Mother in law takes priority ALWAYS

[brecal11]

So I am after some desperate advice because I feel like I am talking to a brick wall when it comes to my partner.

my partner has never stuck up for me when it comes his mother. We used to have a quite nice relationship and respected one another, but that changed once she found out I was pregnant. She then belittled me and made me feel worthless, so I stopped speaking to her for a time and avoided going to her home because of the way she made me feel.

my partner used to encourage me to go and speak to her and say because she has mental health she doesn’t have a filter and we should just make up and I did twice for his sake but then vocalised how I felt about it. I said no.

since then she has faked 3 mental health crisis and my partner is sticking up for her more than ever. He also would rather spend his time off work doing stuff for her, than spending time with his children. I see him for maybe an hour before he falls asleep on a evening when he finishes work, get no help with kids and household task,

where am I going wrong? I honestly feel like a single mother.

Why are you with him if you don’t get anything out of this relationship?

My exMIL had a go at me once, afterwards my husband said “ I know she (MIL) is in the wrong but she’s my mum and I will always take her side over you or the children”
I knew there and then that our marriage was over.
One of our kids is NC with him now and the other very low contact… him and his mother live happily together!

He doesn't respect or care about you or your children. He is not going to change. You have enabled his behaviour by taking on all the responsibility. Time to change that. Any decent human being would put their partner and children first.
Kick him out and be a good role model for your children. Don't let him persuade you he will change.

How come you're paying for everything op?

I think it sounds like he's getting all the benefits of being in a relationship and having a nice home and family without having to actually put in any of the effort to maintain it or contribute.

I understand growing up with a parent with mh issues is hard and you do end up taking on a caregiving role but he needs to set boundaries with her and probably go to therapy himself to unpack what he's accepted as normal.

I'd be laying it out VERY clearly that if he doesn't start stepping up and being more present and prioritising you and your kids then he'll be living with his mum full time.

It doesn't mean he can't see her or spend time with her but it does mean he is balancing it with his responsibilities to his immediate family which is now you and your kids.

I honestly feel like a single mother

Become one then, he's no loss, and at least he'll then be forced to contribute towards his dc.

There's nothing wrong with an adult child, irrespective of gender, seeing their parents daily.

Separately...
If you feel like a single parent and pay all of the bills maybe ask him to stay over at his mums for a week, explain why and see how you go on.

I'd rather be alone in bringing up DC than have a relationship where all I get to do is their cooking and dirty laundry.

He is not your partner.
You are the objectified convenience that he uses. He doesn't care about you.

The only thing you are doing wrong is not getting rid of him. Boot him off and put in a CM application asap.

How do you know she’s faked 3 mental health crises? Thats a horrible accusation to make without proof, and clearly her son believes her.

I think if your partner is struggling to care for a parent with mental health problems then it’s your job to support him, not whine that you only get to see him for an hour a day.

Seriously 😂

Yes op and pay the bills whilst you are at it!!

Why make sure a nasty comment?

Absolutely agree.