To feel very harassed by Health Visitor, refusing to give managers email address

[mangobearpop]

I am feeling very harassed by a HV despite expressing to her several times I want to Opt Out.

She has called me numerous times now to ask for my email address to send some info over, I must of given it to her about 3 times now just to get her of my case.

She text me on Tuesday to ask again for my email address and claimed she was sending me emails but they were not going through?

After weeks of going back and forth over my email address the emails finally came through on Friday.
She wants to call me in 4 months time to see how I am getting on.

I feel very harassed by this woman and when I ask for the managers email address she refuses to give it to me.

I have contacted PALS - no response.

Does anybody have any idea who else I could contact to withdraw my consent and to Opt Out as I feel so harassed by the unwanted contact.
There are no safeguarding concerns as she told me that "I am doing well".

When I call the office number the receptionist refuses to give the managers email address out.

People who arw determined to opt out of health visiting services raise all kinds of red flags and rightly so.
Ultimately the entire point of the service is to monitor the general health and development of your child and anyone so fixated on opting out of it has issues.
Yes some health visitors can be a bit irritating but you just ignore them, its very easy to hardly see them - in fact the easiest way to get them off your back is to engage with them!

People who want to opt out of having a Health Visitor shouldn't be raising red flags unless there have already been other issues flagged previously. It is perfectly OK not to want to go with the system.

I opted out years ago, when it was unheard of and quite an issue to do so. I'd looked forward to having a Health Visitor as a support as it was my first baby and I was quite a new and nervous young mother with loads of questions. But the Health Visitor had an odd attitude, every question I asked she didn't answer but suggested something else instead, made me feel like a shit parent when actually I was doing absolutely fine. I came to fear and dread her visits and decided I just didn't want the hassle of dealing with her.

I discovered that no, you do not have to have a Health Visitor, it is a choice and you can opt out. I wrote letters to the local GP service and to the health authority stating quite clearly that I no longer required her services, that I wanted all Health Visitor visits to cease as per my right, and that I would not be answering the door to any such caller. I also stated that if they wished to check the progress of my baby or had any parenting concerns they could make a formal appointment via the surgery which of course we would comply with - I didn't want them to think I was a dodgy parent!

It worked, although they did try to offer me a change of HV before giving up. I think, rather than requesting opt outs and manager's email addresses, stop asking and just tell them firmly what is going to happen. Good luck.

Again for the non-Uker's . Is a HV ( health visitor) kind of your version of a child health centre?
Ours , you take the baby to the centre. They organise groups of mothers ( whoever is keen ) that are born in the same month to meet up at the centre for 6 weeks then you all just keep meeting up together.
They also weigh bub when you visit and check out any concerns with feeding etc. Is that what you mean?

I'm still friends with a couple of mums from ny 30yo's mums group!

No nothing as useful as that!

They come around to your house when your baby is about 2 weeks and tell you not to co sleep with them and shrug their shoulders when you ask for feeding advice but tell you breast is best. They may or may not remember to bring scales.

They fill out ages and stages questionnaires at certain points to measure your child's development. They often don't know what they are testing for beyond the tick box and tick no if the child won't demonstrate the skill to an abrupt stranger on demand. Nothing really happens with the information and they have no specific advice, only refer you to paediatrics if child scores abysmally low across multiple domains.

They generally just spout the information off the health service website and have no idea of why the advice is that way, the evidence or benefits or risks. Or worse, they spout their own rigid ideas about sleep training or spoiling children (!).

If you asked for advice they generally tell you to look at NHS website or ask your GP.

Meanwhile, back in the real world…..

All Health Visitors are qualified registered nurses. Some Health Visitors are also qualified midwives. Health Visitors complete rigorous training and a degree. Most are also now nurse prescribers. Training includes all aspects of child health, family health, maternal health/maternal mental health, safeguarding, domestic abuse, drug/alcohol abuse, healthy lifestyles and healthy eating.

Health Visitors are paid at Band six, equivalent to a senior ward sister.

Oh that doesn't sound good. Can you try pretnding you aren't home? How annoying. My house is a tip at the best of times but with a 2 week old I'd run away before letting anyone in the door!

By the way, am I allowed to opt out of the 12 month and 24 month health reviews? Are they HV-related too?

I felt very uncomfortable with my HV and went to the health centre and requested to be seen by someone else.

The next time I was seen was when DS was 12 months old and the lady in question was a Nursery Nurse. She was very judgemental and seemed ignorant - when my DS said 'boova' and pointed at the lights on the ceiling, I said that he comes up with his own words for things at the moment, rather than saying real words. It seemed obvious to me that it was a pre-verbal phase inlanguage development. She had a serious look on her face and said, 'oh no, do you correct him when he says that? You don't want him growing up not knowing the right words.'

WTH?

So I'm actually dreading DS's 24 month health review and wondered if I can opt out of it?

I'm always surprised when people say they're having problems opting out. When I was a HV I would have been delighted to have one less family on my caseload!

It was quite straightforward, as long as there were no safeguarding concerns, we just had to record the opt out in child health record and inform the GP.

Parents were told they could change their mind at any time.

Health visitors here work for the UHB not the council.

It would be strange for a HV to harass someone IMO unless they are repeatedly trying to contact you because they have concerns.

Yep. Absolutely. I opted out, with difficulty, 30 years ago.

Almost. Health Visitors are nurses or midwives who do a year-long post grad course. Band 6 is specialist nurse or deputy ward sister level. Senior aka the ward sister is band 7.

@mamechange I had a baby not a bub. My issue with the hv service was that they appeared to view all mothers as part of the lowest common denominator, pretty much the sort of women who have bubs and hubbies and have their nails done. Not as mature, well educated, professional women.

It was excruciating.

How ridiculous to have to engage with an 'irritating' service you don't want, just in order to not raise red flags and in order get them off your back!

As nanny state as it is, just pretend to go along with their check boxes. Don’t set off any red flags for them. They see this avoidant behaviour and it’s going to set them off.

Work with the woman, pretend to play along. Trust me, I know they can be a nightmare but there’s no way to fight the system here. They have it all tied up.

Am amazed that people feel so harassed.
I had very little HV input.

After the newborn phase There were 2 main checks - at 8 months and 2 years. Only the 2 year check was cancelled due the service being too stretched.

After the nhs punished me for having a C-section, I thankfully got a normal HV. She was the only normal ethical medical person during the whole pregnancy. You seem to have got one that’s OTT, be careful with those people. They will use your child against you, play along.

Yeah same, I mean it was COVID times but we didn't see the HV until my child was 2.5, they just didn't do the other checks.

@HousefulofIkea the only red flag I was determined to raise was the inco.petwnce of the hv service and the enormous amount society spends on incompetent box ticking.

Pray how can someone be an expert about growth and development when they think the 50th centile represents the average. The whole shebang is laughable.

I don’t understand why people opt out because a health visitor made them feel uncomfortable? You’re choosing to miss important developmental reviews for your child because someone offended you?

Sounds like u r giving off safeguarding vibes.

Our sons HV didn’t have the intelligence to understand that some toddlers need hearing aids. She also thought he wasn’t talking because he was talking urdu, she was unable to comprehend that different languages exist. In what way do you think someone that stupid could be of any use to anyone?

I would attend the health reviews at 1 year and 2 years just to check development is in line with expectations.

If I had had any concerns about my child's development, and I read all the guidance, I'd have had them referred to a clinically experienced paediatrician. Not a nurse with a post grad who didn't listen and couldn’t answer questions.