Another baby so soon after our first - AIBU?

[FranG65]

Hi guys, I’m wondering if I’m just a lunatic or if anyone else has experienced being super keen for trying for/ having another baby when they still have a young baby?
My firstborn is now 5 months old, and for the last few weeks I’ve had increasing thoughts of wanting to get pregnant again soon and have baby #2. I’m researching baby names and finding myself thinking through the logistics of 2 young babes, imagining what life would look like, that I need to check on work’s maternity policy, etc. Is this normal? I get so broody seeing tiny babies when I’m out and about too.
I feel SO excited at the thought of having another but also so guilty that I’m not just completely enjoying my first baby without even thinking of next baby.
I know many people have had babies as close together as this, if not closer, but I had always assumed it was usually an unplanned pregnancy the second time around. Help! I need either talking out of this if I’m being unreasonable or I need for others to share their similar feeling if I’m not alone haha. I know ultimately everyone is ready for more children at totally different times, but curious to know if many others have wanted another this soon.

My 2 are 17 months apart and now aged 31 and 30. They are very close. I had hyperemesis with both pregnancies. I knew I wanted 2 children and I couldn't have got the older one out of the house to school/ playgroup if I was pregnant due to the extreme and constant vomiting. I wanted to get through as much of the second pregnancy as possible before the first child was running about.

I have a 21 month old gap and that worked really well. For the first three month my toddler still had a nap and then he dropped his nap and the baby started sleeping through the night so I didn’t find it too tiring.
It’s been really nice during school holidays, weekends and holidays having two so close together.
There were two years when they were both at university and that worked well and it was lovely when they both came home for the holidays.

C section with first baby. Vaginal delivery with second.

My second was close to my first as the first delivery was so awful I knew that if I gave myself time to think about it I would have bottled out!

I am almost 38 weeks pregnant with baby number 2 and my first is 12 months in 2 weeks so i am living to tell the tale!

I found out when my baby was 4 months old. Very shocked and i am very scared but love reading all the stories on how close they ~should~ hopefully be.

Pregnancy has definitely been harder and trying to change a nappy with a bump is bloody hard, for months i have been lazier than i'd like for the sake of my firstborn, but i keep telling myself that she will have a sibling and grow up very closely with him and next year and so on we will do so much, and at least i won't be pregnant with a toddler 😊

My sister was born before my first birthday, I have obviously no memories of life before her and we are very close. However I do feel sorry for the under one year old me and the lack if attention I would have suffered..My own two had a 3.5 year age gap, so first got focus and second born when eldest was in pre- school. Also as fully recovered I had very easy second pregnancy and birth. Career manageable without paying double child care and had time for finances to recover a bit, much better all round in my experience. I would not have coped with two babies. I do realise for some that the bio clock acts against a larger gap.
Good luck op, whatever works for you

Haha love the term “potato baby” 😆 you make a valid point though, the logical part of my brain absolutely knows I should wait till baby boy is at least a year before trying again, it’s the less logical part of my brain that doesn’t know what to do with these feelings of wanting another ASAP 😂

I have a (just turned) 2 year old DD and only just decided that we will try for baby number two in the next few months (I wanted to start trying now but I'm a final year student and want to get through the next few months of uni stress first). I have zero regrets about waiting because I wanted to soak up all my time with my DD as a baby and now she's that bit older I feel like I am ready to do it all again so she will be 3 or just a little over 3 if everything goes well, and I think that's perfect because you get quality time with both children as the first is then starting pre school so there's more time with the newborn rather than constantly juggling two at the same time. Iv seen so many stories of siblings with a three year age gap having beautiful bonds so this also doesn't worry me atall, and nothing is ever guaranteed just because siblings with close age gaps might be close when they are small it doesn't mean they will stay close growing up, having another child should be more for you than for racing to pop another out on the offchance they are best mates. Do whatever feels right for you though.

Honestly, even a couple of months ago I never would have thought I’d be keen for another one so soon, I’m not sure where these feeling have came from ha! DS does not sleep well no, which makes me think even more that I’ve lost my mind 😂 he does 2-3 hour stretches on good nights at the moment but for the last 6-7 weeks we’ve had sleep regression, colds and now teething so some nights he wakes every hour 😵‍💫 he used to sleep a bit better prior to his sleep regression so I’m hoping he goes back to this soon, but yeah maybe this is all just a product of sleep deprivation 😂

Totally valid point, I do also wonder though (as I know I definitely want more children, this may be different for people who aren’t sure about having more) would it not be easier in some ways to get through all of the sleep deprivation stage at once, rather than say, getting through it with firstborn, getting used to sleeping well again for a couple of years, then going back to disturbed sleep again? And possibly risk disrupting an older child who likely sleeps through the night? Just food for thought!

Congratulations and good luck - so many mums on this thread with positive experiences of babies so close in age so hopefully it’s been nice for you to read!

I felt like this when my second baby was around your baby's age. So desperate for a third! It was definitely hormones in my case. It wore off as we approached his first birthday, and thank god it did! He was a beautifully placid baby who grew into a gorgeous but absolutely wild and chaotic child. I just didn't see it coming, and if hormones had had their way I'd be trying to cope with three kids 😅 Having said that, I think two is a great number, just with a larger age gap. Firstly so you have time to recover, and secondly so you know your own coping limits.

As someone who has a almost 7 year old, a just turned 3 year old and an almost 2 year old I'd definetely reccomend waiting. There's just 15 months between the youngest two (so I fell pregnant with DD3 when I was 5 months post partum) and it's extremely hard. A lot harder than the 4 year gap between DD1 and DD2.

Having 2 under 2 looks cute from the outside but it's extremely challenging😅

I'd recommend waiting. I had twins the first time over and still somehow found myself wanting a 3rd when they were only 6 months but logically I knew how silly it was! I didn't try to conceive again until their 2nd birthday and my son was born nearly 3 years after them. I absolutely loved the 3 year age gap and ended up repeating that same age gap twice (although my 5th was unplanned) and it's always worked out great. I think 2 to 3 years is necessary personally. I know people manage absolutely fine with 1 year gap and that is great but you shouldn't undermine the difficulties that come along with it!! Good luck either way

From the second I held my first born I just thought 'this is wonderful, I want another!'. We planned to aim for a two year gap and ended up with due dates 2 years and 1 day apart. As soon as my second daughter was born I thought 'this is wonderful, I do not want another thank you very much'. Hormones are strange.

The 2 year age gap is good but the first 6 months were hard work with 2 in nappies, 2 that needed carried, 2 in cots, 2 that needed to be dressed and fed, though one to a lesser degree. They're a little older now and every day is wonderful chaos but it is heartwarming to see them start to play together.

12.5 months between my 2
2 c sections
Was tough having two kids under 3 but don’t regret any of it
Started nursery together after my maternity with DD2
They were so close as kids and even closer as teenagers and it’s lovely to watch them together
Made trips out very easy when they were younger as they liked the same things at the same time - butlins,lapland, Disney
Same with activities, books, board games everything
New york together as teenagers
Wouldn’t change a thing

Sensitive material

Not sure how much truth is it this statement. Someone once told me your hormones / body thinks your baby has died if you don’t breastfeed hence the desire to have another baby straight away. Of course this could be nonsense but it would make sense.

The 2 year age gap is good but the first 6 months were hard work with 2 in nappies, 2 that needed carried, 2 in cots, 2 that needed to be dressed and fed, though one to a lesser degree.

I actually enjoyed that and liked that both my DC were in a similar routine. I liked bathing them together and reading my toddler his bedtime book with my baby in his little chair next to us.
I had a cot and a cot bed and that worked well, I did have an amazing amount of different prams and pushchairs, I’m not sure quite what was going on there.

I have a friend who has an 18 month age gap between her two... her mother has had to be signed off work and move in with my friend FT, as friend was simply unable to look after them both. She doesn't have PND or anything... she says she just literally doesn't have enough hands to keep them alive. I'm sure there are others who cope better, but still...

That does sound like an extreme case!

An impossible decision but as others have mentioned many mothers of babies feel a strong maternal urge for another which gently passes. To me it's a gamble but with the odds in your favour. The probability is that it will be very hard work but eventually be great. If life is not kind to you eg you have to be in hospital, the new baby is disabled or born with serious health issues etc then your problems double. I think it's worth looking hard at your support to see- is partner hands on, is relationship stable, are grandparents/friends able to give support (or are grandparents likely to need support)? If these are positive and your existing baby will be well cared for if life goes upside down, if it's what you really want, go for it imo.

Not to be a downer here, but don't wait until they are sleeping through. Firstly, you may be waiting a long time, secondly you only know if it 'stucks' in hindsight. Many are awful sleepers until are least 2-3 (and many beyond).

I was the same when my DS was a small baby! In the end we booked a holiday for when he was 18 months as a deterrent and agreed we'd start ttc again after that. He was a whirlwind between 12 and 18 months and I was very happy I wasn't pregnant (I have awful pregnancies)!

We had such a lovely holiday and so ttc no.2 as planned and i'm now expecting him any day now. They'll have a 2.5 year age gap. Early on DS was in such a lovely stage but he's absolutely hit the terrible 2's in the last couple of months so I'm between what on earth have I done and really looking forward to it. DS is now potty trained, talking in full sentences and settled in nursery and i'm quite glad we've got those things out of the way before no.2!

Even with what I've said some days I'm already planning for no.3 - I blame the hormones!!

I also had a c section and was told 12 months between pregnancies is recommended.