Is 'get therapy' the new trend on here along with 'be kind' ?

[needsomewarmsunshine]

Trends come and go on MN, there was a time when a lot of peeps would advise a spa day for everything even the smallest problem and now it seems to be 'get therapy' for everything. If you get it through work or private health care fair enough. NHS could wait months if not years, so many people will fall through the net and can't access it.
The other trend is 'be kind' 'it's not kind' et al. Only a few months ago many peeps were saying that they were fed up with being nice and kind for everything just because they were women. Men wouldn't be expected to do the same. This is totally wrong of course, but why the kindness trend on here?
Some posters will come along and twisted this thread beyond its intention as they generally do. But I can't get wound up by them at the best of times.

And??
What's your AIBU?
If that is a trend (and I hadn't noticed..) it seems like sound advice and it may be in response to the fact that an increasing number of people feel stressed, unsupported, on the edge etc.
Don't suffer, get therapy. Theres no shame in it. You only have one life so live it to the full.
Be kind - men, women and children. There's not enough kindness in the world. Your little expression of kindness may make a huge difference to the recipient and costs you nothing.

Surely suggesting people get professional help in whatever form that takes is sensible. If someone has a leak then you get a plumber, if you are having trouble with your MH you go to therapy, it has just become more accessible and more necessary to organise these things yourself rather than waiting for a GP appointment.

I do especially love the pass-agg "are you getting help for your anxiety / depression / etc" comments.

What at £50 a session and most people being time poor. Probably not.

Get therapy is normally recommended when people are allowing themselves to be treated badly, are clearly traumatised by past events and allowing them to impact their lives, aren't able to set or maintain healthy boundaries.

I've never seen it recommended here and thought it was bad advice.

This just seems like yet another "therapy is now a trend" goady thread which seems to come around every other week on Mumsnet.

The thing is it's not always possible to get therapy at the drop of a hat. What about people on low incomes, disabled who have problems getting that sort of help?
That is my aibu, I don't think it's the catch all answer if you can't access it to start with.

I've actually found there's more of a trend of people who know they struggle with something but won't do anything to help themselves.

I'm sure I'll be shot down for it but I've seen multiple threads lately from people with some pretty severe anxiety who expect other people to change their behaviour but won't ever consider getting help for theirs.

A lot of us here wished we had gotten into therapy years ago because we’d be much further along in our journeys. We’ve learnt that if you avoid issues they end up cropping up again and again. Telling someone to get therapy simply means get to the root cause before you waste another 10 years in the same shit fight

Anxiety and depression can both be helped by medication though which can be easily got from your GP.

There have been numerous threads over the years about counselling/therapy 'always' being suggested, about it not always being helpful etc etc It's not a new trend, I've suggested it (and had it) myself. I don't see the issue in suggesting it.

I haven't noticed a rise in 'be kind' but knew there was a backlash against it previously.

That’s an interesting take on it.

The thing is that a lot of the things that people post about on here are clearly more about their own issues than anything else. If you pick them up and put them in a different situation, they would feel exactly the same because their head is going with them.

Rather than collude with externalization of things which is not going to help anything other than the immediate moment and perhaps make the poster who is doing the ‘there there’ stuff feel nice, it’s much better to acknowledge the personal part in this.

Have you thought about therapy is a way of offering a helpful solution without colluding. It’s interesting that you see that as passive aggressive.

another a goady thread, really? if you've never seem therapy advised for boundary setting, peope with trauma, toxic relationships et al. on here then you aren't reading MN very much. If people need help then it's good if and when they can get it.
stretched you seem to get what I'm saying not everyone can afford therapy anyway.
Pas/aggressive is another trend and most people are suddenly narcs.🤔

Therapy has been widely recommended since at least the 90s, OP - I don’t think it’s a recent development. Tbf it has helped many of us… I absolutely take your point about it being inaccessible to many, though.

As for “be kind”, that’s been a thing for a good decade or so. And yes, it’s often used as a way of shutting women up (’twas ever thus).

Pas/aggressive is another trend and most people are suddenly narcs.

It’s true that we didn’t really have the language for many of these traits in the past. You undoubtedly see it being taken a bit far on here sometimes, but personally I’m glad we now have the terms to identify harmful patterns of behaviour.

Yes. It's absolutely crazy. People vastly over estimate the power of therapy and most people don't even seem to know what they mean when they say it. Wtf is 'therapy'. No one is qualified as a 'therapist' and if they are claiming that they have self invented the title.
I have recruited to our Trust and they need no formal qualifications whatsoever. None. Eventually they are expected to do a 45 day training course. But most never manage to complete it or leave before they have. They earn £26000 and we make every effort not to promote them as there is no money. Unsurprisingly the skill set is low and the turn over spectacular.
In the private sector there is even less regulation and anyone at all can call themselves as therapist and have a dabble.

Yes. It's absolutely crazy. People vastly over estimate the power of therapy and most people don't even seem to know what they mean when they say it

I find therapy as much of a religious belief system as anything. It's hardly a hard science.

I've been told I need therapy for having an opinion others didn't like and not hating certain groups of people who are often derided here as if only the unsound of mind or the chronically miserable can have these opinions. Ridiculous!

There are plenty of free and subsidised therapy options available. Yes, the waiting lists are often long which makes it more important to actually register as soon as possible.
Find an NHS talking therapies services - NHS

I also have a list of 20+ organisations in my local area who offer free or subsidised therapy for various groups. And I don't see any shame in someone accessing them.
If someone is going from one abusive relationship to the next and still think that they are the one to blame, I would be interested to hear what you have to say to them that will work better than therapy.

Ugh I hate the way therapy is pushed on here. I don’t think it’s a trend though, it’s been around for ages. People seem oblivious to the fact it’s very expensive!

I was on a low income when I started therapy. I cut back elsewhere (quite severely, including food) to afford to pay for it. If I recommend it to someone, it’s because I know how transformative it can be, when worked hard at, and with a good therapist, and because I think a poster clearly needs it. I am under no illusions that it’s easy to access or cheap, or provides magical transformation.

You can access some therapy free and relatively quickly on the NHS.

There are also lots of charities which offer free or low cost therapy.

Lots of work places also offer free staff counselling.

Therapy doesn’t have to be a private, long term arrangement.

I don't "agree" with therapy unless it's a very serious situation where professional help is going to make a tangible difference.

If a therapist is going to sit there and say "how did that make you feel" - well you could actually get that therapy for free by chatting on a mumsnet thread about it anonymously - that's if you had nobody suitable to talk about it IRL

my db had years' worth of therapy. it was expensive and achieved nothing at all. I actually think the therapist just pumped him for cash.

But it’s on people seeking therapy to check out a potential therapist’s qualifications, as with any other caveat emptor situation. My therapist, and my now retired former therapist, both had a 4- year (pt) BA in Counselling and Psychotherapy from a well regarded local university, which is accredited by the relevant national body. My sister, who specialises in addiction therapy, has the same, plus a master’s. Most therapists will have a website, or be on their group practice’s website, which will detail their training, approach, specialisms, accreditation etc.

‘What about-ism’ is a worse trend than ‘get therapy’. Someone puts up a recipe for a cake with nuts, what about me who’s allergic to nuts??

Not everything can apply perfectly to everyone. No answer is a catch all answer. Considering therapy is still a valid avenue and suggestion.

You have a mistaken idea of what goes on in a good therapy session. They’re often very challenging of your underlying beliefs and assumptions, very much not the kind of thing you’d get from a friend. I’m often absolutely exhausted afterwards and fall into bed that night.

I have obviously been on MN as long as OP.

Totally agree with you OP.

Therapy is expensive but it's not completely out of reach for most.

I see my therapist once a fortnight and the session is £60. It's my discretionary spend - probably about the same that many average income households spend on takeaways, alcohol or clothes/make-up.