To worry about DH not following through?

[RockyFowlboa]

The gym DH and I go has this thing called an "angel tree," which is a Christmas tree decorated with little angel ornaments, which have children's age ranges and genders on the back of them. Members are invited to take ornaments from the tree and purchase gifts aligning with the info on the back, and bring them to the reception desk to be distributed to families in need.

Yesterday, DH took two angels from the tree, and said he plans on taking another two from the tree at the other gym location to which we go. I thought that was very kind and generous of him, and I know we can afford it no problem... It's just that, on the way home, he was musing about what to purchase, and said "Might as well just every kid a tablet and be done with it." Which just felt like a really.... tasteless? thing to say because our own child is having behavioral issues that we both agree are probably related to her tablet usage.

I have this worry that he won't actually shop for appropriate toys, or purchase anything at all, and then I'll have to be the one who goes out and gets the gifts in addition to the ones I already have to get for our family members. I feel really stressed about it, but I'm not sure where that worry is coming from. I know I haven't even given him a chance yet, but the closer it will get to Christmas without him doing it, the less time I'll have to get it done if I have to step up...

AIBU?

This is a him problem, leave him to it. You say you can afford it no problem, but then say you’re worrying about where the money is coming from. Chris as is stressful enough without worrying about what other people are doing. Just give him some advice about tailoring the gifts to the individuals and then let him crack on.

Why are you swooping in to take over, leave it to him. If he messes up he messes up.

Then some children who were relying on the program won't receive presents, and I feel morally obligated to make sure that doesn't happen.

It's not a financial issue; if I did the shopping, I'd just use his credit card. It's just a matter of mental/emotional labor, and also of "how long do I give him before I just do it myself? will he be upset that I did it for him (too soon)?"

Yep, let him do it. I assume there is a system that the gifts aren't wrapped when you hand them over so the charity can check they are appropriate for the right kids/age ranges. If he ends up not buying anything then on his conscience be it, you didn't pick up the angels so it's not your responsibility

It's between him and the people at the gym.

I wondered if some of the stress you are feeling over this is to do with the issue you say you are having over your child's tablet usage?
Did your DH actually make the comment about buying all the children tablets to deliberately upset you because it almost comes over as that?

I don't think it was to upset me. I'm just not sure if he was joking or not.

I should probably just be an adult and ask him about it, huh?

This is a him problem.

You are not 'morally obligated.'

We are not here to do the decenting, the nicing and the kinding for them.

Let him fail. Or not.

Then either way, ensure he knows your opinion of his action.

Consequences matter.

This just sounds like you're willing a problem into existence when there currently isn't one. I really don't get why it's in poor taste to joke about getting each kid a tablet just because you're cutting down on tablet use for your own kid?

Hang on, does he do any shopping for Xmas presents for your own children?

If he leaves all that to you I would have to say something! So he can make an effort for a stranger but not his own kids? I would be really unhappy at that OP.

There won’t be done kid sitting there waiting for a gift
are you normally this anxious ?
he need to take mental load responsibility
if you are always swooping in then he will become sloppy

They will have designed the scheme expecting some people not to follow up. People get the sense of achievement from taking the angel, then the actual work of it goes to the bottom of their list. I'm certain this won't result in a real actual child going "where's the present Rocky's husband promised me"
You're enabling him. Which is fine if you're fine always doing it

Yes, he usually gets several gifts each for his daughters. He just tends to do it very last minute, and sometimes the gifts don't always arrive on time. (I'm guilty of that too. That's why I have anxiety about this.)

I don't know OP. You say you are both agreed about the issue with the tablet but his comment certainly doesn't come over as if he is in agreement with you.

I find the whole situation strange. Taking four angels from the tree seems like trying to be very conspicuous about his generosity. If the object is really to help under privileged children there are multiple ways to go about it that don't involve going out and buying actual gifts. There are plenty of Christmas charity appeals for donating money to help such children. Why not go down that route which would be beneficial and would allow the money to be targeted in the best way? But of course it would be anonymous and perhaps that is what your DH doesn't want?

I mean, we had just come from church at that time, and the sermon was about generosity during the holiday season, both with our time and money. Plus he was ranting to me about someone putting their clothes on top of his in the gym locker and wanting to throw them in the shower, and I had responded "Jesus preached forgiveness and generosity. Give the person the benefit of the doubt."

So I feel pretty confident he just noticed the tree and saw it as an opportunity to practice generosity while those things were on his mind.

Oh if it's a religious motivation for the generosity perhaps your DH might take note of Matthew 's gospel because it certainly encourages anonymous generosity:

Matthew 6:1-4 " ... But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

What a lovely verse

When I have done this the child has specifically asked for the thing that matters most to them. By taking the child’s name you are implicitly and explicitly agreeing to get them the thing they want. If a kid wants a firetruck or a book in a favorite series the tablet is of no use. But OP’s DH lazily wants to be the big man and just choose the easiest thing for him to purchase. Doing this has effectively blocked the child from getting what they want. Its such an asshole move.

No. Don't. It will be up to him I expect they don't correspond with actual children? Just a guide? And if some kid doesn't get one they won't be expecting one and he's the one who's obligated not you.

The whole concept of "angel tree" doesn't sit right with me anyway. You're not some sort of angels swooping in and saving christmas

he was musing about what to purchase, and said "Might as well just every kid a tablet and be done with it.

This is a great idea.

Back off and stop trying to interfere.

Most kids would love a tablet for Christmas. I think he's being incredibly generous, regardless of the underlying motive.

I’d really just let it go, and let him get on with it. Not your problem 🤷‍♀️

Butt out OP. In the nicest possible way it has absolutely nothing to do with you.