when my son was 1 and had another shortly after. We bought where I could walk to school on my way to work. Its also a nice walk through a park where he rides his bike to school. My youngest one then goes to a nursery nearby as well. My DP was interested in moving to the surrounding villages which while lovely would have left me being the chauffer for our kids as I work more flexibly then him so I vetoed it. We are now very close to a wide range of hobbies that my kids can do and all in walking distance.
Both of mine hated the car as babies andiked the buggy so I avoided using the car as much as possible and only really tended to do the linger journeys when DP was with me at the weekend.

Definitely move house.
I'm assuming your DH drives when they are off work and gives you lifts if possible because you said you have a family car.
You can learn to drive down the line but a more suitable house, nicer area - its a no brainer.

I think I would move first if finances allow it, then driving lessons could come later. The move will be so worth it as your child starts to grow. I couldn't cope without a garden personally.

Would you be able to get the mortgage to move? You have to inform them of any big foreseeable changes to your income, which mat leave and then childcare definitely fall under. This may make your decision for you.

I hated having to use a car with a baby.

You have to get everything out to the car, with the baby. Put baby in car - baby car seats are an utter pain. Get pram in car. Drive, with baby screaming because they hate the car seat. Find car park. Get pram out and put all the baby stuff in the pram - baby still screaming. Undo all the stupid straps on the car seat, settle and cuddle baby before baby will consent to getting back into pram.

Getting a bus sounded much nicer.