To be a bit miffed I was passed over for promotion?

[PrincessOfPreschool]

I work in a small team of 7. We have a manager and a deputy manager. The deputy, Sue, gave up her role as she wants less responsibility. Out of those who work there, I've been there the longest alongside Sue and the manager.

In a meeting last week all the staff were informed at the same time that Barbara will be our new deputy manager. Barbara joined a year ago and is very good at her job but had considerable time off in Jan last year (4 weeks) and recently has been off since mid Sept - back in Jan - after an op. We all work part time but guess who has had to cover most of Barbara's hours - for various reasons? Not something I wanted and I have found it difficult (at the same time as having some other challenges in my life - now resolved).

I feel miffed:
A. I wasn't asked if I want the job (I don't really but it would have been nice to be asked, particularly as a kind of thank you for doing so much extra in the past couple of months)
B. I feel like the manager and the deputy both think Barbara is better than me at the job despite huge amounts of time off (some beyond her control, though I have my suspicions) and despite me being consistent and going above and beyond in the past few months.
C. No one whispered a word of this to me and I was just told out of the blue at the same time as everyone else, who are all quite new, which feels a bit disrespectful to me.

AIBU to feel annoyed even though I didn't want the job and Barbara is very good and will do a good job? Trying to hold onto to that but still feel like it wasn't handled well.

To take each point you make:

A. I wasn't asked if I want the job (I don't really but it would have been nice to be asked, particularly as a kind of thank you for doing so much extra in the past couple of months) - this is conflicting, you either want it or you don't, being thanked for extra effort is a separate issue. If you are frustrated because no one has acknowledged that you have gone the extra mile then you need to deal with that separately - so raise it with management. If you don't want the job then it's unreasonable to expect to be offered it - maybe it comes across that you wouldn't ever want to do the role in other ways?

B. I feel like the manager and the deputy both think Barbara is better than me at the job despite huge amounts of time off (some beyond her control, though I have my suspicions) and despite me being consistent and going above and beyond in the past few months - I don't like this "I have my suspicions" line, this is the kind of thinking that festers resentment in the workplace. If she has been given some time off (huge amounts as you say) then presumably it was all above board and something that was needed. You need to not conflate her absence with her ability to the role, that's simply not fair - would you like someone judging you because of time away from work? Honestly, think about it.

C. No one whispered a word of this to me and I was just told out of the blue at the same time as everyone else, who are all quite new, which feels a bit disrespectful to me - I don't think it's disrespectful to tell people all at the same time, but I do think it's not on to just tell everyone out of the blue and to not have some other conversations leading up to the appointment. I get that you might feel a bit taken aback and that is fair enough, but you don't get to know details ahead of other people just because of your length of service. Maybe in terms of seniority - that's a thing - but not length of service.

I'm not trying to be unsympathetic, I just feel that you are letting lots of issues join together in response to this announcement and you're conflating things because you are annoyed. I think it's better to unpick the elements of your frustration and deal with those in isolation. Maybe this news has made you realise that actually you do want to progress further in your role? I would try and turn this all into a positive - unpick what you are unhappy with, deal with those aspects and maybe use this experience as a spur to make changes that you make you happier in your career overall? And don't blame Barbara (I'm not saying that you would do) because they clearly think she is up to it and I would imagine she was probably proactive and approached them when she knew that the role was up for grabs, and you've got to give her kudos for that.

What sort of tinpot organisation is this? Surely when a role becomes vacant it should be advertised and a proper process should take place? I would hate to work somewhere that simply announced a replacement without any sort of process. I'd be looking for a job elsewhere.

Having said that, YABVU to cast doubt on someone's ability because they had time off for an operation. I'm glad that my colleagues weren't like you when I had to have time off for major surgery, and that my employer didn't hold it against me when it came to reward and promotion.

Why was the role not advertised? Surely the role needs to be advertised? And if not then internally advertise at least so you should’ve known their role was up for grabs. Surely she needed to interview for the role!?

huge amounts of time off (some beyond her control, though I have my suspicions)

If this attitude comes across in the office I'm not overly surprised they don't think you're suitable for a manager position.

@GCAcademic What sort of tinpot organisation is this? Surely when a role becomes vacant it should be advertised and a proper process should take place? I would hate to work somewhere that simply announced a replacement without any sort of process. I'd be looking for a job elsewhere.

I wondered about that too, but I've worked places where there have been proper processes and still at the end people have said: "Oh I didn't realise that role was up for grabs" when they've been sent emails about it, invited to express interest, etc. I agree that if it's all been done behind the scenes then that's wrong, but I have definitely seen situations where people feel things have been done to them but actually they haven't engaged with the procedure and then feel hard done by.

Thanks all. It helps to hear more rational, detached perspectives.

Yeah, I nearly didn't write the 'suspicions' bit as I know MN wouldn't like it - but it's true. I haven't made these known to anyone, even though I have quite good reasons to think it. Regardless, I do think 2 (unrelated) long periods in one year of service is quite a lot and just made me feel even worse - like she must be hugely better than me, taking that into consideration.

No, it wasn't discussed or 'advertised' as would basically be me vs Barbara and since we work daily with the decision makers, an interview is not really necessary. Perhaps if she had rejected it they would have come to me. I don't think she went to them as it wasn't known.

It has made me question what I'm doing in a minimum wage job that I'm clearly not that great at! I was doing it out of love for the job but perhaps that's not enough for me. And yes, I would like to have more seniority and better pay, but only if deserved so I think I may be in the wrong job.

I do agree that the issues have become confused and conflated. The extra work - which has made me a bit resentful, my ability in my work, my desire to do this job etc so thanks to PPs who clarified that.

Are you in a nursery? It can be tricky to navigate but we’ve been in that position before and always let everyone know a position is open in case they want to apply.

Employers don't offer you promotions to say thanks

I don't blame you for being annoyed. They should have at least considered you, a long standing, hard working employee over somebody who has been there 5 mins and had a lot of time off sick!

At least you know where their loyalties lie. I'd be looking for something else tbh.

You have every right to be pissed off.
Good enough to work extra and carry her, but not to be considered.

I would be rethinking the job, looking around and no longer doing anything extra.

The job should have been advertised internally to all staff. I think it’s a legal requirement. Is it a family run business OP? They are often a law unto themselves.

I’d be asking them why you weren’t given the chance to apply.

I think they should have invited expressions of interest from everyone in the team, and then held an interview/selection process. That's certainly what I would have done.

Still, if their minds were already made up to give it to Barbara, I guess they've saved you the hassle of going through a pointless process.

I would be inclined to query how it was decided and to make it known that you would have been interested in having the opportunity to be considered. It might be that you should put in a grievance about the process.

I wouldn't mention Barbara's sickness absence though. It's irrelevant and it's OK for your employer to think that she's a better fit for the role regardless of her attendance. The process should be fair and transparent though.

Agree job should've been advertised internally, especially if there is a financial benefit (as not advertised wondering if it's one of those tinpot "prestige" deputy roles?).

But, Barbara's absence is irrelevant to her competency for deputy status.

Length of service is NO reason for advance notice of change.

A. You didn’t want the job so your being unreasonable to miffed
B. Maybe they do think Barbara was more suitable for the role
C. Why would they come to you first to let you know someone is getting a promotion just because you’ve worked there longer than the rest of the team

Potentially a few reasons. They include:

1. Harder to replace you in your current role because you're so good at it.
2. They think you're great at your current level but don't have the skills or interest in a leadership position.
3. Barbara has been identified as having leadership skills/previous experience and in her time there has impressed management with her ideas and enthusiasm.

Regardless, it should have been advertised. If you do want promotion you need to tell them and start doing work that will help you take the next step such as showing initiative or taking on higher profile/trickier work.

Well perhaps Barbara already has previous experience in a supervisory type role.

Perhaps she used her initiative and sent an email enquiring about the vacancy.

Perhaps you have poor people skills and don't come across well as a leader.

Does Barbara have an allotment that she spends too much time at but doesn't actually own - is that what your suspicion are?

this. Tbh it sounds like you don’t really like Barbara and you’re just annoyed she got the role.

Assuming no cronyism at play, you'd get promoted only of you openly communicated that you want that job and demonstrated that you can do it (ie taking on additional responsibilities on your current role).

If you covered for the role but made it evident that it was hard for you and not genuinely interested on doing that full time, then it's fair of your boss to think you weren't up for it.

And they don't owe you anything for being there for longer, including informing you on their intentions. In most jobs long term service does not equal constant promotions, if anything it can signal that you are content with where you are.

@MayaPinion, yes definitely points 2 & 3 above. 1 isn't relevant as it's pretty much the same job, just a few bits on top.

It's been a wake up call I guess, which is good. And good to recognise I'm still a bit competitive and driven - which I didn't think I was anymore! Do I want to do this? Am I (will be ever be) good enough? Etc.

This is a really good response OP. Sometimes it takes a bit of a shift in circumstance to make us realise how we are feeling more deeply about something. I would definitely use it as a spur to better things. Wishing you luck!

Agreed with this.

come on its 2024. Do better.

You are right to be annoyed. The position should have been advertised internally and there should have been a proper interview process.

You are right to be annoyed. The way they've handled it is disrespectful and I wouldn't be keen to help out covering shifts anymore. I too would be looking for other positions.

For those criticising OP for saying she has suspicions about time off, why isn't she allowed to say that if she has good reason? Yes people can take time off work legitimately but some people do abuse this as well!

I can see where this comment comes from, having just read a different thread on here. But genuinely not the case here.

In my colleague's case, neither times are trauma or mental health related. The first was somewhat optional and she extended it for longer than needed (was enjoying it!). This time it is health related but recovery taking much longer than is usual (almost double) for a pretty healthy person, plus I know what else she's doing (social media!). Pretty irrelevant to promotion as she's good at her job when she's there, but it doesn't inspire my trust - and I am annoyed as workload has fallen on me. It's not my work ethic either.