Mil issue?

[Firsttimedad1989]

Hi new dad and new poster here , I saw a post last week I think it was and it was very similar problem to what I have but I never got a chance to see the results and I think it went offline.

I have an issue with my mil and it drives me mad!

Our daughter is 3months old for context

My mil is constantly saying “nana” to our baby I mean constantly!! So much so that I have started counting.. I know it’s sad but I thought I was going insane as my wife didn’t hear it. In a 4 hour visit it was said way over the 100 times! Probably closer to 150! Its nearly every other word! It’s very irritating and I find it really inappropriate.

we say “mummy” “daddy” as all parents do.. but a tiny fraction compared to my MIL. I’m finding I’m having to say mumma and dadda way more than what feels comfortable because of it.

I personally feel she’s doing it to get one of her first words to be nana, i would be upset if nana comes before mumma.

My mil is quite interfering and she’s often said she sees our daughter as her child. when she does come over or we visit her she does seem to take over and almost mother her. I do feel quite self conscious as she doesn’t take her eyes off our daughter and wants to grab her at any possible moment. Which is annoying.

I know it sounds silly but the way my mil says “nana” is completely unnatural, it’s only said to drum that word into my daughter, she will say 3/4 times in a row.. that isn’t normal to say.

A i being unreasonable?

As in am I being unreasonable to ask my mil to ease up on saying nana

Sounds really annoying, it would do my head in!

better if your wife speaks to her mother about this, I think, but YANBU.

Most babies make the dada sound first, regardless of whether that’s a word they’re heard or that exists in their language, it’s how speech develops.

It drives me mad. The way it’s said as well in a really annoying baby voice

Honestly I’d just lightheartedly say dada dada dada all the time OR join in with the nana nana naaaanaaaa

making fun is a non tense way to communicate how annoying she is…

she sounds bloody annoying though

She's massively over stepping but does your wife mind? I don't think you can really raise it too much if she doesn't. My now ex MIL did this with Gran or Gaga and my daughter ended up calling her Nin (no idea why) id be repeating Mama or Dada while baby looks at you a lot until the first words come out but I'm petty 😂 and it does work.
Eventually this will just be another mad thing she did but I can see why it's annoying you.

Why have you done another thread about your mil?

Unfortunately my wife won’t talk to her about it because she doesn’t want to upset her,

im aware it won’t be her first word but could be her second third. I wouid just be upset if she’s close to sounding “m” and my mil interpreting it as an “n” sounding word and repeats nana instead of mumma, if that makes sense

She is overstepping the mark and passive aggressively being dominating and controlling. You’re very vulnerable as a new parent and it doesn’t help when grandparents make it all about themselves.
She probably has never been put in her place by your partner/wife. Speak to her and share your concerns. Tell her how much it is irritating you and can she have a word with her mum.
Don’t worry though, you’re still mum and dad and the most important people to your baby.
Nanna needs some boundaries and she needs to learn some respect.

I have tried bringing it up in a jokey manner, she just said “but I want her know who I am”

I think you’re dealing with a bit of a narcissist here, she’s making it all about me, me, moi.
Honestly, kids are not stupid. As they get a bit older they start to see things for what they are and the desperation and fakery of this woman will become obvious.
Just enjoy being a Dad as much as you can. If it helps, I think most grandparents step back a bit after the early baby stage once they realise that the parents have got this. She’ll soon realise that she’s surplus to requirements.

Argh how self flatulating! Agree with @P1550FF 👆 ... The fair thing would be to have a tactful word ...then you can be satisfied you've given her a chance to change her behaviour. Unfortunately some relatives have a narcissistic tendency to think the baby is their right and exists to fill some sort of emotional or egotistical hole. On the other hand it's early days and perhaps the novelty will wear off...as soon as baby starts being patient zero for illnesses, it's surprising how effective it is for warding off interfering relatives!

"MiL don't keep saying nana to DD because I'm worried it will be her first word. Yeah, I know if I'd done my research I'd know how unlikely that would be given they almost all start with something we take to mean dada or baba because that's how speech develops, but y"know I don't wanna take the risk"...?

<gasp> But I want her to know who I am!!!
Dadadadada 🤪🤪🤪

and so it continues with you just continuing to highlight how stupid it is until she eventually packs it in

if she tells you to stop laugh jovially and say you’ll stop when she does!

I wish people would actually learn what narcissism means before spraying it all round MN. 🙄

👆Helpful 😐

she's a grandparent and has love hearts in her eyes. YABU. dont take this away from her.

It sounds annoying but as wife not bothered and would rather avoid topic I would follow her lead.

Save any discussions you need to have about her being ott for bigger issues. Be secure in the fact that no matter when she says nana it doesnt show any preference over mama or dada.

I don’t understand why this would only matter if his wife was annoyed? HE’s annoyed. Surely that’s just as important, as they are both the baby’s parents??

She's probably doing it to wind you up OP.

And I want to know what self flatulating is 🤔🤣 @Kaleidoscopic101 I spat a mouthful of full fat coke all over the sofa when I read that. <Goes and gets the upholstery cleaner.>

Because it’s her mother. And, frankly, it’s a ridiculous thing to get annoyed about.

There. Learned. You're welcome.

Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an excessive preoccupation with oneself, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Individuals with high levels of narcissism often have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and may exhibit arrogant, manipulative, or selfish behaviors. In its extreme form, it can be classified as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in clinical psychology.

Oh but MIL she will absolutely know who you are from your warm cuddles and your soothing hand on her face. No need to make noise. Hush now.

This whole thread is ridiculous!

Mil is being annoying, not a narcissist. I'd be annoyed someone saying a word over and over.

yabu op. A baby's first sounds are dada, baba, mama, nana. You're being over sensitive. Go get some sleep.

I think you need to decide whether this behaviour is typical of a wider pattern of boundary crossing behaviours. If it is I don't think you're being unreasonable. At any rate, you certainly can't help the way you feel.