11 year old granddaughters activity level

[Rosille]

Good morning everyone,
My only granddaughter is 11, she’s in Y7 and a brilliant girl. Her mum passed away in 2019 so my son is raising her alone.
Grandaughter is a very bright, intelligent girl. She has always been a bit of a live wire and is very active, would rather be out on her bike than playing inside etc.
My son is a bit weak willed with her and If she asks to do something he almost always says yes but I’m now worried that her Schedule is too much on her young body.
For sports she loves tennis and athletics. She does both competitively and does well. Her dad decided this year to get a private tennis coach for her after they went to Wimbledon and she declared she wants to be a pro one day (I don’t think she is quite that good!). Athletics she enjoys but not as much. She also decided to join her school volleyball team.

Currently her schedule is
Monday - Tennis training before school
Tuesday - Cross Country training
Wednesday - Tennis before school and volleyball afterschool
Thursday - Indoor Athletics training
Friday - Tennis before school
Saturday - Either a tennis comp or athletics comp
Sunday - Tennis training for 3 hours

My issue is my granddaughter is very skinny, she is a good eater but she spends so much time active that I worry she is doing too much. She’s very competitive so won’t stop and my son hates to say no to her.

AIBU to think this is way too much physical activity? Something needs to give right?

Yes she doesn’t really, maybe once a fortnight if there is no competitions.
This doesn’t include the PE at school too.

This is a normal and healthy amount of exercise for a child. It's just that our lifestyles mean that our expectations of how much they move drops dramatically after they start school. It's not only toddlers who are designed to move all day, it's just that from 5ish most don't have the option.

Also if she's doing it at 11 she is setting herself up for a very healthy adolescence. Puberty is when kids should be moving more as it's when they develop muscles for their adult bodies. Exercise will 100% improve her wellbeing as a teenager. It's more the risk that she'll give it up as a teen, so please please encourage her, and don't talk about her body shape.

Unless she's dead lifting she does not need a rest day. She is moving her body in a natural way for a healthy young person

Her school is 30 min homework per week, per subject. In reality PE, Art, Drama etc. don’t give homework so it’s about 5 hours of homework a week. She does 2.5 hours before school in the week (She always goes to school for 8am and does her homework there). Then it’s another 30 min in the evening. Which even on club days she’s got time for (Athletics doesn’t start until 7.30).

My daughter is older but there are 11 year olds in her dance school who do the same. They dance 4.30/5pm-9pm Monday to Friday and compete or perform at weekends.
When kids have a very high activity level you just need to make sure their diet reflects that. So mine will eat a lot of carbs especially wholegrain pasta, rice, bread etc. A decent amount of protein. And sugar to get them through the last rehearsal hour slump. And a great night sleep is important too.

Her sleep is an issue too. She won’t sleep until 10.30 most nights and then wakes up at 5.30/5.45. She claims she can’t sleep more.

My daughter does a similar level of activity and I trust her to tell me when it’s too much. A couple of years back she was looking a bit pale so we had a chat and she cut back a class. Now her homework is ramping up she wants to cut back one more class.
I think your granddaughters activities sound great & isn’t that uncommon.

Seven days a week with no rest day at all isn’t great, to me it sounds like she is perhaps trying to outrun her grief, and using sports as a coping mechanism ( there are worse ways) is she having bereavement counselling? I would be worried she isn’t processing or acknowledging her trauma.

I've just counted up hours vs my DDs.
Standard week mine 9hrs.
Standard weeks for yours 10hrs.

I don't think its dissimilar to lots really. Gymnasts, ballet dancers, swimmers etc do a lot more!

If she's asking to do it and enjoying it I think this is really good. As long as she isn't restricting calorie intake or anything like that.

She has had counselling. I don’t think it is this at all. There have been times where my son has expressed he’s felt she was struggling but he took her to counselling and group sessions etc. and she seems to be doing much better.

I think it is more she doesn’t really enjoy hanging out with friends, she says it’s boring and they don’t do much fun. She has 2 friends she’s happy to hang out with but that’s all. Sports is a way for her to be social and busy without having to sit around which is all her friends seem to do.

She quite tall compared to other girls in her year and is very studious so has been picked on a little but school did a good job at clamping down on that.

Gosh, what a wonderful sporty granddaughter you have! And to go into school early to get her homework done, she is showing maturity and dedication and good sense. Clearly she is also managing her schedule brilliantly and if she needed more sleep, would go to bed earlier or sleep in. And your son is supporting her in all this (and luckily is able to) - what a wonderful son you have too.

You must be very proud.

Oh, and body shape/size/weight tells you very little at her age. If she were bigger, would you feel differently? If she is keeping up with her sports commitments, and not exhausted, then clearly she is fuelling her body well.

I think she sounds great.

This! It's really not that much activity, either.

The 11 year old sports scholarship holders at dd (private) school do about 20 hours a week - weight training, fitness, practice and games.

dd is not as sporty but enjoys hockey and water polo and so does about 8 hours extra training a week, on top of 4 hours of games during the school week.

your dgd’s schedule sounds fine if she enjoys it

So why are you worried? If it’s not trauma based or grief then she is fine. She can do what she wants. It’s completely fine. You are coming across as interfering now, unless you are worried about her welfare which it sounds like you aren’t, then just mind your own business. Lots of activity is very good for her.

I Wonder if anyone would think she was behaving oddly if she was a boy?

as others have said - in a private/ boarding school environment this would be completely normal. Many top schools have sport half the day.

It's only our very very crap state school approach to PE/ sport that thinks kids can sit still all day and then have a small run around.

How did humans evolve? They would have been active most of the day. Our modern sedentary life is killing us!

HOw amazing she is laying down a foundation of loving being active. My dad is 80 and is like this still - a couple of hours of a bike ride/ run before the day starts -some people are driven to need this.

Sounds great. Nothing wrong with being slim. I thought this thread was going to be about a girl who sits in front of screens all day eating endless snacks.

Well, I think it's a lot but if she enjoys it and her body can cope, then it's fine!

My DC was a competitive swimmer and their schedule was the same,.but with swimming not tennis etc..

Many many DC in competitive sports do this much, or more.

My DCs body couldn't cope with the volume of activity they were doing at 11..They were run down, tired, ill. So they had to reduce the volume. But many DC could cope with more.

Personally I think it's too much, but if she loves it and her body copes, then it's fine IMO...

If she's got the energy, she's fine. You'd know if she was tired. Some people are high energy and low sleep. I have to exercise to be able to sleep. If I go for more than a few days without being active, insomnia kicks in.

11 is a lean age and there are too many 11 year olds who are heavy and inactive which will long-term compromise their health, especially once they stop growing and their surplus in their diet increases.

It's easy to over-estimate the activity level in a lot of youth sports. There tends to be a lot of waiting, listening and taking turns.
My 11 & 13yos recently moved up to stage 8 swimming, increasing the lesson from 30 to 45 mins, and it's taken them a while to get used to the increased time and the increased intensity of the class. These are fit children who are used to running for 30 minutes at parkrun.

Training for this age group, unless at an elite level is well managed and tends to err to the conservative side of capability. Coaches don't want injured or stressed children. It's an age where many are quick to drop out if they're no longer happy.

She sounds like she's doing well.

At school in the 80s we had PE/games for an hour every day, plus 3 hours on Sat, and an hours walk on Sunday. I was not (at all) sporty but also did trampolining once a week for an hour and skateboarded/cycled for fun. While I appreciate times have changed, surely it’s not that unusual to be busy at 11?

Girls that just want to stand around and chat are dull. I used to take myself off to choir and drama club at lunch times rather than tediously discuss who the cutest member of Take That was.

She sounds like an interesting, focused girl who'll do well in life.

If she's anything like my 10yo DD, without the exercise, her sleep would be even worse!
DD1 is a competitive swimmer, currently training 4 times a week, plus does both martial arts and Cubs once a week, with swim meets two weekends a month on average. She is very lean too, and has a similar sleep pattern of 10.30pm - 6.30am. She loves being so active and it positively affects her mood, behaviour and sleep. I just quietly keep a very close eye on ensuring she's eating healthily and enough, but she is a good eater and this generally isn't an issue day to day (it is more of a problem over a weekend competition when she needs a lot but can't eat too much at a time).

Be pleased she is moving and developing interests!

It sounds great, if she was year 6 and still in childcare it could quite easily be the same number of hours out of the house

She is active and engaged with hopefully positive role models. Her dad is able to work longer hours without worrying where she might be to make up the household income he needs as a lone parent.

The alternative would not be better which would be walking home, sitting on Social Media talking to her friends because that's what her age does now, physically hanging out after school isn't a thing for many.

A weighted blanket for Christmas could solve a sleep issues, but perhaps she doesn't need more.