My parents live about 250 miles away from me, I live close to where I grew up (moved here with DH and DD 13 years ago), they live up north where we moved when I was in my teens. Their journey to ours is a 3 train journey. They are in their early 80s (81/82) but in good health for their age.
We moved here 11 years ago and they have visited once, which was when I almost died due to a serious medical event back in 2018 - even then it took them 10 days or so to come down, and I'm not joking when I say I nearly died (it was a resus/ICU job).
Over the years since then I cannot remember the amount of times my dad has queried whether we would like a visit from them at some point in X month, of course I say yes, but every single time I either never hear anything more of it or when I enquire when the month in question is coming up I'm told of a variety of reasons why they won't be coming by mum, such as having a dentist/doctor appointment or she is feeling under the weather.
I, of course, go to see them when I can, but this hasn't been for a good while now as every time I suggest we or I come up, my dad says "oh, we were thinking of coming down to you then actually", that doesn't happen of course and I can't make last minute arrangements to go up when I was originally intending (job, kids, other obligations) so we just don't see each other!
The driver in all of this is VERY much my mother. They had intended on coming down in September, then decided that, as they were also intending on coming to us at Christmas, they wouldn't. Last night on the phone when I mentioned Christmas to my mum she gave me a variety of non-committal responses such as "I can't think of that at the moment as my tummy is playing up" and "it's very complicated getting down to you" (it isn't - it's a train journey and me collecting them from the station). So I know, with 99% certainty that they won't come down. I've explained that it's been 6 years now, she said there's always a reason why they can't, I said they aren't going to get any younger or less infirm (I use the word loosely, they aren't infirm at this stage), no real response to that. It's becoming quite hurtful and also sad for them as their whole life revolves around their small town - which has dwindling friends in it as they pass away or move away (to be closer to family ironically).
About 15 years ago mum was mugged on her own street, they didn't manage to get her handbag but they did fracture her shoulder. It must have been a terrifying experience for her. I'm wondering if she hasn't psychologically recovered from that and that she is suffering from some form of agoraphobia? I doubt she would ever acknowledge she had a problem or seek help for it - but her's and dad's lives are being severely limited and they are becoming isolated due to her apparent inability to leave their home town.
Do you think I am way off the mark here? Any words of wisdom?