Should you be told to go to hospital at this point?

[Abandonedbypals]

I complained to my hospital about an appalling birth experience, and I have just got back a response (after almost a year!)

One part of my complaint is about the hospital being unwilling to let me come in when in labour. The hospital has written all sorts about how full of regret the midwife in charge was etc. But it doesn't say at any point she made a mistake, just that she should have checked I was happy with staying at home.

If you have given birth, when we're you told to come in? Or even better, if you are a midwife, when does your hospital invite people in?

I was having a strong contractions every 3 minutes, strong enough to throw up. I had two contractions and vomited during a 6 minute call. My waters had broken 4 hours previously, and I had been in to the hospital to be assessed but sent home. The hospital knew I lived 45 min drive away.

I was told to take a paracetamol and have a bath.

AIBU to think this was a straight up mistake and the hospital should admit it? What were they waiting for???

Did you listen to their advice? Or go in regardless?

Did you go in? Hope all went well eventually for you.

Stupidly I listened - I was not in a good place mentally and was under mental health care at the time as I'd lost a previous baby the previous year, and I'm afraid the fight went out of me. I sort of suddenly felt we were both destined to die.

20 mins later I needed to push and then we went to hospital.

When I gave birth around 10 years ago I was told to go to hospital if waters broke to avoid infection risk, that's what I did and I was admitted immediately s a result. I don't know if advise has changed since then

Infection risk is only after x hours. Think it might be 24 hrs. 11 yrs ago I was sent home with instructions to come back in 24 hrs even if contractions weren’t close enough.

We went in when my waters broke, but they just check waters are clear and baby is moving and then send you back. They actually spent most of the time we were there booking me in for an induction for 24 hours time.

With my first I had a similar experience. Waters broke went in was sent home. Induction booked for 24 hours later due to infection risk. That evening contractions started, really intense back to back and I vomited a lot. Phones and they were like no first babies take ages blah de blah. A good half an hour away. I couldn’t even talk and dh insisted we came in to be assessed. They left me waiting for ages in waiting room. I think because I’m stoic, I’m not a wailer, so quietly shut down in response to pain. They were concerned when they did assess me as the back to back contractions were causing stress to baby so his heartbeat was off, also struggled to get reading. Needed constant monitoring so attached sensor to his head. Someone sticking a hand /possibly just fingers through your cervix to attach a sensor really hurts btw.

I think it made the whole thing more stressful than necessary tbh. On a subsequent birth I had an epidural and found that birth much better, calmer, I felt in control I wasn’t vomiting with every contraction. No more children for me but I’d strongly encourage women to choose a birth partner you trust to advocate for you. I’m normally capable of speaking up for myself but I really couldn’t and felt that things were being done to me and at speed. I’m sure it was medically required but I think if I’d been assessed earlier and given adequate pain relief it’d would of been better.

Did you make it to hospital in time?

I didn't even phone the hospital up just went in, they never sent me home but then on arrival I was 7cm so they couldn't send me home anyway.

I'm no longer practising but I am a qualified midwife. 100% you should have been asked to go in. Strong, painful contractions every 3 minutes is a clear sign of active labour.

This is why phoning is a waste of time. With both mine I just went in. My first was very similar to yours. Both times they didn't check me immediately (high pain threshold so I wasn't screaming the place down). Both times when they finally did check I was ready to push.

Eesh this is bringing back some trauma for me. So sorry you had to go through this too OP :(

My husband had to lie on the phone about how close together my contractions were (really eight minutes apart but incredibly strong for over a minute) in order for them to allow us to come in. I'd been in labour around 32 hours at that point.

Turns out I was 10cm on arrival and missed out on the water birth I wanted because of it.

Second birth I vowed it wouldn't happen again as it was a different hospital and we lived 40 mins away. Contractions were the same again, very strong but not close. We explained my previous birth on the phone to the midwife after a day and a half of labour and she told me to come in so I thought 'Great! I'm being listened to.'

On arrival we were put in a bay and then they used every excuse not to check to see how dilated I was and threatened to send me home over a number of hours because 'You can talk between contractions. If they were that bad you wouldn't be able to.'

Eventually husband and I decided to go down to the car for the bags because we knew (even if no one was actually listening) that the baby would be born soon.

We got back with the bags and she was born 15 minutes later. Missed out on a water birth again and was duly traumatised. Eugh. I'm still upset about it six months on.

Advice to everyone: Advocate for yourself even if you have to be pushy as I wasn't (afraid of being rude) and it cost me the birth I wanted. Make people listen.

Yes! It's so frustrating! I was explaining 'I'm in a lot of pain when they happen but I internalise it, I'm sorry I'm not displaying the reaction you're expecting. I'm not someone who screams.'

Mine tried to send me home but I clung to the bed and refused. Dh asked for a second opinion and the registrar came in very quickly (I was the only woman in labour). Turned out I was 10cm and not even in a delivery room so he yelled at the midwife (very unprofessional but I was so happy to have someone in my corner). Dd1 was in my arms 25 minutes after being told to go home.

in my case, the midwife let the trainee do all the checks and listened to her over me. I tried to complain after but they made it hard and I was busy with a newborn so gave up. I did later discover they did do something and when I had pregnancy number 2, that midwife wasn’t allowed near me.

Went in when waters broke with first (wasn't 100% sure they were clear so they had us straight in)
Second was home birth but they did seem a bit like oh we've come very early as I was pretty calm and they were surprised to find I was 7cm dilated
One friend had similar story with first that she got to the point of pushing while being told first babies take a while but she was at least at hospital. My other friend got sent home and baby turned up in the car in mad dash back couple of hours later - she did get an apology from midwife

YANBU, they didn't listen to you. I was ignored because I wasn't 'screaming' or 'in enough pain', I was fully dilated and not in pain!

Mine were down to a minute apart, still another 20 hours after they were 3 mins apart.

On the surface yes contractions every 3 minutes is usually when it's recommended to go to your chosen place of birth BUT how long had you been having contractions for?

10-15 minutes? As in had 3-4 contractions total then saying see if this keeps up, maybe a bath/paracetamol ring back if you feel you need to come in - fine

Been an hour and it's definitely in that pattern - yes, come in

However the most important factor is - are you coping and do you want to go in?

My DD is 11, I had a VERY traumatic birth in which I had a huge PPH, losing 3.5 pints of blood, a third degree tear and no pain relief. I went from 3cm to 10cm unusually quickly and when I suddenly said I needed to push they told me I didn’t, I just needed to vomit. They’d withheld pain relief from me for ages and I felt everything. I wouldn’t have torn if they’d listened to what I had to say about pushing, they’d have given me an episiotomy. I complained, went through their “listening service” and I’m still battling to get an apology and to take responsibility

Maternity care in this country is third world, a total abomination, women are ignored, shouted at, left in pain and in extreme circumstances left to die. It’s disgusting and something needs to be done. You are not alone OP, keep fighting for the answers and apology you deserve.

This whole “stay at home for as long as possible” is BS. They will tell you because being at home is more peaceful. When actually women In excruciating pain normally want one thing - pain relief. There needs to be a serious review about how labouring women are treated before more women and babies either die or are left deeply traumatised

I was actually admitted when my waters broke but only because I was pre-37 weeks. They spent the whole day telling me that my contractions (which started while I was on the ward) weren't real and that I would be home after 24 hours and I'd be booked in for a induction.

Finally, got a midwife to listen to me and by the time she checked, I was fully dialated and needed to push. I didn't even have time to get my leggings back on before they rushed me to labour ward.

Very lucky that I was actually in hospital and not sent away.

I honestly think that unless you have a 'text book' labour they don't know what they are doing. I was told I wasn't in labour because I only had a mild back ache. No one checked on me, for hours. It was only when I felt an urge to push that they realised that not everyone has actual pain. But I knew that happens. I've known other women say exactly the same. It's like, you aren't screaming so you aren't in labour.

Yeah, they told me to stay at home when my contractions were three minutes apart. They only let me go in because I said that I needed pain relief if this wasn't the most intense it would be. They stuck me in a room by myself for 45 minutes, with me breathing through these really hard, sub three minute contractions, and when they finally did bother to assess me, were like, 'you're through transition! You're ready to push!'.

So I'd spent over an hour breathing through and ignoring perfectly good strong contractions. I had to push for four fucking hours before they decided I needed help and used forceps to get my baby out. I've been left with nerve damage as a result. I will NEVER forgive those midwives. When I had a debrief before my second (a C section - not making that mistake twice), the midwife said that they should have recognised that I was in active labour and had me in much sooner. Fucking useless.

Sorry. But maternity care in this country is a shitshow and too many midwives clearly do not listen to women.

This brings back memories of trauma from my two births, now 37 and 34, first one we nearly both died and second was nearly born in the toilet because they told me I just needed to poo.

I'm so sorry OP, the system is definitely broken in the UK.

I went in for a check when I was 3 contractions in 10 minutes but was sent home, told to have paracetamol and go to bed. I then phoned a couple of hours later because I was losing quite a bit of blood and vomiting with the contractions but they also said that was ok as it was my 'bloody show'.

Within an hour my contractions were back to back, and my body was naturally pushing my baby out! My DH phoned and first up they said he should check to see if he could see the babies head!! However when they heard our panic they finally said to come in. Waters broke in the car, they first took me to an examination room before realizing baby really was coming (was 10cm on arrival) so I got a delivery room. DD1 born an hour later.

It was a very scary as it felt like I was going to have her on the floor at home/in the car! It was very fortunate we were only a 5 minute drive from hospital. I do understand that first babies can take a long time, but there does need to be a better balance because equally when it's your first baby it's also scarier for you as you don't know what to expect!

And I'm sorry to say, I think I got better treatment with my first as the labour was supervised (if that's the right way to put it) by a registrar. He actually seemed to listen to me.