11 year old granddaughters activity level

[Rosille]

Good morning everyone,
My only granddaughter is 11, she’s in Y7 and a brilliant girl. Her mum passed away in 2019 so my son is raising her alone.
Grandaughter is a very bright, intelligent girl. She has always been a bit of a live wire and is very active, would rather be out on her bike than playing inside etc.
My son is a bit weak willed with her and If she asks to do something he almost always says yes but I’m now worried that her Schedule is too much on her young body.
For sports she loves tennis and athletics. She does both competitively and does well. Her dad decided this year to get a private tennis coach for her after they went to Wimbledon and she declared she wants to be a pro one day (I don’t think she is quite that good!). Athletics she enjoys but not as much. She also decided to join her school volleyball team.

Currently her schedule is
Monday - Tennis training before school
Tuesday - Cross Country training
Wednesday - Tennis before school and volleyball afterschool
Thursday - Indoor Athletics training
Friday - Tennis before school
Saturday - Either a tennis comp or athletics comp
Sunday - Tennis training for 3 hours

My issue is my granddaughter is very skinny, she is a good eater but she spends so much time active that I worry she is doing too much. She’s very competitive so won’t stop and my son hates to say no to her.

AIBU to think this is way too much physical activity? Something needs to give right?

If she's happy with the volume (and homework etc is not suffering) then I'd leave her to it.

It's quite likely that in the next year or 2 she'll either drop most of it, or choose to specialise. At the moment I think it's the number of sessions that make it sound a lot.

I think it's too much exercise if she's very underweight and not an athletic build. She's obviously burning a lot more calories than she eats. This can delay puberty, periods and stunt her growth. If would be fine if it was an hour a day of exercise and she ate more than she was burning, but this is too much. I've attached a link about the dangers of amenorrhea. She needs a rest day or two and significantly increase her calorie intake, maybe high calorie drinks.

https://www.msdmanuals.com/home/women-s-health-issues/menstrual-disorders-and-abnormal-vaginal-bleeding/absence-of-menstrual-periods

As everyone else has said so much better than being unfit and/or overweight. I am seeing so many unfit children it's heartbreaking.

Sorry but you're being unreasonable, it's great for an 11 year old to be active and have hobbies. Hopefully her love of sports will continue as she grows which is great for physical and mental health but also great for things like problem solving, working as a team etc and it likely helps make a good friend circle.

My ds is 11 and he has a similar routine because he loves it and we also do. We prefer to be out and about taking him to competitions, training and sporting trials. It benefits us too making us meet new people, stopping us lounging around and is such a joy to watch. .

If your ds and dgd are happy, leave them to it.

7 hours sleep is fine. I’m not sure what else you want her to do. Would you rather she sat in the sofa stuffing her face with crisps and doom scrolling social media.

she's active and seems to be doing great. I really don’t understand what your issue is.

I would be thankful she's doing this and not sitting on her phone worrying about which blusher and highlighter to put on for school that morning. She sounds super healthy physically and mentally.

DD does hours of dance every week that equate with this volume of tennis and athletics training and it's kept her grounded, sane and off social media while I've watched friends of hers go the opposite way into sm addiction and subsequent mh issues.

My DD was skinny at 11 too and filled out a little to have a more athletic frame as she hit her teens. It's very normal.

As long as she's eating well and enjoying these activities I would just be a supportive caring figure in her life and encourage her to talk about her sports, any ambitions she has relating to these and go see her play.

Getting girls to do any sport - particularly once they're in their teens - is a big challenge, so the fact that she loves sport now means she's unlikely to abandon it any time soon, which is great.

I was a sporty kid - which baffled my mother who hated sport ... sport is great for mental wellbeing and feeling part of a team 😊

Sounds very healthy to me - don't think you have anything to worry about 🙂 She also sounds v sensible around doing homework at school in the mornings between tennis and classes - as long as she's not struggling to balance everything I think it's fine.

Hello. I think if she’s enjoying it then all good! Great to have a routine of exercise every day, good for mental and physical health. Also I imagine competing etc gives points of focus after losing her mum ie may be way of trying to have a sense of moving forward. My experience of children this age is that if they don’t want to do it, they will let you know! Great also for an only child to be out and about and with people (I say this having one DD and being worried that she may get lonely). Re being skinny, I ate like a horse and was super skinny when I was young with limited sports- all changed later in life and I wish sport had been part of my life earlier as it all feels so much harder now. You sound like a wonderful GP who loves her GD a great deal and your DS is doing a great job. I think just carry on being there and be available to talk. There might be things she’ll think about more as she gets older re her mum (and other stuff) that she may find hard with her dad. Best wishes

Very normal levels of activity, and I bet she's not 'skinny', just normal healthy 11 year old. Well done to her dad for managing this, it must be hard to juggle but so important

Pretty normal for an athlete.

Support her.

Yep, this.

I was a naturally slim child, which was often commented on. I developed an eating disorder in my early teens which was definitely not helped by the focus on my weight, as I became fixated on staying thin.

Agree with others, sounds amazing. You don’t sound very supportive or enthusiastic. Yes she probably will never be a pro but she loves her hobbies, is keeping fit and healthy and has fun. Sounds to me 10 times preferable than a child who is on screens for hours every day. I think focusing on a hobby or sport also teaches kids valuable lessons and helps them with persistence and resilience.
I also lost a parent young and having meaningful hobbies and interests is so important especially when she hits teenage years. Grief is complicated and she will and probably does miss her mum a lot. Doing something meaningful that brings her joy is so important. And sounds like it helps with bonding with dad (going to Wimbledon).

My younger DD does 4 dance classes a week (plus other sports) and she loves them and begged us to be able to do all 4.

Are all the sessions hard sessions? If so, reshaping her activities so there's a rest day or two might be worth looking at. I think I'd be more wary about the short sleep duration than the activity levels - a fair few sports bodies suggest that around an hour a week per year of age is a reasonable benchmark, but sessions should be of varying intensity. If doing multiple sports and doing each two or three times a week, it's possible that no sport considers her overall loading, and perhaps then she might benefit from having a lighter day here and there.

A pro coach will be good for her. If she wants to be an athlete, she will learn about fuelling her body and resting properly for recovery.

I don't see any issue. I would pay attention to her diet and be careful of any injuries.

As long as she enjoys her activities, knows she can stop them or cut down if they ever get too much and is still managing to keep up with schoolwork and friends then I think this is perfectly OK and (hopefully!) a great foundation on which to build a healthy and successful life.

My DD(11) does on average 10 hours a week at a high level of martial arts. Ahead of competition that can go to 12 -14. She also does an art class on Sunday mornings too. We get a lot of comments about it being too much for her, but she loves it and it really has helped her moods and mindset.

she was injured in summer and had to miss a couple of months. She really hated it and I noticed how much more she was on screens. (I never put limits on it). When she's training it means it naturally limits it anyway and she is just happier.

It sounds like your granddaughter is enjoying everything and so long as she's fuelling her body well then long may it continue. The drop out rate in athletics (and most sports) for girls around 13 and up is significant.

I think healthy 11-year-old girls do tend to look "skinny" if you compare them to adults or younger children. Their growth in height outpaces their growth in the other directions, that's just normal.

Sounds like my daughter age10, she trains to national level in 2 sports and most weekends is playing matches. She also has 2 music classes a week, language school for Swedish a few hours a week and does English and French bilingually at school. She loves her busy life and it’s her choice to do this. As others have said this sort of schedule is pretty normal for private or international schools.

There is a lot of evidence that sporty people are more successful and confident later in life OP.

I understand you might be concerned but she will probably rotate away from a couple of sports over time as she hits teens etc and the academic demands start getting a bit more intense.

I think she sounds wonderful and sporty.

I thought you were posting to say she is not active.
She must enjoy sport and I don't think it's too much if it's what she wants to do.

It’s similar to the level of extra sport I was doing at 11, away at boarding school. I hated the specific sports but the level of activity was fine. I was going to sleep a little bit earlier, lights out at half past nine. If she isn’t tired, which it seems she isn’t, then she is probably getting enough sleep.
I think the key things here are simply making sure she has a good balanced diet , which seems fine from what you have said, and shifting things if the schedule starts to have an impact on her school workload as she gets towards GCSEs . So at the moment don’t worry, it sounds as though she is a great girl, bright, mature and sensible for her age, and as though she is coping well.
It is understandable that you get anxious about her given the tragedy in your family, you sound a lovely, caring Grandmother doing your best to support her.

Butt out. It’s up to your son.

I actually worry about this for my teen. Her periods can disappear for months and I don't know if it's just normal teenage irregular cycles or if it's because she does so much sport and doesn't eat enough. She's very slim, but doesn't look unhealthy slim, so I'm not sure.