Wedding conundrum

[rainbowmaverick]

Wedding conundrum. My husband and I have been invited to my cousin’s wedding in August but our children, who will be 4 by then, haven’t been. The wedding is 5 hours away. My problem is, the only family we have will also be going to the wedding, so there is no one who can look after our twins. AIBU to say we can’t go? We don’t have much expendable income and have one family holiday a year. I could go by myself but by the time I’ve bought the outfit, paid for fuel, accommodation which would be 1-2 nights depending on the times and length of the wedding, food etc it seems like it would be a lot of money for up to 2 nights away without my family. We could all drive up for the weekend but again it seems like a bit of a waste of money when

a. My husband would have to spend the whole wedding elsewhere with our children

b. 10 hours of driving over a weekend with twin 4 year olds isn’t exactly my idea of fun

What’s everyone’s thoughts? I’m not super close to my cousin, we see each other once every 2 or 3 years, usually at weddings, funerals etc. We don’t meet up socially for any reason.

I’m torn…….

Our children weren't invited to a cousins wedding. The bride wrote a letter to explain why but it didn't change the fact all our baby sitters would be at the wedding. Her choice but her reasoning wasn't fair.

Don't go.

Just message and say that unfortunately you won't be able to attend due to the children. If they want you there they will have to invite the kids

Sack it off, absolutely no way would I be going in our shoes. Different if it's a closer relative or friend, might make the effort to go alone, but for a cousin you don't see often, nope

If you want to go, just go up for the night and share a room with a family member to control costs (just you, Dh and dc stay home). If you don’t want to go, don’t go. Having no childcare for a childfree wedding is a perfectly acceptable reason not to attend.

I wouldn't go

This is good advice

Seeing her so rarely make me think she just wants bums on seats to feel popular!! She doesn't want your dc there.. She isn't that arsed if you go imo. Not genuinely anyway..
Skip it and don't feel bad...

Just say no thanks we can’t come due to childcare. Hope you have a great day.
and that’s it.

I probably wouldn't go. Not in a stroppy "if my children can't come, I'm not coming!!" kind of way. Just because it sounds like a bit of a pain for you, practically and financially, and you're not close to your cousin anyway.

I wouldn’t go, just decline the invite.

Don't go. She is NBU not to want children there, you are NBU not to go. If you're not close it may be that she felt she should invite you, she probably won't mind that much if you miss it. Send your apologies, and on the day a card +/- a gift, all sorted.

Could your DH's side of the family babysit?

Could you hire a babysitter/nanny in the hotel? That’s if you’re bothered about going.

Nothing wrong with declining the invitation under the circumstances.

She's probably lying only inviting you out of obligation anyway so just say no

This doesn't need to be a drama.

Big family occasions can be great fun, often because you don't see people very often. So if you'd enjoy it and you can do it for a reasonable cost, go by yourself and enjoy catching up.

If that won't work, just don't go. No childcare is a perfectly reasonable excuse and it doesn't need to be a big deal.

Just decline. The last couple of weddings we've been to have been a bit dull, a lot of waiting around and boring chit chat. Not to mention pretentious. 😯

They are deceased

I don’t think this would be an option for us. It would be an additional expense on top of an already expensive weekend and it would probably be an Airbnb/pub if we did find accommodation. I also intensely dislike the idea of a stranger looking after my children for 9+ hours.

It’s fine not to go. Just politely decline and send a nice card at the time.

You're tying yourself in knots to find a way to go but none of them sound particularly viable, and do you even actually want to?

Go by yourself if you do go, leave DH and the kids at home.

If you REALLy want to go, can you catch a ride with your extended family and share a room with one of them?

I wouldn’t tbh, it’s an invitation not a summons as they say! They are free to invite whoever they like but you are equally free to decline for very valid reasons.

It sounds too difficult and expensive for a bride you only see every couple of years. Fine if it was at the local church followed by a quick cup of tea, but this is too much with small children. I'm sure your cousin will understand.

Nah, I'd send an apology explaining that due to childcare problems you can't attend.