Exhausted with current situation - money issue

[Dreambow]

I don’t really know what to expect from this but please be kind.

We are a married couple both in professional jobs (doctor and DH works in the city - not a banker).
I have been contracting the last few years as NHS salary doesn’t cover enough outgoings.
We have a 2.5 year old and a 8 week old.

All we do is work work work. The cost of everything is eating up everything and we have several credit cards (interest free). We live frugally as we can but our outgoings are huge and have increased so much over the past two years. I am so worried that this is going to get worse over the next few years.

We have a large mortgage as live in London for DH work - since the rate of interest has gone up we are now paying £1200 per month extra. Still better off in the long run than rent and we are grateful for this.

Nursery fees were £1050 per month in Jan 2022 and now £1600 (£550 per month increase) for full time. This is for one child (not eligible for government help). Absolutely dreading when the second one starts nursery and when they go up again next year. This is for a cheap nursery - most are £2000 per month for one child full time.

On top of this energy bills and food bills all increased. We have a Victorian house and it’s freezing cold (apart from the ground floor which has underfloor heating). Currently 10 degrees in the house (not ground floor). No insulation (apart from loft) and heating bills are huge so try and turn off as much as possible but harder with children.

We never go out, no date nights (babysitter plus cost of going out would be too much. No coffees out, no meals out, no cinema. No holidays. Clothes from Vinted.

Our living costs have increased by around £2000 per month including increased mortgage £1200 month, increased nursery fees £550 month, energy and food bills etc

For the past two years I worked every weekend (apart from Christmas and Easter) and 2-4 days in the week. Some of my work is adhoc so unpredictable with childcare and have to put DC in nursery for full time.

I feel like we are working a lot harder but wages are not going up. Our outgoings have increased by £2000 month over the last two years but our lifestyles are much much worse.

We used to be able to go out for coffee/ meals/ cinema dates comfortably. We used to go on holiday a lot. We were able to buy high street clothes without thinking twice. House is currently freezing cold and on top of it all we also have a mouse problem (coming in from next door).

I know we are in a better position than some but I feel pretty down-beaten and exhausted with it all. I think inflation will back up again next year and I am not sure how we will financially and mentally manage it all.

To expect to have a better quality of life, working full time and working hard?

It’s tough OP - the nursery years won’t be forever though and as soon as one goes to school it will improve a lot. Have you had maternity leave paid if you’ve been contracting rather than being employed full time?

Doctors are in demand everywhere. Can you move to somewhere with a cheaper mortgage?

If you're living beyond your means then move somewhere cheaper and commute like other people.

Can you offer a student or young office worker a room to rent?

Contact the sustainable, insulation type charities and read up about saving on heating. Do all you can in terms of their advice.

Invest in second hand real woollen garments.

Take adivice on hot water bottles, electric blankets etc.

Learn from Indian Sikh charities about how to cook cheaper nutritious meals. You'll eat more pulses, vegetables and rice.
Eat canned tuna.

Your home will go up in value and once your children are into school hopefully things will improve for you.

Consider taking a holiday where you work as a doctor for a few weeks (accommodation supplied) and your husband cares for the children. Rent your home out for the couple of weeks.
Or investigate house swap for weekends.

Not many people can afford to live in London.

Cam you give a breakdown of your take home and outgoings to get an idea of whether you're living beyond your means?

I know how you feel OP. We have a fairly decent household income and the other day I was was thinking twice about buying a chocolate bar.

It sounds like you are already living pretty frugally. Could you move out? Is there any family who could provide some childcare for you?

I'd look at the cost of staying in London for you over 4 years (when youngest will go to school) and 10 years.

What is your monthly mortgage payment. An increase of £1200 seems very high. It's that, that's probably eating into your income.

Do you have to be in London for DH's job or could he work from home and go into the office one a week? If that's the case would it be better to move out to somewhere with lower house prices so your money goes further- dr are needed everywhere so you'd be able to find work where ever you decided to move to. Or could DH compress his hours so he could have one day at home a week with the kids so you are paying for 4 days of nursery instead of 5?

Nursery age is the hardest on the money side especially with two in nursery at the same time.

Have you explored a potential issue with your heating/looked into insulation? I lived in victorian houses for 35 years and they were sound and warm.

For context I paid £500pcm nursery fees, in London, for two days a week, THIRTY years ago.

It sounds as though you are overstretched. What are yours and DH's prospects? This will pass and it isn't unusual to feel the pinch when babies come along.

I feel the same, all we do is work.
We have a 6 year old at school and 1 year old in full time nursery. Costs are £1400 pm with the 15 hours free (thank god). After school/break clubs on top. My husband pays the mortgage/bills, it's about equal every month.

I work a corporate job in London- feel like the poorest person there! I'm always worrying about money. I'm on £55k but still nothing left over. Husband works ft.

I have £6k on the credit cards which I built up whilst on stat maternity leave- those last three months where I was paid 0 we still had clubs and summer camp to pay for plus the first months nursery payment etc.

It's boring. I don't want to be able to enjoy my money, days out, haircuts, even a facial once in a while (I literally look tired all the time), but alas not right now. Just pushing through this period.

I say to myself once our youngest is at school it will be much easier...

Thank you all for your useful replies and for being kind.

As I was contracting I am on maternity allowance which is not much but better than nothing. This is temporary so above is situation prior to maternity leave.

We have looked into moving out but DH and I do long hours (unable to compress). He has to go into the office and WFH is not encouraged so it would make nursery and later potentially school drop offs and pick ups viable if in London. I don’t think we could make it work out of London unfortunately as trains are too unreliable (and very costly).
Also I tend to work outside of London and need to travel really early to get there so being in London gives me the opportunity to do my job. If I lived out of London it would make by job unviable as I wouldn’t be able to make the hours work due to increased commute times.

We unfortunately do not have family close by - nearest in Wales but would not be in a position to help with childcare.

Really looked into a lodger as I think this would be really helpful but the cost of the energy bills needed to heat up house would outweigh the cost of a lodger in the colder months, which is crazy. Our house is very energy inefficient. Spoke to neighbours about coldness in house and they are similar and rack up huge heating bills over winter months/ heat up less rooms etc
We have insulated loft and blocked up fireplaces with chimney sheeps but I think it’s the external walls that are inefficient. The cost to insulate these would be crazy when I looked into it. Double glazed windows which has made some difference but not a lot. We probably should have replaced window boxes but couldn’t afford it. Our old house was Victorian but never had these problems and easier to heat.

These are the tough years. Kids are expensive as you would have learnt from the first one. As soon as they go to school it will improve dramatically.

@Dreambow what are window boxes and did you have a structural survey? If the poor insulation didn't come up, you may have some come back.

We looked at finances prior to children and we were ok even with childcare costs for nursery for a few years.

What has caught us out is the huge increase of £2000 we are paying each month on increased mortgage, increased nursery fees, increased food and energy bills. This increase is due to COL and we honestly could not predict it being this much. I am dreading the new nursery fees increase next year due to the budget.

Wages are not being increased and so even though our pay is good we are squeezed because of the additional £2000 per month. We also do not get any government help with childcare.

Thank you to the PP who mentioned they double thought re chocolate bar- that’s how I feel. I come from a very low income family (benefits etc) where every penny counted so I am used to being frugal. I have made so many sacrifices to get myself out and prior to Covid we had a nice life but I feel like being a student again. I feel disingenuous at times as I know others are in a worse position.

I feel we should not be in this position as we earn well but the increase in costs over two years are insane.

Sorry I don’t really know what to expect from this post but I just wanted to de- stress and little and see if anyone else feels similar?

Yeah cost of living has hit everyone really - hang on in there

Perhaps you should be grateful the doctors got a 22% increase. My sector is struggling to pay 2.5%.

These are tough times. It's cyclical and children are very expensive.

What does your DH actually do/earn? If you are a junior doctor thats not great money, definitely not "live in london with 2 DC".

You really have to be on crazy money to afford to live in london comfortably now. Dh and i earn £300k between us and we moved out when we had kids, the only people we know who stayed had family helping with childcare, family money, or had bought a long while back so had less mortgage. Most live in ex council or flats in not very trendy areas.

The childcare years are brutal but don't last forever and if you're paying out nursery with only mat allowance coming in you'll be far better off when you are back at work.

@partygarden sounds really tough as well. It’s crazy that despite being in good jobs that you are in this position.

I know the feeling re haircuts - these are now a treat for birthday or something and rarely happen. I also feel very guilty for having a haircut and think that could pay for food bill etc

Would love to do some maternity classes to help with mental health and get out of the house but they seem to have gone up to £10 per class and I can’t justify it right now.

Would love to do some maternity classes to help with mental health and get out of the house but they seem to have gone up to £10 per class and I can’t justify it right now.

Classes are a rip off and completely pointless for the DC. You get the same social opportunity for you doing toddler groups which are hosted by most church halls, or free/cheap meetups run by the likes of nct.

You need to make a choice. if you stay in London, adamant that you can't get work elsewhere, then this is life with a big mortgage and childcare.

If you are really genuinely unhappy, as highly educated people you DO have the option to move elsewhere. There are obviously jobs for doctors across the county. Your husband WILL have transferalble skills. Your children are young enough to move now with no impact on school etc. You need to make a choice.

A lot of these threads pop up and the answer is always the same - it is nursery fees that are the issue.

Yes, it's a horrible time but once those years are over, you'll be far better off. It's temporary.

Personally I think childcare should be free but until that changes a lot of people will be in the same boat.

@RosesAndHellebores thank you. I have left the NHS and contract out to the NHS which has advantages and disadvantages. So no increase in pay but better pay than being in the NHS. Although maybe not be much better with NI changes in budget.

I honestly don’t know how people are making it work right now. I walk out and near me (zone 3) there is a lot of spending still going on. Pubs and restaurants seem to be full. I feel like I have done something wrong to be in this position.

We looked at finances before kids and it was doable. It’s the extra COL that has really pushed us and squeezed us. I feel very suffocated with the money situation. We are killing ourselves in work and I feel like are barely keeping afloat.

Could you afford to buy a cheaper house further out and survive on just your dh's salary for a while? Wokingham / Reading has good rail links. I went very part time during the nursery years because it just wasn't worth the expense.

You're going through the toughest part of life right now. 2 young kids is super stressful on its own but it will pass and you'll miss them when they were young and sweet.

Is there no other way to avoid nursery costs? Working alternating shifts for example? I wish we had done that and perhaps we could have afforded a second child. What about an au pair?

Assuming your mortgage is huge if it has increased by 1200? I'm going to sound a bit tough here but it sounds like you're living beyond your means and have bought a house you can't actually afford? I wouldn't normally recommend selling but could you move away from London or downsize? Get a lodger?