Grandparent visits how to tell them to go home?

[Jshnk]

My mum likes coming over to ours mid week to see the grandkids. She lives an hour away (we are all in London) and usually comes around 4.30 when kids finish their clubs. Thats all fine and good but she then doesn't leave till 8 or even later. The kids don't go to bed till really late and we rush around trying to fit shower, tasks etc and get totally frazzled.

I don't want to be rude but have no idea how to tell her it's time to go. Hints that she really needs to go by 7.30 at the latest don't work. How best to put it without offending?

Do you think she's sort of waiting for the kids to go to bed so then she can spend some adult time with you? My sister will often come over, we'll go off to do bedtime, leave her watching TV and then come back down and have kid free time.

What age are your kids?

as LeopardsANeutral says, I think she may crave adult company even more than spending time with grandkids. Can you maybe get your DH to take over more of the bedtime routine on that day so you can sit and have a visit with your mum? I do understand your dilemma, though. She might think she's being rude by rushing off just after dinner!

Could you give her 2 options? Either she helps, and they get to bed on time, or she cuts back to visiting once a fortnight/once a month so the late bedtime doesn’t matter so much? Tell her they can’t cope with a late night more often than that

I'd try talking to her through the kids- "OK kids, time to say bye bye to Grandma now as its time to get you into upstairs and into bed- go and give her a big hug and kiss before she heads off", get everyone to say their goodbyes and hope she then leaves.

Or I'd go with "right mum, can you help child x into PJs for me while I get child Y's teeth cleaned?" (I.e., just tell her she has a job, don't ask or wait for her to offer)

Or I'd have more of a quiet word to say that actually, the kids are really overtired at school and current arrangement isn't working. You love having her round regulary and her, but please could she leave by X time as the kids need to be in bed earlier on weeknights.

Young children do need their sleep. A delay of 90 minutes can make them tired the next day and also put them out of routine. The Grandmother is putting herself before the children.

As nice as it is for your mum, your kids needs come first before their grandmother's and they need sleep. Their brains are still developing right up to adulthood and staying in a good sleep routine is one of the best things for that.

Tell her you need to have them in bed at particular times so she needs to leave earlier for these visits to work. That seems fairly inoffensive and straightforward.

If you get pushback only then I'd go a little more harsh to get the point across and tell her you have to put their needs before hers. If you phrase it like that, how can she refuse? They're children, she's an adult.

Why can't daily life just go on at normal tomes whilst she's there.? Eg normal shower ,bed times etc. Just don't get this at all.

Can you just very obviously start the bedtime routine and say sorry mum have to get cracking. She can either stay and warch tv etc or go

If you can’t “control” your mums approach. Control your children!

tell them they’re getting tired and horrible and need to be ready for bed early. They can see grandma when they’re clean and in their pjs. Then they need to go off to bed, alone, so you can spend half an hour with Grandma for adult time.

you’ll probably need to start this conversation a day after a visit, and remind them regularly until her next one.

@Jshnk The having to sit with your child until they sleep is the pinch point here, thats something you do need to do something about.

night night, sleeep well, love you, pull door to and go and have a chat with your mum.

drop the showers and the other rigid routine stuff that won’t carry any memories for your children in future and be thankful that she’s travelled one hour to see them. i would even drop the clubs in favour of allowing them and her to spend more time together.

Just let her know the kids struggle going to bed late when she visits, and ask her if she could leave an hour earlier. Sure she won’t mind

If you’re too scared to tell the truth and send her home, just book in an extra club so she can’t come.

Stick to your normal routine, kids shower and jammies at their usual time etc.

GP's can either help out or watch the news on TV (other channel available on request).