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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Christmas is for the kids

113 replies

damsonnatter · 17/11/2024 23:21

AIBU to find the whole 'Christmas is for the kids' a bit of an eye roll...

Yes it's wonderful for children and I love that they find it magical but Christmas doesn't have to just be geared towards them
It's a good excuse to take a well deserved rest (if you are fortunate enough), see loved ones and treat yourself

If you are part of the 'Christmas is for the kids' gang - why do you think this? Vs Christmas is for everyone

OP posts:
ByMerryKoala · 18/11/2024 10:45

Christmas is for everyone but I think gift giving between adults becomes a burdensome and unsatisfying quid pro quo arrangement.

BrieAndChilli · 18/11/2024 10:45

For me Christmas is a season.

My kids are 14+ now so no longer in the santa stage. However there are plenty of things we do to enjoy the season either with each other or with friends

  • Iceskating
  • Local light trail
  • Christmas shopping
  • Christmas at a national trust house
  • christmas themed escape room
  • Christmas films
  • Wreath making
  • Christmas drinks/meal out

The actual xmas this year is just the 5 of us. We will still have stockings but there will be less presents as kids toys take up a lot of space although DD is getting a double bed for christmas!
As no guests I will scale back on the variety of food as dont need to cater for a variety of people but have nice food including a full christmas dinner as its my favourite.
We will play board games, watch Xmas specials and films and a few drinks!

Olinguita · 18/11/2024 10:50

I'm a practicing Christian so for me, Christmas is literally for everyone!

I love celebrating with family and making it special for DC but I also cherish having a get together with my old uni friends at this time of year - lots of them are LBGT/child-free and we sometimes do a secret Santa even though we are in our 40s and just enjoy having an afternoon or evening together in a cosy pub or at someone's house.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 18/11/2024 10:52

I love Christmas, but struggle to escape being rota'd to work it due to the sharp-elbowed "it's for the kiiiiiiiiiiids" types I work with.

It's definitely not just for kids! I had my first one off last year in years and had a lovely chilled out time. I get really depressed in winter and Christmas is just a great distraction for me.

Crushed23 · 18/11/2024 10:54

I'm 35 with no kids and I love Christmas.

Admittedly the Christmas activities aimed at children seem ballachingly dull (Santa's grotto and the like), but 1-2 months of parties, Christmas food, mulled wine and presents? Yes please.

mondaytosunday · 18/11/2024 10:57

My kids are now technically adults but I get the same pleasure from choosing gifts, decorating the house and eating the food. It may have been more 'fun' when I was a kid and not doing all the work, but I still love it.
It's different with young kids at the present opening part, but otherwise is it? As long as there is a few of you it may be less frantic but is it less joyful? I still love the lights, the tv shows/movies, the dream of maybe this year it will be white. It's still magical to me.

CoffeeCantata · 18/11/2024 11:04

Christmas is for everyone!

I hate this kind of sentimental attitude. My children are adults now and of course we made it magical for them when they were young - and they appreciated/still appreciate that. But it's for everyone to enjoy.

I particularly hate the idea that single or childless people should be automatically expected to work at Christmas to allow parents to be with their children. Those people have just as much right to a Christmas as anyone else - and of course, they will have aging parents and other family to consider.

Dotto · 18/11/2024 11:10

Christmas is whatever you want it to be, or nothing, depending on your opinion of it and relationship to it.

Some people don't have children, or indeed any family at all.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 18/11/2024 11:18

If you have kids, yeah, Christmas should be for them, but it is also for everyone.

Christmas being for kids means adults who love them spending time and a bit of fuss on them. That's not a burden, it's a joy.

It means not doing things like hoofing kids into long car journeys when they've just opened their presents because two sets of grandparents MUST be seen on the day and WON'T travel to them. Etc.

I say this as an adult who went to Lapland by herself and had a whale of a time - if there are kids in the picture, you do Christmas to their schedule.

HarrietBond · 18/11/2024 11:19

I know there is always a lot on here about intergenerational tensions at Christmas, and I think we’ve all had irritations flare up at times, but for a lot of families it is the one time that there are big family gatherings and they can bring a lot of joy too.

I regularly go carol singing at local residential homes and there is something incredibly moving about seeing elderly people, especially those with dementia, connect with music they’ve been familiar with all their lives. Christmas is a touchpoint.

Amyknows · 18/11/2024 11:20

It's for the Kids BUT not for GP who think that children need to be carted from house to house because it revolves around them. In that case I think kids needs and wants come first, nothing stopping Gp's going ahead and still celebrating it.

Objectionhearsayspeculation · 18/11/2024 12:49

We work really hard in the run up to Yule and Xmas. It's a time to snug up under blankets, light candles and eat lots of food! We have cut back since Covid to just us 4 as I'm disabledand thing have changed. Now a) we simply can't afford to do the full house of 12-16 people who all have different dietary needs and none lift a finger or contribute anything and b) I physically can't cook for a week solid.
My dc have said how much they love it now, not on "show", choose our own food preferences, cut back on presents and able to just relax and be ourselves.

Shejustkonws · 18/11/2024 12:53

Needanewname42 · 18/11/2024 07:09

I think there is a grey area in there. It's fine for kids up to Uni age to look for sacks of stuff or big ticket items, but once they get to mid 20s earning full-time money it all becomes a bit daft.

Why? I'm nearly 60, I have 20 year old dc's, and my dad is 90 and we still go full out buying presents for each other! We love it 😀

InThePinkScarf · 18/11/2024 12:56

I hate that as well.
It's for everyone, not just the kids.

Meadowfinch · 18/11/2024 12:56

Christmas is for everyone in my house.

We all get extra time off, lie-ins, we all get presents, special food & drink, family outings, seeing friends, a change from the routine.

I love it. 😊

BiddyPop · 18/11/2024 13:32

When there are children involved, it is important that they are involved and considered and that the day is not solely about drinking alcohol and having grown up conversations.

But it is not JUST for the kids either. Everyone should enjoy it. Kids don't get to rule the roost and dictate everything. There should be proper food (it doesn't have to be a traditional roast turkey but celebration food to eat together). Adults can sit and enjoy adult conversation at least some of the time. There should be presents for everyone - not an overwhelming pile for DCs and nothing for adults. There should be a mix of entertainment to suit all - so sometimes there will be traditional carols because DGM loves those, sometimes cheesy Christmas hits of the past for DCs to dance to, and sometimes teens can have some of their music just not at deafening volumes.

People at work should each have a fair chance to get time off - not just parents of young DCs but those with older parents, adult DCs, no extended family - if they want time off. And those with young DCs should not guilt trip those who get leave days to change them at short notice.

Parents can take a night out for themselves leaving DCs with babysitters. Not just the work nights they have to go to.

Christmas is a midwinter festival at a time when people generally need some downtime and renewal, quite apart from the religious celebration.

So no, Christmas is not "just for the kids" in any way shape or form. And I say that as an adult child and sibling, a parent, an aunt, a godparent, a working mum, a manager and a person in my own right. Even when dc was small, it was never "just" for them - some years, our family arrangements had to be juggled around their (and others') needs, but as part of that bigger picture.

BiddyPop · 18/11/2024 13:37

My DGM still got me a present the year I was 35, before she became unwell and passed away when I was 36. My DPs still get me presents every year. And my adult DSiblings. My DM was getting presents until she was 63 from her DM.

And I get presents for them.

It's part of showing our appreciation for each other. It's not about asking for sacks of things - but receiving something bought with love - with graciousness and thanks.

And shows younger family members that it is not all about them but that everyone is remembered and part of the family. And modelling how to think of someone else. And how to thank people for their thoughtfulness.

Havalona · 18/11/2024 13:39

Each to their own, and it is for everyone to do what they enjoy most whatever that may be. No rules for anyone is my motto! I'm on the side that it's mainly for kids though.

We do it our way and have done for a number of years now. Away to the sun for three weeks and we have a fab Grinch non-Christmas. Bliss on legs. I enjoy FaceTime on the day with extended family from my sunbed while adjusting my sunglasses.

LifeD1lemma · 18/11/2024 13:48

BiddyPop · 18/11/2024 13:37

My DGM still got me a present the year I was 35, before she became unwell and passed away when I was 36. My DPs still get me presents every year. And my adult DSiblings. My DM was getting presents until she was 63 from her DM.

And I get presents for them.

It's part of showing our appreciation for each other. It's not about asking for sacks of things - but receiving something bought with love - with graciousness and thanks.

And shows younger family members that it is not all about them but that everyone is remembered and part of the family. And modelling how to think of someone else. And how to thank people for their thoughtfulness.

Yes of course - nothing wrong with exchanging presents with loved ones. That is not what I was talking about.

I am talking about the people who do “ask for sacks of things”. It’s the adults who expect a sackful of multiple presents/high value gifts from their parents as if they still think these presents are being provided by Santa, when they are working full time and earning. Most of my colleagues seem to be in this position with their adult children which seems crazy to me.

BashfulClam · 18/11/2024 15:15

I don’t have children but I do have family. This will probably be the last Christmas my mum is at home as her dementia is advancing at an alarming rate. So some people would think I shouldn’t have the time off? While she still has glimmers of almost lucidity she’ll have a Christmas! We always love Christmas whilst my dad had to sit gnashing his teeth and trying to ruin it.

I always end up hosting due to many factors so me and My husband have our own Christmas #2. It’s usually the weekend after Christmas. We buy sale gifts as you just get ripped off before Christmas. Buck’s Fizz in bed, a lot of sex, a long walk (weather permitting) eating rubbish and watching telly together. That is an adult Christmas to me.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 18/11/2024 15:26

Christmas is a family event.
Presents are for kids, Adults shouldn't exchange much more than token gifts.

Why?! There is no 'should' about it. If adults want to give each other proper presents, why on earth shouldn't they?

Christmas is for everyone. Festivals (religious or otherwise) have always been celebrated by the people, not just children. I don't understand why celebration, feasting, enjoyment and marking the changing of the seasons would exclude adults. What an odd idea!

HarrietBond · 18/11/2024 15:31

DH and I exchange ’proper presents’ as we are both bad at buying things for ourselves so it’s an opportunity to treat each other. We buy token gifts for parents and they for us, and other than that, there’s no adult gift giving. But I would expect I’ll continue to buy ‘proper presents’ for the kids as they get older unless it’s economically unviable.

ByHardyRubyEagle · 18/11/2024 15:33

I don’t agree with the concept, otherwise why do people without children celebrate it?? I have a child, but I don’t make the house nicely decorated and cook nice food only for his benefit!

zingally · 18/11/2024 15:50

Christmas is for everyone. I think it just takes on a different meaning as you get older.

As a child, it's all about the magic. Father Christmas and presents. I'm 40 and still get a bit of a lump in my throat whenever I see a well-done Father Christmas out and about somewhere.

As an older teen, I personally found Christmas a bit shit. Never got quite what I wanted and it was spent with the same people I saw every day anyway (we never did the big extended family Christmas like you see on tv).

From mid-20s onwards, it became special again. The nostalgia, the gift giving, spending time with the people I love, and just having a nice relaxing time!

I'm a primary school teacher, and the build up to Christmas in school is always such a lovely time.

Needanewname42 · 20/11/2024 08:56

Shejustkonws · 18/11/2024 12:53

Why? I'm nearly 60, I have 20 year old dc's, and my dad is 90 and we still go full out buying presents for each other! We love it 😀

What on earth do you buy a 60 or 90 something, beyond token consumables sweets, bottle of booze?

It just becomes hard trying to come up with ideas.