To take time off work with no notice?

[Holaluluulu]

I was raped at the beginning of the month. I didn’t tell anyone and tried to just bulldoze my way through things. Ive only just told my husband what happened. But I can’t keep doing it anymore. I think I have PTSD. I’m not sleeping. I can’t eat. I can’t concentrate on anything. I keep having nightmares. I feel awful and unsafe all of the time. Like I’m waiting for it to happen to me again. I know that’s not true but I can’t shake the feeling.

The thing is work is really busy at the moment. There are so many deadlines pressing down on me. I haven’t told anyone in work that anything is wrong and I think have seemed my usual happy self. It helps that I work from home so easier to hide. I’m going to the GP today and I think I’m going to ask that I’m signed off for a few weeks to help me catch my breath and get back to me.

But I’m worried about work. I really can’t afford to lose my job. Will it look bad that I haven’t told anyone anything until now? And the first they’ll hear of anything being wrong is me disappearing off for a few weeks? Especially when it’s busy?

I feel guilty that I’m not coping. But I’m not. I’m falling apart. I had an ectopic pregnancy earlier in the year and took time off then as well. I thought I was a more robust person that this.

OMG OP, this is not the time to think of work. Ask your GP to be signed of and most importantly to provide you with the appropriate support you need. Don't do it alone and don't, whatever the circumstances, blame yourself for what happened.

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Do what you need to do for you, work can wait. Get signed off, get support, take whatever time you need.

Of course you need time off, OP. I'm so very sorry that this has happened to you.

Please go to your GP and get yourself signed off.

I think I’m just worried it’s going to come from nowhere. I’ve seemed fine. Jolly even. Then suddenly I’m saying at the busiest time of the year I can’t manage. I know it’s a silly thing to worry about. But its a newish job (only been there just over a year). I love it and I’ve already taken 3 weeks off in February when I had an ectopic pregnancy.

If you had broken your leg and had to take time off at no notice, you would just do it!

This recovery time is needed and that's the final answer with regards to work.

I think you make it clear you had a very serious incident and have been signed off. You don't have to give full details to them right now.

I'm sorry you have had such an awful experience. Do not blame yourself for not being "robust".

I dont you have a lack of strength but rather you have had some traumatic events close together.

Contact rape crisis, they will understand exactly what you are going through and be able to signpost you to resources to support you. It's absolutely normal to feel how you feel and to need time to process this. I'd encourage you to get some help to begin to process this now rather than trying to suppress it and push through.

Absolutely do ask for time away from work and consider telling a trusted person in HR or a line manager if you feel you can, otherwise just tell your GP and ask to be signed off.

I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you get the support you need to recover. You aren't alone.

Thank you @AltitudeCheck

Get signed off then get your husband to take you to the police station and please report this!

I’m not going to report it. I know that’s not the right thing to do but I can’t drag myself or my family through it. I just need to get myself better. If I see the GP/ rape crisis will they report it?

Sod work, you are more important and you have to prioritise yourself at this time. I wouldn’t have thought that you need to declare when this happened to work or need to justify any reason for a delay, you are processing this in your own way - I would be surprised if you were challenged on this.

I’m so sorry xxx

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I don't think they are allowed to report it without your consent. I hope you get the help you need.

However, please consider reporting it, for justice for yourself, but also he may do this to other women

@CheekySwan I’m not responsible for his actions.

I completely understand - you have to do what's best for you ❤

Both rape crisis and the GP will treat what you tell them in confidence. You don't have to name your rapist, your don't have to tell them details of what happened.

Medical professionals will only report what has happened to the police if you ask them to, or in exceptionally rare cases if they believe that someone else (for example a child) might be at risk of harm.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/

Some useful links and info here.

With time and support the nightmares/ flashbacks / panic you are experiencing will subside. Right now you are in the most difficult part, the initial self preservation shock is wearing off and your brain is beginning to process and make sense of this traumatic event.

No-one will report anything if you seek out help and support. Please do go and see your GP. They are a safe space. Tell them what's happened, take your husband with you if you like, and ask to be signed off to seek the support you need.

Your employer might also have access to an Employee Assistance Programme where you can access confidential support too - please look into this also.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I’m so sorry this happened and you’re suffering.

I know what it’s like to feel you can’t take time off, that things will fall apart without you, and that people will hold it against you.

I promise you, people will forget you even had time off. And more importantly, no one will remember that you didn’t - you’ll get no thanks or reward for putting your own health last.

OP, I am send you all the love. What a hideous ordeal for you have gone through and try to keep to yourself. Take the time. You are too precious to run yourself into the ground. You don't owe anyone the truth, but you may find if you can confide in someone at work the seriousness of what's happened (without giving any detail), they will allay any worries you had about being judged.

Please take care of yourself. Treat yourself as you would someone you loved.

They can't legally fire you for being signed off. If you told someone at work I think they'd be horrified and worried, not angry because you didn't say anything.

You do not need to disclose the exact reason for your sickness to your employer.

I am sure that your GP can sign you off with some generic wording on your fit note.

Please take time to recover & be kind to yourself

I'm sorry this hapened to you OP. Anyone would be struggling. Please take the time you need to come to terms with this and start to heal. Nearly all sick leave by its nature is with no notice (planned operations aside) and happens when it happens. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your mind is giving warning signs it needs support and time.

As an alternative scenario, if you try and carry on, from what you've said, I think you might come to the stage where you completely fall apart and you will not be able to carry on work anyway. That will take longer to recover from and will be harder for you. And if it helps ease your (understandable but unnecessary) guilt re work, that will mean you need more time off than possibly you do by taking the time now. You need to look after yourself, work can wait.

I hope your trip to the GP goes well and you can get some support through them and organisations such as rape crisis.

When I was assaulted two years ago I found a sexual health clinic that had nurses on site specialising in dealing with people who have been raped/sexually assaulted.

The specialist nurse went through everything with me: did all the tests for STIs, told me that they could support me if I wanted to report this to the police and signposted me to trauma counselling. I ended up having 6 EMDR therapy sessions to deal with PTSD through my local NHS trusts within a few weeks of visiting the clinic.

Nobody can force you to report anything.

Focus on yourself and forget about work for now. You can self-certify for 7 days and then go to the GP to extend your sick leave.

I am so sorry you have experienced this, I am a manager and I would be devastated to think that if a staff member of
mine was going through this that they would think they’d have to stay in work or it would look bad etc. absolutely not, say you’ve been involved in a serious incident/ assault and need time off and don’t need to share detail . I’m sure they Gp would write something appropriate or even write assault or something if needed .

do you have continued contact with the person who did this ? If through work etc then even more reason to be off. Regardless though give yourself time and space. Xx

Firstly, I'm so sorry this happened to you. How you're feeling has nothing to do with you being 'robust' or not, most people if not all would be struggling with this. Can you speak to your bosses about what's happened, are they supportive and keep confidentiality? I expect they'd understand your need to take time off with no notice, I can't imagine there being an issue with that. I think you should consider getting signed off work and look at counselling and support from a charity, another poster has put a link to NHS services and that's a good place to start. You must prioritise yourself and you're well being, certainly not work.
Lastly, I'm not going to tell you to report this to the police, that is a big step and one you should only do when you're ready and if you think you can. But it's worth considering, if only to access more support. xx

No they won't report it without your consent.