I always wonder who buys the gnomes Asda sells!
That would be my friend's daughter.
Aged 3, en-route to the toy store to spend her birthday money they stopped at Asda for a sandwich or something or other. Gnomes at the entrance to the store.
"I want him Mummy." Solemnly pointing at a gnome the same size as her.
"Ahhhh not today luvvie, c'mon hurry up, we've got to get to the toy shop!"
"No. I want HIM mummy."
"Mummy doesn't have enough pennies sweetheart, c'mon off we go!"
"I have pennies. I have birfdy money. I want him mummy."
"Yes, but you won't have any birthday money left for toys, darlin, so off we go!"
"I don't want any toys, mummy. I just want him. He's all I want."
"You want THIS giant gnome, Nova? From your BIRTHDAY money?"
"Yes, Mummy. I love him. I really, really love him." Intense. Serious. Furrowed brow, pouty lip. It could kick off any second.
Friend exits Asda with "George" in the trolley and a very happy 3 year old. Why is he called, George, Nova? "Because he's George at Asda OBVIOUSLY!"
Less than a month later, Nova is sadly staring at George who now resides in the garden through the raindrop streaked french doors.
"George is lonely, mummy. He misses his wife."
"I'm sure he's fine, Nova."
"No. He misses Georgina."
"I think you're just making that up, sweetie, good imagination though!"
"NO mummy. There was a LADY gnome at Asda. Next to George! We HAVE to go back for her!"
Now my friend had to go to Asda, in torrential rain, with a toddler, this time leaving with another giant gnome happily sitting beside her in the back of the car.
And this escalated, for years. They wanted a child. And a dog. And GRANDPA Gnome. Santa Gnome. Naughty Gnome (the one with his bum out) Every time I went round for coffee my friend would stare at them all lined up grinning at her in the garden and she'd say "I hate those fucking gnomes'".
They mysteriously disappeared during a house move. "Must have got lost on the way to the new house, Nova." Which just so happens to be very far away from Asda.