Exhausted with current situation - money issue

[Dreambow]

I don’t really know what to expect from this but please be kind.

We are a married couple both in professional jobs (doctor and DH works in the city - not a banker).
I have been contracting the last few years as NHS salary doesn’t cover enough outgoings.
We have a 2.5 year old and a 8 week old.

All we do is work work work. The cost of everything is eating up everything and we have several credit cards (interest free). We live frugally as we can but our outgoings are huge and have increased so much over the past two years. I am so worried that this is going to get worse over the next few years.

We have a large mortgage as live in London for DH work - since the rate of interest has gone up we are now paying £1200 per month extra. Still better off in the long run than rent and we are grateful for this.

Nursery fees were £1050 per month in Jan 2022 and now £1600 (£550 per month increase) for full time. This is for one child (not eligible for government help). Absolutely dreading when the second one starts nursery and when they go up again next year. This is for a cheap nursery - most are £2000 per month for one child full time.

On top of this energy bills and food bills all increased. We have a Victorian house and it’s freezing cold (apart from the ground floor which has underfloor heating). Currently 10 degrees in the house (not ground floor). No insulation (apart from loft) and heating bills are huge so try and turn off as much as possible but harder with children.

We never go out, no date nights (babysitter plus cost of going out would be too much. No coffees out, no meals out, no cinema. No holidays. Clothes from Vinted.

Our living costs have increased by around £2000 per month including increased mortgage £1200 month, increased nursery fees £550 month, energy and food bills etc

For the past two years I worked every weekend (apart from Christmas and Easter) and 2-4 days in the week. Some of my work is adhoc so unpredictable with childcare and have to put DC in nursery for full time.

I feel like we are working a lot harder but wages are not going up. Our outgoings have increased by £2000 month over the last two years but our lifestyles are much much worse.

We used to be able to go out for coffee/ meals/ cinema dates comfortably. We used to go on holiday a lot. We were able to buy high street clothes without thinking twice. House is currently freezing cold and on top of it all we also have a mouse problem (coming in from next door).

I know we are in a better position than some but I feel pretty down-beaten and exhausted with it all. I think inflation will back up again next year and I am not sure how we will financially and mentally manage it all.

To expect to have a better quality of life, working full time and working hard?

Many years ago, as a time poor lone parent and with a very demanding directorship role, I was in a similar situation and decided to have an au pair. It really worked - way cheaper, no nursery fees, no stress of drop offs and was able to have the odd night out! She was lovely and just great to have around.I appreciate this was some time ago, but I remember our quality of life (and my finances) improved dramatically. Could be worth looking into.

You are not wrong OP. In this country, the only people struggling are the ones who try and support themselves. You are killing yourself working to pay for those who get everything for free.

I hope people are kind with you.

I am a qualified accountant, trained for years on poverty wages. Not dissimilar to being a medic, but not as altruistic a choice!

It was absolute hell early in my career, working stupid hours, massive stress, with small children, sky high nursery and mortgage costs. To top it off, we couldn't afford anything extra. I pushed around my daughters in a crappy hand me down pushchair, and wore second hand primark quality clothes to work in a professional office. I'm not expecting sympathy, I'm just trying to paint a picture of 'the grind".

It's one thing to be poor, it's another to be working your arse off in a difficult, supposedly lucrative career for no reward. It feels like being completely trapped.

Fast forward a few years (mine are now 18 and 21) this will end well. It will resolve. Hang in there. Your childcare costs will taper off and then end. Your mortgage will get proportionately less of your income. You will still be a high earner and you will have a promising future for your children.

It's tough right now, but hang in there.

You might get grief because whereas everyone has had it tough, some people are really struggling to eat and heat. But you rightly expected you'd done the right things not to be in that situation. I was resentful 20 years ago. But now I'm happy with my choices.

@cestlavielife yes and that is an option too -

You’re right, OP would be much much better off on benefits than her 200k plus household income and 1.6M fixer upper…

TBH its pretty similar to my memories of that time with young children. If one of us met up with otherparents and DC it was either in the park (good weather) or at each others' houses. Nights out were rare - every penny went to pay the bills and childcare (no free hours in those days on any salary).

Social lives were more likely to be with friends in our own houses often on a "pot luck" basis. All our friends were in similar positions, early stage careers but starting families. Ten years later it was a different story but in those early years I really could make the proverbial chicken last all week (or rather the veggie equivalent in my case).

I also remember friends who took risks which I thought were insane (remember the fiasco of the 120% roll up mortgages?) and who came a cropper in much the same way as the OP. None of them were quite so mad as to buy into 4000 sq feet in need of renovation just at the point of starting a family. One friend came mighty close with a roll up mortgage on a listed building in need of "updating" without doing a full structural survey and whilst number three was on the way. Took them over a decade to get out of that debt and I've always put the divorce down to that overextension.

I've actually never been able to make a chicken last all week (or the veggie alternative)

Me neither.

Disingenuous response and completely untrue....
Try this....
World wide pandemic
14 years of conservative horror management
Ruined economy by conservative prime minister and mates
Ensuing cost of living crises.
Choosing to live in the capital and liking that.
Rigidity re relocation and lifestyle changes.
There are lots of helpful suggestions on here but in my experience sometimes you have to choose what you desire...ie less pressure. Quieter life etc.

I am fully supportive of OPs dilemmas and the awful situation shes in. Stress is real and I hate that she's feeling it. OP I'm wishing you well in this. The situation is not one of your making. See above.

Not of her making entirely but she has many options given her circumstances.
She is not living in a tiny 2 bed flat .

Oh Op, we were in the same position, its a very tough time with young kids, we felt so much much more vulnerable too. All decisions are risky when the kids are very young. Indeed, the inflation and interest increase are double hit. They hit young family with big mortgages the most. Its so so much more expensive compare to 3 years ago.

Would a family loan be available for 3 winter months. Its scary that even £5k loan could go so very quickly and easily so you would need to ration it well(Eg. just for the heat and coffee out to keep you well and sane). Dont make any hasty decision right now because you are overwhelmingly with the new born and hormones. And indeed £1600 nursery is very very cheap. I paid £1850/month for the nursery in Canary Wharf 15 years ago, I have to bring my daughter with me everyday so that I could drop her soonest(8am) and pick her latest(6pm), I work in banking. 5 years later for our 2nd child we afforded to pay £1900/month nursery (we live in Richmond) PLUS a £500/month nanny to drop then pick up because we both work long hours. We didnt have any saving those years. Nursery was our choice both time because the kids love it.

Another way temporarily easing the situation is to ask the bank to just pay interest for few months during these winter months, it helps to relieve some monthly payment and free up some cash.

Almost every one is in the same position who bought a house 3-4 years ago at peak price and low interest and now have to remortgage with much higher rate. Cash is low because buying a house often come with hidden other costs. We are in the same position too. It will get better and the choices will be better.