What do you do when your heart is shattered

[Toffeelady6]

Hi

Just posting as need someone to talk to as don't want to talk to loved ones.

My Mum is in heart failure and is fading away day by day. She is my world.

I'm engaged, no children. One cat.

I suffer from depression and I'm going through a bad spell.

I wish I was dead. I feel like I'm going through life living for other people and I'm biding my time until my mum goes and I can kill myself.

My partner doesn't really understand me and neither do my wider family, only my parents.

I don't know what to do. Living life is physically painful, I just feel dead inside.

I'm sorry about your mum op, that must be very hard.
Are you getting any support from GP for your depression?

Just be. Everything is hurting right now so literally just focus on being. Each second at a time is an achievement. Take care.

Please know that people care and don't want you to suffer alone. The number for The Samaritans is 116 123 - please think about giving them a call to talk through some of your thoughts. It might take a little bit of power out of them. I'm so sorry about your mum ❤️

You need help OP . Please go to see your GP and explain to them about how you are feeling.
They will help you . Wishing you all the best .

Plenty of people here and happy to listen, OP.

I'm so sorry about your mum.

There are many things you can do that can help with depression. It seems all consuming, I know, but there are many ways through.

I am 110% certain your Mum wouldn't want you to feel like this and would you get immediate help. Call the Samaritans, call you GP. Live on for your Mum. Get by doing it minute by minute, day by day, one foot in front of another.

I'm so sorry you're going through a distressing time. Do you live close to your mum? She would not want you to come to any harm. Please reach out for help. There are online counselling services. You might find something on YouTube to help you with anticipatory grief.

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/talkabout/articles/what-is-anticipatory-grief/271278

Maybe go over to mumsnet bereavement forum -

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement

Spend as much time as you want with your Mum and take care of you. Seek help from NHS talking therapies, Mind or Samritans. They will be there for you. See your GP as soon as possible. One day at a time. Sending you lots of love ❤️

Hi OP. I have experienced the yawning abyss of sadness that surrounds you when a loved one is in decline and I am sending you big hugs. Please tell someone in real life and get help for yourself, life is a journey of ups and downs and although this may feel like the biggest down, your mum would want you to recover and experience happiness again. Although it is terrible to see a parent decline, it would be far worse for that parent to see you in decline, and I comfort myself that - heartbreaking though it is watching a parent slip away - it is in fact the natural order of things, unless they are very unlucky. I have my own children now and I know for sure that I would be devastated if anything happened to them, and I would want them to embrace life, with anll of its ups and downs after I'm gone. Please take care of yourself. I’m sorry there is nothing we can say that will make the pain less, but we are here with you, and many have walked the path before back to happiness. You can too. With love x

So sorry about your mam.

You can talk to us x

Evening. We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP. We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our www.mumsnet.com/i/mental-health-webguide page. Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

I'm sorry to hear about your mother and her illness.
I agree with previous posters, spend as much time with her as you can.

Can you try to talk to your partner again about your feelings?

Can you and your other parent support each other?

I'm so sorry for the incredibly horrendous pain you are feeling...
Spend as much time with your mum as you can. And your dad. You all need each other right now.
Take it day by day.
Loss, and preparing for loss, is the most painful thing we can ever experience...
I truly hope you make it through.

This ⬆️
please call them & make an appt with GP to discuss meds/therapy to help you through this awful stage. Sending you a hand hold. 💐

I'm so sorry about your mum! I know how hard it is to lose a parent. Please get help from your GP and keep posting here, as well as RL friends and family.

We often feel misunderstood when we're depressed and grieving. Please don't make any rash decisions while you're suffering.

One thing that helped me with grief when my dad died was to imagine my pain as a big round red ball in a small square box. At first the ball touches all the sides of the box but gradually it starts to shrink until it only touches the sides occasionally. When the ball does touch the box, the pain is excruciating but the ball continues to shrink until it rarely touches... grief becomes bearable.

Hey OP, I'm sending hugs and love and comfort your way.

I know you feel really low right now. Would you let me share ways that my experience is similar to yours?

My Dad had ongoing health problems.
I'm single, no children, maybe a rabbit soon.
I experience depression in cycles.

My Dad died (suddenly, because a stroke, but not unexpectedly, because long term ill health) almost exactly five years ago.

When I heard he had died I collapsed.
In the days that followed I went through despair, anger (furious at a family member), disbelief, depression. I started drinking again.

People told me that I wouldn't feel like this forever. I found it very hard to believe them. But this depth of darkness did pass. Friends made me laugh, in time.
Hope came back, in time.
I learned what "normal" looks like now, in time.

You feel unbelievably wretched right now, and I don't want to disregard that. But I do want to say: "I know what that is like, and it doesn’t always last forever."

Please do seek help from one of the many links posted here.
Much love to you.

Thank you all very much for your kind words.

I try talking to my partner but he really doesn't understand or want to listen when I'm having a bad day. He trys to make me laugh but that's it.

My sister just acts irritated with me when I try to speak to her about my mental health. She is highly strung and just wants to talk for 2 minutes on the phone, so it's not really the right time to bring up how I'm feeling.

I've been my GP. He's increased my antidepressants already.

I can’t begin to imagine how awful you feel about your mum, but I’d be willing to bet she’d be devastated if she knew you felt like this. Depression is an illness that tricks you into believing that you’d be better off dead. It’s not the truth.

It sounds like your sister and your fiancé aren’t equipped to be able to help you and that is going to make you feel unsupported. I don’t think you are; I’m sure they both love you very much and wish they could magically make you feel better, but they aren’t going to be able to do that. It’s not because they don’t care, but they don’t know what to say. You need someone who isn’t going to potentially make you feel worse, like a mental health nurse at your GP surgery and/or the Samaritans. I think you should go back to your gp and tell him what you’ve told us.

Have you tried talking to a counsellor, OP?

Cruse may be able to support:

www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/

Hi @Toffeelady6

Was very moved by your post. I lost a younger relative to whom I was very close, 3 years ago. This is going to sound a bit mad, but for a long while after he’d died, I didn’t fully believe he’d died. I thought about him constantly ( of course) and derived comfort from feeling that by thinking about him, I was ‘keeping him alive’. That is what I said to myself, and I talked to him and touched the things that he had touched. Even now, little things happen and I treat them as a wave or a message from him. I know this is all completely irrational but grief and mourning are sometimes beyond rationality . I think you will find a way to keep your Mum with you even after her physical body has reached the end of her journey. The pain is so intense right now, I know, but very, very gradually it will ease. Keep posting on here and reach out for help. Cruse really know their stuff about bereavement in my experience. Take care of you x

Sometimes, your DP and Dsis aren't the best people to talk to

Do you have friends who could support you? Or seek therapy?

Or, for some people it helps to accept that Yes this is shit and will remain shit for a long time, but know that, eventually, it will start to hurt a bit less