is this an interrogation ?!

[fliptothefloptotheflip]

Friend asked if I can go somewhere with them. I said sure but probably have to be next week if they want me to go with them as I am busy this week (i.e. working) and all this weekend. Their immediate response was ''what are you doing this weekend then'' ?

It just feels like an interrogation and that I need to justify my whereabouts for the weekend. I do not feel like it is a friendly curious question being asked out of showing an interest, especially as given this message exchange all took place on Monday, a whole week away from the weekend.

I will probably get flamed and accused of over thinking this and being a shitty friend for someone who was just trying to show an interest.

Tell her to fuck right off the nosy cow. That'll teach her.

I'm assuming this is out of character or you wouldn't be friends. Perhaps she felt you were making up excuses and really wanted some support. Perhaps you've let her down before and she's tired of it.

It's difficult to tell given the lack of detail in the OP. Often the best thing to do is talk to her to work out why she gave that response. Maybe she's going through something you're not aware of.

Or you can just tell her to fuck off as advised.

I don't think it's a terrible thing to ask a friend, is it?
She was just asking what you are doing at the weekend 🤷
I suppose you could tell her to fuck off if you really object to it, but it could cause offence 😂

No one here can know your friends motives for asking, maybe it is just a friendly enquiry, maybe she's being nosy or maybe she wants to know so she can negotiate for her wants to be prioritised but you are overthinking it. Just tell her you're busy and ask what day suits her for next week.

I've been called nosey for being a bit like this, when in truth I was just trying to appear interested. It's ok when I explain that the answer would go I once ear and out the other, as I don't really care where someone is going and what they're doing there. 🤣

It's literally the use of the word 'then' that makes it sound as if she doesn't believe you or accept your answer. I could easily ask out of interest, and if I was you I'd probably say up front 'oh, I can't at the weekend as I'm doing xyz'. It's the phrasing that sounds off. Which may or may not be intentional. At best take it as a sign she really wants to see you and is a bit disappointed you're not free sooner. Better than her saying I don't want to go anywhere with you! Presuming you actually do like her?

Tone is everything. None of us were there so we don't know. But there's a difference between a friendly 'what are you doing this weekend' from someone being interested. Vs it being said but in a shitty tone of voice that suggests that you're a cow for not being immediately available at their beck and call.

If it's the latter, then I'd be disinclined to do your friend much of a favour.

You sound like you're being really unreasonable, but maybe, as has been said, the tone was off

Are you not able to see her at the weekend or do you just not want to? If the latter, is that colouring your understanding of her meaning?

I'd just take it as friendly interest - an ordinary follow on to keep conversation going.

Unless there's a massive back story, or she had adopted the tones of a Spanish Inquisitor

@MereDintofPandiculation I've just got general stuff on at the weekend. Seeing my sister who I have not seen for a few weeks. Spending some time with DH who has been away working. There is a new hobby class I have signed up for. I am also taking my horse out with a different friend.

I just feel my friend is asking for justification for what else I could possibly be doing and yes @FOJN I think it is so she can negotiate for her wants to be prioritised ie prioritised over anything I might want/need/have to do

I also think she has FOMO.

It's a general question. Answer it and move on in the conversation.

I don't think it's an interrogation. She may be asking with the hope you'd do her thing instead, but that doesn't matter. You can just say you've got things to do. Iyswim, whether or not she's being interrogating, you don't have to be interrogated or feel strongly about it.

Well there's obviously back story as friends asking other friends what they're doing at the weekend is pretty normal. I'd take it as a 'ooh what have you got on?' kind of thing, just a friend showing interest. The fact you haven't suggests there's a back story here!

I guess her motivation for asking doesn’t really matter - and it’s important not to assume her intent based purely on how being asked made you feel. As pp answers show, it’s not really possible to tell just from this.

The fact it bothered you would be a better focus for your attention. If it genuinely made you feel she wasn’t happy you didn’t prioritise her then that’s just something to be noted and left with her if you otherwise enjoy the friendship.
Did you answer her question?
Could you have fitted her in you really wanted to but just prioritised yourself? (and quite rightly so!- esp as it sounds as though it can wait.)

I’d assume it was just general interest- and reply “oh just catching up with my sister and a few other friends/ DH and hobbies/ riding. Looking forward to seeing you the weekend after xx”

If she pushes you for times and further details then I think you’d be right to this she has an agenda (and obviously don’t answer) but I don’t think there’s much to go on from her first question.

"I'm just busy doing lots of different things"

What's fomo?

Depends on the tone, your situation etc eg how f she knew you were dating, she may be being nosy (I would be too)

Fear Of Missing Out

Depends a lot on the tone, if it was just showing interest then it’s fine but if it was a bit accusatory then I’d think the same as you. What does she want you to do with her? Is it something fun or something that would mainly benefit her?

Everytime she asks me this question she has an agenda. People will think she's just asking me because that's what friends generally do. Not with her. She is asking me because she has time she needs to fill with someone/anyone because God forbid she might spend an hour alone. She will want me to spend either a whole day with her, which if a Saturday will turn into the eve too, or it will be several hours on a Sunday. This is every weekend. Always on her terms and always hours on end because she purposely makes things last as long as she can so she is never on her own. I think it's selfish. I have DH & DC at home who might, just might, want to see me at the weekend and vice versa.
No it is not a case of be grateful she wants to spend her spare time with me. She is looking for whoever is around to fulfill her time. She is not bereaved, she is not newly single. She chooses not to date/ be in a relationship because she has trust issues, body hangups, thinks everyone is out to wrong her/lie to her. There is no reason for her to think this.

She makes me feel that she expects me be at her beck and call to keep her entertained when ever she needs it, regardless of my priorities/ wants/ needs.

And yet you describe this woman, who you term ‘selfish’, whom you say expects you to be at her beck and call, ‘has trust issues, body hang ups, thinks everyone is out to wrong her/lie to her’, and whom you clearly don’t like, a ‘friend’. Surely it would be better to end this friendship, which you seem to experience as so joyless, demanding and one-sided?

@TheErinyes it's not joyless. But yes I think there is a selfish element. You spend time with people because you want to, not because you've found yourself with a few hours to spare and are looking for anyone who is free to fill that time, regardless of who it is and what you do.