To think he is lying about his mother dying ?

[BeAzureNewt]

I have been dating this guy and a few weeks ago he said his mother is very ill and he had to go away to care for her.
He sent me a photo of her in the hospital while being away when I asked how his mother was doing and that reassured me he is not lying. (I didn't ask for reassurance he sent it when I asked how his mother was doing ).he comes back and we end up at my house have sex and we talked for a couple of hours.
He said he lives with his cousin and that he was texting him to go give him the keys as he was locked out,he showed me the texts between them.
We don't live far from each other so he said he was going to come back.
I was waiting for him to come back and I text him ,the text was only with one tick on whatassap so I call him and his phone was shut down.
I check Facebook and his profile picture and cover photo were gone but we were still friends ,his tiktok account deleted.
I panicked and though he was mad at me because I Insinuated to him that maybe the cousin needing keys was just an excuse to not spend the night.
I sent him a text saying sorry if I offended you but shutting down your phone and keeping me hanging is not OK so all the best I am done.
He texts this morning saying his mother died so I offered my condolences.
Why would he shut down the phone if his mum died ?wouldn't he need it open to talk to relatives ?
I am thinking he might be lying but saying mother died is too much of a lie ,he could come up with smth better.
Am I overthinking this?
Part of me says he shut down the phone cause he might be married and was afraid I was gone call him like I did.

You don’t trust him. There’s not much point carrying on with the relationship if you are nitpicking every comment because you think he is lying. either find someone you trust or someone who is a better liar.

I'd leave the guy alone, you texted him to say you're done, whatever has happened this is not a good start to any relationship.

People only say things like “I’m not lying” if they’re lying. People who tell the truth don’t think to say these things at all. Deleting things on social media also doesn’t scream trustworthy. If I were to take a guess, I’d say he might be married. Either way, block him and move on, and congratulate yourself on dodging a bullet.

@viques I have big trust issues from a past relationship but this all does seem strange and very coincidental.
I find it hard to believe sb would tell such a lie but I have this anxiety in me saying otherwise.

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine
He didn't say he is not lying I sort of accused him of maybe using this as an excuse.he showed me the texts between the cousin but he might have put him to it to seem more trustworthy.On facebook it was only his profile picture and cover photo gone which I don't know why.

You’ve only been dating him for a short while and already you are turning into a secret squirrel. Leave the bloke be.

You're getting involved and having sex with men before you've really found out anything about them, and I don't think that's helping your anxiety. If I was your friend I'd suggest you have counselling to explore how you feel about relationships.

The relationship isn’t going anywhere.

Either he’s lying, and obviously you don’t want anything to do with him, or he’s telling the truth and is going through hell and you’re harassing him and nitpicking whilst he’s in the throes of grief. I don’t think it’s that unusual to want to disappear on socials/avoid all outside contact in the immediate aftermath of grief.

you both sound like hard work at a very early stage of the relationship.
you say you have "trust issues" - do you think you're ready for another relationship?

@Stillplodding
I didn't harras him ,all I knew was that he said he was coming back and he then shuts down his phone.
When he said his mother died I offered my condolences and told him I am here for him if he needs me and nothing more.
Would never say to him I think you are lying in the case I am the one with the problem not him cause I have big trust issues all the time.

Well, deaths are a matter of public record so you could always google. However, the fact that you think he’s lying means he’s not the one for you. Throw this one back.

@ThinWomansBrain

Maybe not really but I liked this guy and though I was.I met someone 7 months ago that said very elaborate lies to me and even though this new guy talks to me all the time about his family and his problems,invited me to his house ,talks on the phone while at home , I still have a fear of being played again or him being married.

I offered my condolences and told him I am here for him if he needs me and nothing more.

Well you have offered, so nothing more to be done. He will contact you if he wants to.

If you don't believe him, block him and move on. What else do you want to do? You have no way of knowing if he is telling the truth but you are clearly worried about it.

Move on or get tangled up in drama and paranoia. Up to you what you'd rather do.

It does sound like he is lying but even if he’s not he is unreliable and you don’t feel like you can trust him.

I still have a fear of being played again or him being married.

What you are fearing is not that someone will hurt you again. It's that you don't believe you'll be OK if/when they do.

We will never, ever be able to control what someone says or does to us.
But we can absolutely control how we act towards it and how well we look after ourselves.

Actually look after yourself, know your limits. Get out if it's too much trouble. Move on when you need to.

Texting him to ask if you have offended him and apologising in case you have, shows insecurities and perhaps a little bit of codependency.

If you do want to keep seeing him, make a plan for yourself.

Ask yourself what you will do if you find out he is lying or you can't get to thr bottom of if he is lying or not?
Will you agonise over it for weeks/months? Will you allow him to lie and try to move on? Will you wallow and blame yourself?
Or will you know how and when to get out quickly and move on?

Taking pics of a sick woman alone would have me block him..

You broke up with him. Leave it now. You don't sound ready to date anyone right now.

The only thing I can't understand about this story is the Facebook and TikTok.
Why would he delete his FB cover photos and his entire TikTok?
Why did you think he'd done this because of you?

To me it looks like either his mother has just died, in which case your attitude was truly horrible, or he's married and his wife's got suspicious. But you've been to his house, which he shares with his cousin?

I mean, you dumped the guy so it's all over now, surely. But I still don't get the SM deletions

I'd take a break from any relationship for a while. It sounds like you're still in the place where you're seeing possible legitimate actions as a lie. This isn't healthy for you - or the person you're with.
It can take a while to realise not everyone is lying about everything, especially if you've been in a long term relationship that made you question your reality as you found out you were being lied to for most of it - I know because I've been there.
Take care.

If the man's mother has really died, then your behaviour is awful. When my mum died, the last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone for a while and I turned my phone off and didn't answer the landline for a day or so. Not everyone is welded to their phones 24 hours a day. You've not known him long, and he would probably be much more comfortable sharing his grief with someone who is closer to him.

That's not his problem. He hasn't done anything wrong. He can turn his phone off whenever he wants. Not everyone is attached to it and perhaps he wanted time to say goodbye privately. You've laid a lot on him at a terrible time in his life. You've said you're done. So thats it, don't be one of those women who say it to garner a response and to make him fight from you. Get over your trust issues and then look for someone.

@Growlybear83
I didn't know his mother had died all I knew was the he was coming back and then I couldn't reach him.
When he said his mother died I offered tobe there if he needs me and left it at that.

@Kneebonefuture I said I am done before he told me his mum died not after .In my mind he played me as he knew i was already doubting him not really coming back.I could not foresee the reason behind his diapearance was his mum dying.

If you for even one second think he is capable of pretending his mum died then you should split.
Why send a photo of her in the hospital? Did she ask him to send it? You don't even know her. So it sounds like he's trying too hard to be convincing.
But either way, you didn't believe him about the cousin, you don't believe him about his mum. You suspect he's got a wife.
Time to say goodbye.

@BobbyBiscuits
I never ask for anything photos and so ,he sends them himself.
Like if he working late and he is meeting me he sends a photo of his work and so on.
I am not sure why ,could be he was in a relationship before where ther were trust issues or he wants to be convincing cause he knows he is lying.