To take time off work with no notice?

[Holaluluulu]

I was raped at the beginning of the month. I didn’t tell anyone and tried to just bulldoze my way through things. Ive only just told my husband what happened. But I can’t keep doing it anymore. I think I have PTSD. I’m not sleeping. I can’t eat. I can’t concentrate on anything. I keep having nightmares. I feel awful and unsafe all of the time. Like I’m waiting for it to happen to me again. I know that’s not true but I can’t shake the feeling.

The thing is work is really busy at the moment. There are so many deadlines pressing down on me. I haven’t told anyone in work that anything is wrong and I think have seemed my usual happy self. It helps that I work from home so easier to hide. I’m going to the GP today and I think I’m going to ask that I’m signed off for a few weeks to help me catch my breath and get back to me.

But I’m worried about work. I really can’t afford to lose my job. Will it look bad that I haven’t told anyone anything until now? And the first they’ll hear of anything being wrong is me disappearing off for a few weeks? Especially when it’s busy?

I feel guilty that I’m not coping. But I’m not. I’m falling apart. I had an ectopic pregnancy earlier in the year and took time off then as well. I thought I was a more robust person that this.

This happened to my best friend when she was 18 - the first person she ever told was me, and it was 20 years later - and then only because she had a totally inexplicanble breakdown whilst we were on holiday. She is now 54 and still has PTSD as a result. But, and I am going to be very blunt about this, largely because she told nobody for decades, so the PTSD "embedded" and she was constantly fire-fighting the symptoms and tamping them down so nobody would notice. She has got a good bit better - largely because once she told me, she was eventually able to start talking and also get help.

So I am going to suggest that if there is a senior member of staff - even if not your boss - that you can trust, you should tell them. If you can't face a conversation, send them an email - sometimes putting things in writing is easier and you can think better about what to say, plus it's the start of a journey in being able to speak about it, even if in a limited way.

The other thing I would suggest is that, if there is one near you, you visit a SARC (https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/) - these are partnership services that can help, advise and refer you to appropriate support. They also have specialist police officers who you can talk to if you want, with no pressure to report, but who can explain what the process is if you change your mind.

Take care of yourself and don't feel pressured about work - they will survive without you.

I am going to add that people take time off work at short notice for all kinds of reasons.

I’ve been signed off work for 2 weeks and given some medication. The sick note said “stress related illness” so nice and vague. I told my boss that there had been an incident at the beginning of the month and I’m struggling to cope with it. She was really supportive. GP didn’t push me to do anything I didn’t want to do. Thanks all for the advice

Wishing you all the best OP. Please look after yourself as absolute number one priority!!

I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you, OP, and glad you’ve been signed off work by your GP. You shouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt about with! Forget about it for a while. You’ve experienced a traumatic event and need to prioritise your wellbeing.

I'm glad that you have been to the GP and have a sick note to give you a breather, but recovering from the trauma will take a lot longer than 2 weeks and doing it alone will not be easy. Please contact one of the help centres in your area for ongoing support.
I also understand why the thought of reporting it is too much for you now, but you may change your mind down the line, so could you record a video or write a report before you forget the salient details? There may come a time when something seemingly insignificant now, means a lot in the future.
You said you are not responsible for his actions, and of course that's true. Nothing you said or did gave him the right to rape you. However... if he's done this to you there may be other women he's done it to, before you, and if they had reported it, you might have been spared. If you can find the strength to report you may save future victims. I truly hope that you get the time you need to heal the emotional scars x