To not attempt potty training with 3yo again?

[Blueowlnight]

We tried to potty train our (then) 2yr8mo old over summer. She got poos very quickly, but had multiple wee accidents a day, would always dribble wee before going to the potty, and sometimes would sit in wet knickers without telling anyone. We persisted for 3 months, tried rewards, lots of praise, really tried to keep pressure off, let her choose the knickers, tried to tell her to try (she is incredibly head strong though, so this never worked). Even
our childminder said she’s never seen it take so long. Her fluid intake is rubbish (again, tried so many things), which might affect it. Otherwise, we and her childminder all sort of thought she just didn’t care enough about it. In the end I asked her if she wanted to wear knickers and she said no and we went back to nappies at 2yr 11mo

that was 2mo ago and I can’t face it again until she shows she wants to. She still poos in her potty but shows no interest in wees. There’s a lot of shade being thrown at “lazy parents” not training by reception age, so I’m so stressed she’s not going to get it in time.

AIBU to have not persisted?

I’d park it until the spring. Much easier to potty train if you can

• be out in the garden more
• wear fewer/easier clothes
• dry any wet stuff outside

Both of my children were 3 and a half by the time they were ready. I had tried several times from age 2 and a half onwards and it was a disaster every time. I know 3 and a half is quite old and most children I know were trained younger however when they were finally ready they just did it so there was no potty training required really. They told me when they were ready and they just did it and never had accidents.

Is she going to school in Sept ie will be a very young starter? Or is she not 4 until next september? Either way totally normal to not be quite ready at just 3, I'd understand your worries if you have an August baby with time pressure on your mind.

I think you need to find a way to increase fluids when you do decide to try again- ice lollies?

Does she need to be dry by September 2025 for pre school/school?

If so that's your deadline and you can't give up

If she’s going to school or pre school in September she will be expected to be potty trained. I would try again in January and then keep trying again and again until September

The fact she will do poos on the potty is brilliant, for DS and amongst other parents I know we all struggled to get them to do poos even when they'd cracked wees. You have time, for now I'd make sure the potty is accessible and lots of praise for wees on the potty and no big deal for wees elsewhere. If you think it could be related to her isishes with intake then could a medical professional advise?

I've only potty trained one child so I'm not going to xlaim to be an expert but I just waited initially until they were asking to use the toilet and were telling me they needed to go. Then as pp suggested, did it in summer when they could go naked and I could get them on potty quickly.

I have 6 month old now and will not be attempting any sort of training until they are showing the same signs and I don't really care what age that is at.

Take a step back and ignore the noise from other opinions. Every child is different and this doesn't need to be stressful.

This is essentially word for word what’s happening with my DC currently, from the cracking the poos but not a clue on wee and everything! We’re now back in pull ups and intend to try again in the spring when they’ll be 3.5 and it’ll hopefully be a more successful process!

Try again in the early spring, unless she shows signs of being ready before. After a few stressful attempts I realised my DD just wasn't ready so left it until she was 3.5, but once she was cracked it within about 3 days. People will bang on about potty training their kids when they were 18 months and how parents are lazy now but just ignore them.

Please don't send an incontinent child to reception. It is no-one's responsibility except yours, to toilet train.

It's about control and understanding what it means to need a wee. I would be concerned that she isn't drinking because she's worried maybe about going to the loo?

I'd leave it for the winter unless you have to.

My DS was a little younger than your DD but by no means as young as others. Once he was clean and dry that was it, day and night. Your DD might be the same. She will get there.

It doesn't say she was planning to? The child isn't even three so plenty of time.

Luckily for my daughter who refused to poo in the toilet until she was at least five her school was understanding!

When does she start reception? If it’s not next September then you have loads of time.

Start with have her announce change mymy nappy pants,get her to help(pull ups) wash your hands.
It's a process .

I’d potty train her now rather than leaving it any longer.

I tried PT when my daughter was around the same age and we got nowhere fast, ended up parking it for another 5 or 6 months or so and tried again, at which point DD took to it almost instantly.
I truly believe that every child is ready in their own time and it's better to take the lead from your child.

We still kept a nappy for overnights for a couple more months until I forgot to buy nappies one night and had no way of getting any. I just had to chance it and she was dry all night, same next night dry, and the next one..... so that was that.

No more nappies from 3 and a half years old. I know some kids that are potty trained by 2/2.5 in the daytime but still in nappies at night till much older, so although daytimes she was behind some kids, nighttimes she was ahead of some kids. It levels out.

Just like all other milestones, kids have their own timeline.

Your experience sounded very similar to mine with my younger DS. I tried potty-training him at 2y5m. It went well but then he regressed. I tried again at 2y8m but he wasn't ready. His nursery told me that they couldn't send him to the pre-school room if he wasn't trained by 3. So we tried again at 2y11m (with nursery support) and he cracked it in 5 days. At one point, I was worried that it wouldn't happen.

The child is just three ,nobodyvisxtalking about sending an incontinent child to reception 🙄
Sometimes it just takes a bit longer ,my oldest was 3 years 2 months before he was reliably dry.

Have you tried not using the potty and using the toilet?
My dd hated the potty so we had a childs toilet seat and a step, lots of encouragement "look at you, such a big girl using the toilet just like mummy does"
I'd take her upstairs at regular intervals and try to make it fun by letting her pull her own toilet paper off, wash her own hands etc.
I feel for you, you've given me a reminder of how difficult it was.

A lot of people honestly don't know how to potty train. It takes a really boring week or two of hovering over them, having a potty in every room, staying at home because they need to have a bare bottom until they are getting it. You need to give her plenty to drink. Not least because if she isn't drinking enough she may well be constipated and its near impossible to potty train a constipated child.

Loads of people do it by halves. They want it to be fast and easy, they don't want there to be any accidents. They rush to put pants on because they want to go out/have friends over, or don't take time off work and expect nursery to do it (doesn't work well - too many kids per adults for a nursery worker to keep a close enough eye/whisk them to the potty if they are wriggling etc).

Toddlers are used to just weeing whenever they want with little warning. They don't want to stop what they are doing so initially you have to carry the potty round with you to make it easy for them to wee wherever they are.

People will bang on about potty training their kids when they were 18 months and how parents are lazy now but just ignore them.

I don't think anyone thinks modern parents are lazy, but they are time poor. Its much harder to potty train when you are both working full time.

It’s one of those things that you really see the payback for both financially and physically as a child in nappies is much more expensive and much more tiring to care for. Myself after 5 children I’d say the earlier the better.

Op says she's not planning on doing it again, so how is she not talking about exactly that?

What, ever? Come on, you know the OP wasn't saying that.

She's looking for support after finding it really tough and says she 'can't face it again' but she's worried her child won't get it in time for reception. She obviously wants to PT her child.

Your original reply was unnecessarily judgy and unhelpful. Haven't you got any advice you can share with her?