Should you be told to go to hospital at this point?

[Abandonedbypals]

I complained to my hospital about an appalling birth experience, and I have just got back a response (after almost a year!)

One part of my complaint is about the hospital being unwilling to let me come in when in labour. The hospital has written all sorts about how full of regret the midwife in charge was etc. But it doesn't say at any point she made a mistake, just that she should have checked I was happy with staying at home.

If you have given birth, when we're you told to come in? Or even better, if you are a midwife, when does your hospital invite people in?

I was having a strong contractions every 3 minutes, strong enough to throw up. I had two contractions and vomited during a 6 minute call. My waters had broken 4 hours previously, and I had been in to the hospital to be assessed but sent home. The hospital knew I lived 45 min drive away.

I was told to take a paracetamol and have a bath.

AIBU to think this was a straight up mistake and the hospital should admit it? What were they waiting for???

I think there’s an important point here that people are missing, and you are minimising OP. You went through the traumatic experience of losing a baby the previous year. Of course your emotions and anxiety was heightened and I’m so sorry they didn’t give you special care.

I was in the same situation (but had an elcs for medical reasons) and the consultants and MH midwives couldn’t have done more to support me. I don’t know about your actual question, but I’m sorry you weren’t supported better.

I think that's normally tbh.

If its your first contractions can amp up but then stop for a while. I went in after strong contractions for 12hrs thinking I was about to push and got sent home for another 12 hrs.

They're very understaffed, they can't have someone at 2cm for 3 days taking up space/ midwife. Sad to say but true.

I would try and focus on your baby rather than the birth if that's your only complaint tbh.

Have you had a debrief as a result of your complaint , going through your notes? What were the consequences of waiting?

I wouldn't be happy with that level of 'care'. With my first 7 years ago I had contractions ramping up over several hours until they got to around 3 in 10 minutes lasting a minute or more, after they stayed like that for a while we called the hospital and the midwife? on the phone asked to speak to me, said she could tell from my voice that I was in labour and to head in. We got there an hour or so later and they measured me at 4cms so I was admitted, my waters hadn't even broken like yours. I won't say the rest of the labour went brilliantly... but admission at least was smooth and timely.

Did you make it in time to give birth at the hospital?

The state of maternity care in this country just gets more and more appalling every single year.

It makes me so cross to read things that are normal in maternity care that really shouldn't be normal!

I'm mad at every level. Government, funding allocation, medical professionals competency, medical neglect, the attitude of the midwives who forget they should be women centering in women centered care, and the gaslighting into making you doubt the signals your own body is giving you and how strongly or intensely you should feel them.

I'm very sorry OP I hope you find closure over time.

Pregnancy and postpartum were some of the most traumatic times of my life. I could have all the therapy in the world and I don't think I'd ever truly feel healed.

I had a similar experience OP. Waters broke and told to go in. In the time it took me to get my bag together, phone my mum etc, contractions were coming almost a minute apart. It happened so quickly. Got there, checked my waters and booked an induction before being sent home to have a bath. I honestly couldn't believe it - contracting every minute! I tried the bath but the pain continued and I felt like the contractions were tearing me apart. I phoned the hospital back in tears and they told me to come in. Remember getting there and it taking ages to reach the correct unit - it was late so the main entrance was closed, I could barely walk a few metres before a contraction would stop me and there were no wheelchairs. When I got in, I was admitted as labour had progressed so quickly in the short time. I still remember the unbearable pain and how alone I felt when they sent me away with an induction date. Really awful and like you, think something was missed. Turns out baby was back to back and labour wouldn't have progressed as it should so I ended up with an emergency C-section. I've often thought about what would have happened if I'd stayed at home.

Thank you for sharing your stories. It looks IANBU by and large.

For those who asked, yes we did make it to hospital where they found I was obviously fully dilated. I'd spent the whole car journey trying very hard not to push, and once we got to hospital contractions had slowed right down. I don't have many memories from that point (I have had to have EMDR trauma therapy since) but I pushed for 5 hours from that point, then had a forceps delivery with tearing and a haemorrhage. Recovery hasn't been easy and I'll need surgery in a couple of years to sort my pelvic floor out (they won't do it if there's a chance you might have another baby)

We'd actually been flagged for additional care from midwives due to a second trimester loss the previous year that had also lead to being rushed into surgery. But that didn't materialise, and it was clear no-one had read my notes at any point.

The hospital have acknowledged all sorts of things happened which shouldn't have, including being left for 12 hours in a blood soaked bed, and 6 shifts of midwives offering no breastfeeding support at all even though we were supposedly being kept in specifically for that purpose.

But there's no "why" for anything - no acknowledgment that either midwives weren't trained, or forgot we were there, or prioritised other patients. I don't know whether hoping for this "why" is pointless.

I don't think you will get a "why". Obviously it was traumatic and is still affecting you. What counselling or support has the hospital offered?

I was sent home in the USA so it is not just the U.K.! I told them that the baby was well on the way, they didn't believe me ... needless to say I was back at the hospital 2 hours later, I was 8cm, broke my waters and baby was born 20 minutes later. Whether it is drs or midwives, they tend to base recommendations on experience whereas we are all different

I am so sorry you went through this. My dd and dil had horrid times last year at a hospital that has been in the news a lot. They seem to think a fancy new building will wipe bad memories clean but the staff are the same. With regard to the investigation/apology this is standard 'hope this shuts her up' rather than a detailed caring response that you deserve. Complaints are learning experiences so the service improves but nowadays in so many areas you are just seen as a whiney nuisance. If you have the energy don't let this drop yes times are tough for the nhs but this is no excuse for poor care for two people.

As a midwife I would have invited you in. I'm a big believer in listening to you, and if you need to be in hospital whether it's because you are labouring or just because you need to be reassured that all is ok then I'd invite you in. This does not always make me popular with my colleagues but ah well.

Maternity is a very stretched and overwhelmed service, and it makes me sad we are causing so much trauma to women. It's not the reason I became a midwife (I became one because of my experiences with my two pregnancies and births which left me with trauma). I'm really sorry you had the experience you had. If there is a next time insist on meeting with a Professional Midwifery Advocate in early pregnancy and go through this and your concerns again.

Well they can't stop you going into the hospital building and sitting in the cafe so you could always do that as a last resort. I have no experience of when to go in because I was induced, but I couldn't sit down for a lot of it so wouldn't have missed the bed.

I was having my third child when they tried to send me away. My other two children were in A&E with my husband as one of them was ill and I was alone. I remember crying and telling the midwife that.

Where exactly did they expect me to go?
They just told me I wasn't yet in labor and needed to go away.

I remember thinking fuck it. They can't force me to leave. If they won't give me a room I will just stand here and give birth in the waiting room. Better that than the children's A&E department upsetting the kids with the weird noises I am making.

Of course they were wrong and I was in labor and gave birth soon afterwards after being rushed into a room. They will not listen to women. If you don't come in until the last possibile moment they can turn around the cases faster. Who cares about the stress and potential harm to women and their babies?

There seems to be a belief among healthcare professionals that if you can speak you are not in active labour. With my first my contractions were close together and I knew I was in labour. I rang and got the "well, you could come in but if you're not in labour we'll send you home" speech. I was told to take a bath. Because I was managing fine and able to speak they discounted my opinion. I went in and lo and behold I was well on my way. They were so casual and not in any rush to check me. Good job I trusted myself.

It is normal and we need to be fighting that every step of the way, not just accepting that's how it is, they're understaffed and what can you do [shrug].

Maternity services in this country are a disgrace, babies are dying unnecessarily, there is scandal after scandal yet nothing seems to change. It makes me so angry.

@WorstBJever I really wonder why that is? The way my contractions were going meant that once one ended I could chat and do things as normal until the next one started. Then I had to stop and breathe through it.

Even when I was actually pushing my daughter out I could talk in between the contractions 😂

I had a chaotic delivery of twins 30 years ago. My first DC had been born after a 3 hr labour. I was really worried about getting in there fast enough and all the antenatal midwife would do was say that all labours are different. I saw a doctor once and he didn't see a problem. The only supportive person was the doctor I saw a couple of days before when I was being monitored having lost my mucus plug to make sure I wasn't in a silent labour.
Twin deliveries were supposed to take place in a room next to the theatres with an epidural at least 2 doctors and about 4 midwives.

It is a bit of a long story so I will give most of it a miss, but when I rang up at 4.30am with contractions every 3 minutes, 1 month early, I was told to come in at 9am. I just said I was going in anyway and got there at 5.30am. Whilst I was there, a young doctor (on instruction from the registrar in bed) put in a line 'in case things needed speeding up', broke my waters and we were attached to two monitors which no one ever looked at.

DT1 was born in the side room with just me and DH, having narrowly missed arriving in the toilet, and DT2 was born in the delivery room on the other side of the ward, by which time some more staff had turned up.

When I saw the midwife a few days later, she just said 'When you come in at that time, we usually just keep you comfortable and hand you on to the day staff' 🤷‍♀️

Is this about poor resources in the sector rather than individuals making mistakes? Or is it both.

I find it so distressing to read things like this, particularly when one has lost a child because of such a mistake.

I nearly died ( I really did) in hospital. Something so obvious was left for weeks and once the mistake was obvious I got shipped out to another hospital for 6 months because this oversight led to sepsis. It sometimes doesn't matter how obvious,how apparent the mistake was. There's this overarching culture of denial and no accountability across the NHS. I believe the same in private healthcare across the pond tbh.

For my own mental wellbeing I realised the fight wasn't worth it. I really would like to hope that complaints bring about change. I don't know the answer to that. Just some acknowledgement would be really therapeutic I know that.

The worst gaslighting ( word of the moment), I have ever experienced is by the medical profession sadly.

The system has been crap for years. I went in and was told that I wasn’t in enough pain, walking too fast and being a nervous first time mum but I insisted on being checked and was 9cm. Being treated like a nuisance was shit and I’m glad that I didn’t take the NHS advice at the time of staying home as long as possible.

I had my last baby overseas and it was great not bring treated like I was imposing on the hospital staff. They took much better care of me and was very patient with my basic language skills.

My first 11years ago I had a midwife appointment that afternoon. I wasn’t having proper contractions but it was my due date, she gave me a sweep and said “probably the next few days” so I went home, had a bath and didn’t go to the hospital until my husband made me. Had my oldest son in 2hrs. What happened after was beyond shocking and I have PTSD from what the midwives said and did to me and my baby.
with number 2, 7 years ago, my waters went so I was requested to attend the hospital (I am extremely high risk and clinically vulnerable) so I went even though I knew it was no good. They finally let me go home under threat of induction (which there was no way I was letting them do that) if I hadn’t had baby by 10am next morning.
cane home, ate a salad and jacket spud, ate an entire pineapple (mad craving) and went to bed. Woke up at midnight and told my husband we needed to go. Got to the hospital by 1am.
got told “go home” because I wasn’t “in active labour” despite pushing uncontrollably, so I told her to F off, settled myself into a birthing suite and proceeded to have a baby on their floor. 1:10am baby boy number 2 arrived. They knew not to mess me around this time, so no trauma from that.
I vomited and defecated my way through two births fairly quickly and easily, it was the aftermath and being threatened I didn’t find amusing. Luckily the midwives in question are no longer working for the hospitals as there was a huge scandal about it and they all got struck off.

Are there any charities you can contact for advice? Something like this https://www.birthtraumaassociation.org/birth-stories

41+6 with second baby. Had been 3cm dilated for 9 days with prodromal labour and 4 sweeps.

00:13, contraction happened, instinctively wanted to go to hospital immediately. Rung them to say I’m on my way, told I wasn’t in active labour and to stay home, I was able to speak and didn’t seem phased, ignored what I told them about being 3cm dilated before this happened and that this sudden huge contraction had hit. Told them I was getting in the car and on my way anyway. By the end of the 5 minute phone call I’d had another 2 contractions but they were still saying it was “inconsistent” and not active labour as it had only been a few minutes.

Went downstairs to get in car, by the time MIL arrived for emergency childcare (short drive away thank goodness) at 00:28 waters broke on the doorstep, I was pushing and baby was out less than 5 mins later.

Arrived at hospital by ambulance for checks and I was asked what the delay was between me ringing them and me getting to hospital?! Several conversations further, apparently I was to blame for not getting there sooner even though contractions hadn’t started until just before I rang them and the rest of it happened within 20 minutes! (Hospital is 45 min drive away).

I’m glad I stood up for myself even though I didn’t get there in time. As a first time mum, I think I’d have listened to their advice.