Mother in law takes priority ALWAYS

[brecal11]

So I am after some desperate advice because I feel like I am talking to a brick wall when it comes to my partner.

my partner has never stuck up for me when it comes his mother. We used to have a quite nice relationship and respected one another, but that changed once she found out I was pregnant. She then belittled me and made me feel worthless, so I stopped speaking to her for a time and avoided going to her home because of the way she made me feel.

my partner used to encourage me to go and speak to her and say because she has mental health she doesn’t have a filter and we should just make up and I did twice for his sake but then vocalised how I felt about it. I said no.

since then she has faked 3 mental health crisis and my partner is sticking up for her more than ever. He also would rather spend his time off work doing stuff for her, than spending time with his children. I see him for maybe an hour before he falls asleep on a evening when he finishes work, get no help with kids and household task,

where am I going wrong? I honestly feel like a single mother.

Leave. You will never come first.

Get him to take the children with him to his DMs

Do something for yourself

You have his wage at the very least so you are not anything like a single mother.

That aside, your contempt for your MIL is coming through loud and clear. She might very well deserve it but I'd be interested to hear other sides to this.

i can understand why you would think that I would have his wage because we live together however that’s not actually the case. All bills and children needs are taken care of by me.

so no I don’t have his wage.

Honestly, if you are paying absolutely all bills on your own then get out as there is no point staying

Thank you for your honesty. I have been thinking that.

Just tell him to go live with her. That's not a marriage

Dump him.

What?!? Why are you paying and doing everything?!

what does he bring to the table if not helping, paying or spending anytime with you as a core family unit?

I honestly ask myself that everyday. I see the relationship breaking but he doesn’t. All am asking him for is time together is that too much to ask?

Get the book “married to his mom” —lots of guys can’t or won’t cut the apron strings. In his mind you are strong and don’t need him. While she is a permanent victim and he is her rescuer. You will never come first.

Oh Al have to get that one. Sounds like an interesting read. Thank you, I know will never be first. But my children will always come first to me.

Then why are you sticking around?

She is just being a typical MN MIL.
😉😁😁

When I lived near my mum, I saw her most days.

We were very close. I enjoyed her company and was happy to help her with things that she couldn't do herself.

In a lot of cultures, that is absolutely normal and expected.

If dp had objected, or been jealous, I would have thought a lot less of him for it.

I don't think mil is your problem. The problem is that your dp doesn't seem to want to spend time with you. If you really do pay for the whole household and feel like a single mother, you could easily separate and improve your situation so why not do that.

He’s not contributing financially, he’s barely there, he doesn’t look after his own kids. Send him back to his mum.

So he doesn’t prioritise you or have your back, and you pay for everything? You’d be better off without this loser op, raise your bar and ditch the dead weight..

Are the children his? If so, you need to open a case for child maintenance if he’s not contributing to their care.

I'd say to him I will give you until after Christmas to start spending time with us and you need to start paying 50/50 in the house otherwise after Christmas you can leave.

In that case, why do you keep him around?

The little man baby needs to go back home to mummy.

He doesn’t pay any bills or anything towards his children?! why on earth not? He’s pathetic.

He needs to go.

@brecal11 I've just read back and I was quite harsh last night. I stand by what I said but apologies for being unsympathetic

You give your other half one final opportunity to cut the apron strings (or in his case the umbilical cord) as it's massively unattractive, unsexy and he can decide if he wants back in his mother's womb or to grow up, become the adult he should be, the father he needs to be and the husband you want him to be by putting his family - you and the kids, first. Anything else and you'll pack his bags for him.

You are the breadwinner here so you could find somewhere to live with the kids and let him move back to his mother.

You seriously need to leave.

So he's just costing you money. It's like you have another child in the house, not a partner.

Let his mum pay his way