Page 5 | To have refused to sign this parenting contract about attendance

SpringleDingle · 21/11/2024 07:46

LittleHangleton · 20/11/2024 20:08

I'm an Attendance Lead (newly appointed) at a school with historically low attendance. I'm challenging this can't do culture. As a result, we've sent out over 100 attendance contracts since half term.

In terms of signing it, doesn't matter to me if you don't. I just write "parent refused to sign" on the document and carry on with it anyway. When it gets yo the penalty notice fine, not signing it just makes the parent look worse.

Moving on to illness, fo you have a medical professional willing to put in writing that this child cannot reasonably attend school more than 80%? If so, school have lots of options to support you.

However, GPs will on the whole want to promote good attendance at school. If the GP doesn't think your child's health needs warrants 1-2 school days off a week, you need to accept your child needs to attend more and figure out what the actual barrier to attending is. It takes some deep reflection on why the child isnt getting their education. Is it to do with sleep habits, rules and boundaries, behaviour issues, lack of resilience, permissive parenting, lack of assertive adults, taking the path of least resistance?

I think you underestimate the complete lack of understanding and support the average school provides kids with issues. I understand it, you just have the resources to treat children as individuals and to take the time to really put effective support measures in place. You support those with the issues that most impact YOU as a school (the violent to teacher variety!) and ignore the needs of the rest. I am highly educated and a huge proponent of education for young people but I finally lost patience with school and their inability to support my child. I’ve chosen to home educate via online school which allows me the control and for my child to still pursue her GCSEs. It’s black and white thinking like yours that pushed us here.

SharpOpalNewt · 21/11/2024 07:53

Worriedmummmm · 20/11/2024 21:09

I know you’re getting quoted left right and centre, but PLEASE, as part of your role, can you look at what the school can do to improve the situation? It is not about sending out teams of letters and looking forward to escalation. If you have sent out 100 letters it suggests that there are serious issues with the school. The tone of your post is appalling and short sighted.

I look at the lives of children in hundreds of schools and the lengths some schools go to to help the children in is humbling. I do hope you are focussing on what is right for each child, instead of focussing on what the parent should do. For every parent who could do better, there is a parent desperate for their child to be happy in school. I write this in full understanding that there are parents who are failing their children by not supporting their education. I urge you to not tar us all with the same brush.

OP my dd attendance is around 70% - she missed one day in every ten for medical appointments; this will increase in December. She also usually misses at least half a day a week - not always, but often. Sometimes I drop her off and just wait for the call to pick her up. My dd does all her homework and is doing well in all submitted work and scores highly in tests. So I believe you when you say your dd is doing well despite her poor attendance. It can be done! Well done to your dd.

Your dd’s school sound horrific. If the issues are mental they need to work with your dd around addressing these, providing a quiet space etc. If they are physical, there is nothing that can be done is there? I would absolutely start raising this now; speak to educational welfare, organise DLA (it is an entry pathway to assistance and helps with disability recognition) and raise with Ofsted and the governors. Definitely raise with the council that they are threatening fines over lack of medical exemption for D&V; fines are not up to them and they are causing your daughter to miss more education by going to the doctors for no reason. I would also write to your MP - you need to get someone’s interest high up. Do not accept off-rolling and do not home educate - I’m assuming she is doing GCSES this academic year or next? So she needs to stay put as any disruption would hinder her chances. The exam fees are also prohibitive and if you home educate you would be liable for all.

Good luck and I hope things start to improve for her. Well done on not signing the contract. If you did, you accepting that there is an element of choice over the absence. I am assuming you are doing all you can, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

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@Worriedmummmm

Hear hear. People doing your job @LittleHangleton made our situation far more stressful than it needed to be for over three years at secondary school with the constant threat of fines and prosecution.

We were treated like deadbeat parents who could not be arsed to get DD2 to school, or who were letting DD2 stay off for a sniffle, or taking her on endless term time holidays. I wish! It could not have been further from the truth. We'd have liked nothing more than for DD2 to just go to school! How easy that would have been compared to what we went through every day.

Original poster

NoContract · 21/11/2024 08:18

SharpOpalNewt · 21/11/2024 07:53

@Worriedmummmm

Hear hear. People doing your job @LittleHangleton made our situation far more stressful than it needed to be for over three years at secondary school with the constant threat of fines and prosecution.

We were treated like deadbeat parents who could not be arsed to get DD2 to school, or who were letting DD2 stay off for a sniffle, or taking her on endless term time holidays. I wish! It could not have been further from the truth. We'd have liked nothing more than for DD2 to just go to school! How easy that would have been compared to what we went through every day.

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Yes we were asked a few months ago to provide our ‘thresholds’ I had to put in writing the reasons I would keep dd off if she was ill I explained things like : If she had a high temperature (but they wanted to set a threshold of 38 and for it to be checked by the school and verified - I said no if she’s clearly unwell and it’s for example 37.8 I would make the decision to keep her off and I wouldn’t be dragging her in all the way to them with no paracetamol to lower it just so they could see it for themselves the compromise is GP verifies but my gp is happy to accept a photo of the reading and will then add it to the record for me to screenshot), also things like D and V or flare ups of any of the chronic conditions .

OP posts:

yabbadabbadonot · 21/11/2024 08:27

FixingStuff · 20/11/2024 18:05

Get the school do apply for the EHCP. They will do it better.

That is not always the case!

My friend tried to get an EHCP for her son. The school were shocking and kept
delaying as they didn't want to do it. When they did finally do it, they left so much important and relevant information out.

Her son's social worker threw it in the bin and said it wasn't worth the paper it was written on.

My friend ended up doing it herself and was successful in obtaining it.

M3ganne · 21/11/2024 09:49

It sounds like a cold hard school, the polar opposite of the nurturing environment i aspire for my children. Where is the respect for the parent and NHS, with their deep knowledge of their child? Shooting off letters and demands like little hitlers, with little positive parental rapport, creative problem solving or reflection. Children are little humans and not little machines.

Moll2020 · 21/11/2024 18:00

NoContract · 20/11/2024 17:55

Dd is 15. Attendance is very low (62%). Has never been above 80% since starting secondary.

Dd has multiple medical issues. We have given so many letters from consultants. For the last year if she has for example had a regular illness eg d and v we have had to get proof (a GP appt) or threats of fines are immediate.

Today I was asked to sign a contract that I will make sure attendance improves. I refused as I have no control over it - I’m really thinking now that home education is the only way forward ? Because I refused I was told there will be further referrals made ? Feel like I’m going mad and talking to a brick wall if it was that simple and I could sort things out I would have ??!!

Dd has asked me not to disclose the conditions as there are a lot and may be identifying. I’m able to say they are all long term / permanent and that we are currently not having much luck finding effective therapies

Has the school got a Home Liaison Officer/Family Engagement Officer who is actually involved with attendance?

OhcantthInkofaname · 21/11/2024 18:08

Do you feel capable of handling her education/instruction?

HousefulofIkea · 21/11/2024 18:11

NoContract · 21/11/2024 08:18

Yes we were asked a few months ago to provide our ‘thresholds’ I had to put in writing the reasons I would keep dd off if she was ill I explained things like : If she had a high temperature (but they wanted to set a threshold of 38 and for it to be checked by the school and verified - I said no if she’s clearly unwell and it’s for example 37.8 I would make the decision to keep her off and I wouldn’t be dragging her in all the way to them with no paracetamol to lower it just so they could see it for themselves the compromise is GP verifies but my gp is happy to accept a photo of the reading and will then add it to the record for me to screenshot), also things like D and V or flare ups of any of the chronic conditions .

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Tbh OP with a child at school attendance as low as yours you really need to rethink your thresholds 37.8 is barely a temp.
I suspect the real reason for the contract is that the school are trying to get through to you that you need to be a bit tougher on when she gets to stay home.
A very very slight temperature in and of itself isnt a reason to stay home as a teenager! Many peoples temp is a little higher at certain points in their menstrual cycle for eg.

Original poster

NoContract · 21/11/2024 18:15

HousefulofIkea · 21/11/2024 18:11

Tbh OP with a child at school attendance as low as yours you really need to rethink your thresholds 37.8 is barely a temp.
I suspect the real reason for the contract is that the school are trying to get through to you that you need to be a bit tougher on when she gets to stay home.
A very very slight temperature in and of itself isnt a reason to stay home as a teenager! Many peoples temp is a little higher at certain points in their menstrual cycle for eg.

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I explained in that post as an example 37.8 with other symptoms

When a child has multiple medical issues they can be totally wiped out by minor illnesses that others can either overcome easily or still go about their usual routine it’s very different when you have other conditions alongside that are affected by viruses etc.

If that is what the school are trying to do then it’s not going to have an impact on me and I certainly won’t be putting their wants above my child’s needs.

OP posts:

Original poster

NoContract · 21/11/2024 18:21

OhcantthInkofaname · 21/11/2024 18:08

Do you feel capable of handling her education/instruction?

Yes I feel I could , I’d rather she went to school though but I will have to see how things go and if the school can actually start to be supportive.

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BooBooDoodle · 21/11/2024 18:26

School need to help get her attendance up so I’d ask for a reduced timetable and go from there. If you have an EHCP this can be written into it and school have to accommodate her needs. If you haven’t an EHCP pressure school and your GP to refer for one.

myslippersarepink · 21/11/2024 18:32

I got this email the other day:

The aim at our Academy is that all students achieve at least 100% attendance and arrive at school on time.
We are writing to you to let you know we are now monitoring your child’s attendance as it has now dropped below our academic expectations.
Currently your child’s attendance is 92.55 %
We have 4 weeks left of this term and are putting in weekly incentives on the best improved attendance.
I'm so tempted to ask them if they want 'at least 100% attendance' what percentage should we be aiming for?!!!

laraitopbanana · 21/11/2024 18:37

EvilsElsasPetSnowman · 20/11/2024 18:06

YANBU

Its just shocking and patronising.

Who can we as a collective speak to about this nonsense? I’m sick of school obsessing about attendance (by kids are both at 100% so I have no skin in the game). They also tell the kids they’ll basically be failures if they don’t have 95%+ which really angers me as your opportunities don’t end at the age of bloody 16. it’s unrealistic and it treats children like numbers

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@EvilsElsasPetSnowman
It is, isn’t it? Absolutely ludicrous! I think a good newspaper page would do it. They will most certainly hate the mum but leave the poor kid alone…probably leave the mum alone too tbh.

A good cry in the headteacher office would work too maybe? « Can you please ask your peop to back off? »

Op, good luck 🌺
all in all and looking at health issues…it is JUST school. It is obvious she can’t, they seem vile…best to get rid?

MadeInYorkshire69 · 21/11/2024 19:03

Just to say I’m sorry this is happening to you. I used to be a SENCO and in situations like this I would intervene and override whatever ridiculous attendance meeting system was in vogue.
There should be a medical support plan put in place for your child. Next time you are called in ask the SENCO to arrange a school nurse to come and help with putting something in place. Your local LEA SEN service may also have advisors that can be called in.
Keep fighting mamma.

Pixiedust88 · 21/11/2024 19:09

Not 100% the same but I was asked to sign something where I used to work to improve my attendance and punctuality. I have a stomach ulcer, fibromyalgia and colitis. I have flare ups of my fibromyalgia and colitis and either can’t walk or can’t get off the toilet. I had flexible working agreed in the event of a flare up with my fibromyalgia as it affected my mobility and not the ability to answer the phone. Obviously with colitis I didn’t have this as you can’t realistically answer the phone to a customer while sitting on the toilet with the explosive shits. I didn’t want to disclose the colitis originally but after the first couple of flare ups I had to. HR were fine but the head of department was vile about it. He insisted I provide medical evidence of a flare up every time I had one.

if your son doesn’t want to disclose it to the school that’s his choice but it makes it harder to argue he has a medical condition which causes low attendance if the school aren’t aware of it

pollymere · 21/11/2024 20:05

I would let them refer you to Social Services. They will look at your situation and how well you look after your child and tell the school to back off. It's also quite handy should your child need support post-school because you're already in the system.

itsgettingweird · 21/11/2024 20:09

A temp of 38.7 can be really debilitating for some with LT health issues.

My ds temp has been known to drop as low as 33° when he's Ill (usually it's in the 34-35 range when poorly).

I wouldn't be sending him in because it's not reached 38°!!!

itsgettingweird · 21/11/2024 20:09

Sorry 37.8°!

HousefulofIkea · 21/11/2024 20:35

NoContract · 21/11/2024 18:15

I explained in that post as an example 37.8 with other symptoms

When a child has multiple medical issues they can be totally wiped out by minor illnesses that others can either overcome easily or still go about their usual routine it’s very different when you have other conditions alongside that are affected by viruses etc.

If that is what the school are trying to do then it’s not going to have an impact on me and I certainly won’t be putting their wants above my child’s needs.

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Its hard to say really when you haven't been willing to share what these multiple medical conditions are
I have a feeling your the poster from a previous thread where the multiple medical conditions were anxiety and very painful periods, but you didnt want her to try the pill to alleviate things.

Original poster

NoContract · 21/11/2024 20:50

HousefulofIkea · 21/11/2024 20:35

Its hard to say really when you haven't been willing to share what these multiple medical conditions are
I have a feeling your the poster from a previous thread where the multiple medical conditions were anxiety and very painful periods, but you didnt want her to try the pill to alleviate things.

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Dd has requested that I don’t share her medical information online. I had mentioned that I wanted to post for advice. I have to respect her wishes over her confidentiality. What I can confirm is that she doesn’t suffer from anxiety or any period problems . Her diagnoses are chronic long term physical conditions.

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springtulips1 · 21/11/2024 20:58

Octavia64 · 20/11/2024 18:18

You are very unlikely to be fined.

Schools are under a massive amount of pressure on attendance. They have very little leeway and the government has published guidelines that they have to follow.

They can't make you sign the contract.

If you actually want your daughter in school then I would recommend:

Ask to speak to the SENCO and tell them you are applying for an EHCP for her on medical grounds. This both means the school has to do a lot more paperwork and means that if the school refer further up the line for fines the expectation is that the school have put things in place to support her, not just threatening you.

In normal circumstances the school would apply but parents can apply themselves.

You may need a bit of talking through the process so have a look at the SEN boards on Mumsnet. There are also charities that give advice on the process.

I would also make clear that you consider your daughter disabled under the equalities act definition (impact on her life lasting more than six months) and that you expect them to put reasonable adjustments in place.

Then ask for whatever you want - she carries her own drugs in school, biscuits in lessons if diabetic, Room to rest in if she is tired.

Then when they start hassling you about attendance you hassle back on the reasonable adjustments. So if they email saying please sign a contract you email back saying you haven't put all the reasonable adjustments in place let me know when you are ready to support her disability and we can talk.

They will back off. You may also get an EHCp and some helpful changes.

Basically all of this!!

LlynTegid · 21/11/2024 20:59

Regardless of the situation you face, you were being asked to sign something you did not feel able to do, and so chose to be honest. I hope things for your DD can change for the better.

Lying is not something you should be teaching anyone.

Bowies · 21/11/2024 21:05

You shouldn’t have to provide a medical letter every time she is unwell with a chronic illness and agree this is a ridiculous waste of resources.

Are the conditions disclosed to the school? Will they accept one letter which outlines her conditions and how they are expected to affect her attendance?

Can you engage with someone further up in the school and/or is there a school nurse you could make an appointment with to discuss the situation. There should be one even if they may cover several schools.

On the days she is unwell can she manage her condition so she can go in later?

WonderingWanda · 21/11/2024 21:08

The school are being ridiculous.

Op have you heard of these? www.noisolation.com/uk

You mentioned your dd doing homework in bed and the school could try and organise one of these robots, it will appease their attendance figures and your dd can still access lessons.

springtulips1 · 21/11/2024 21:13

NoContract · 20/11/2024 22:38

I’ve given proof of everything so I don’t understand how they could doubt it ?

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Are you getting the sense they actually don’t believe you, or they do but feel their hands are tied and they have to follow this process?

Because the latter is the stance I am seeing from schools a lot (work in health but work closely with schools). Most the staff i speak to also don’t agree but there is so much pressure from above, that they feel forced to enforce these procedures.