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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To try and find some good teens books that don't push the LGBTQ agenda?

430 replies

Lifeofthepartay · 16/11/2024 13:27

Trying to get some books for my daughter who is in S1, books are either too young or they all have a blurb that alludes to the main character's sexual preferences. Would love it if anyone could recommend something your pre-teens, or young teens are reading that don't include those topics? They already get enough information about it in school and the internet.

OP posts:
GiddyRobin · 16/11/2024 23:07

mathanxiety · 16/11/2024 23:01

lack of access to books and media showing same sex relationships can be very oppressive. We're lucky to live in a world where homophobia is a hate crime.

And it's not a crime to avoid books we don't want to read, or genres that don't interest us.

Or should I say not yet anyway.

And how do we know the child doesn't want to? We don't. Her mother has decided that for her.

Gogogo12345 · 16/11/2024 23:17

TofuTart · 16/11/2024 20:00

You clearly didn't read Judy Blume's Forever.
Or would that book be seen as OK?

I'm not sure I'd have wanted my DDs to read Forever at 11 tbh

mathanxiety · 16/11/2024 23:28

GiddyRobin · 16/11/2024 22:50

Who on earth said the OP's daughter was reading YA? I certainly didn't read YA, I read classics. That's not a brag, that's just what was available and I enjoyed. And it was taught in school. Hence my pointing you towards Jane Eyre.

So you don't believe a tween should read Wuthering Heights? Of Mice and Men? Macbeth? Harry Potter? Lord of the Rings? They all involve relationships.

You're speaking about this as though we're discussing adult readers. We aren't. As a child, I was encouraged to read anything I could get my hands on (as long as it wasn't sexually explicit!). This child hasn't even had a chance to make up her own mind what she wants to read.

Like I said earlier. If she can watch a Disney film with Belle and Prince Adam, or Harry kissing Cho, why can't she read a book with the same thing but between two same sex characters? She isn't deciding that. Her mother is. This is normal life. Pretending it doesn't exist does nothing to help her - whether she is gay/bi or straight.

And, has been stated many times, lack of access to books and media showing same sex relationships can be very oppressive. We're lucky to live in a world where homophobia is a hate crime.

The OP has said nothing about her child liking Disney dreck.
She has said that her child cringes at romance/kissing.
You have no reason to assume the OP has allowed Disney movies.

Jane Eyre and other classics are taught in school to older teens, aged 14-15-16. This is because a great many younger readers don't have an interest or the vocabulary or the understanding of social nuances in the historical context to really understand such novels. A great many teens of 16 don't either.

Al the books and the play you mention involve relationships. So do the works of Beatrice Potter. Relationships are not the central theme of each one all the same. In some, relationships feature prominently, but from an emotional rather than a purely sexual pov, and importantly for a young, heterosexual girl, some are narrated from the pov of the female protagonist. In some, relationships are just assumed. In some, they're a secondary or tertiary theme. Relationships are a key part of the human experience. They are common to us all. They can be platonic and they frequently are - people generally have more friends than lovers. And people can be asexual... What you saw in those books may have been just heterosexual relationships or relationships in general, but others may have been fascinated by social class, the theme of conscience or evil, the fantasy and escapism, conflict between specific characters, the plot and the exciting conclusion. Some slogged through all of the literature you mentioned in school, while wishing they could be reading novels about war or 15th century Japan or Hell's Angels or biographies of the kings and queens of Denmark.

The inclusion of explicitly sexual themes or themes relating to sexuality, sexual identity, or gender identity are new to literature aimed at teens, which is what the OP asked about. As a pp remarked, these things come in waves. Nobody is obliged to hop aboard the latest bandwagon.

TempestTost · 16/11/2024 23:28

Lifeofthepartay · 16/11/2024 16:41

She was reading wimpy kid a few years back, at around 8 so too young for her now, same for Lottie brooks, I feel like she has t really found her genre, in shows she likes misery, but more real life not fantasy. My boy is the same and I feel like I am going to struggle as he is 8 and reading 9-12 year old books, she is also oddly specific about the titles he likes, a lot of factual/science but funny books

Possibilities - The Penderwicks, Meet the Austins, Matilda, Jacob Have I Loved, The Borrowers, Holes, My Side of the Mountian, Julie of the Wolves, Gregor the Overlander?

mathanxiety · 16/11/2024 23:37

As a child, I was encouraged to read anything I could get my hands on (as long as it wasn't sexually explicit!). This child hasn't even had a chance to make up her own mind what she wants to read.

And the OP wants to make a choice about general reading material her child reads just as your parents made a choice. She has the right as a parent to do this.

She has said very clearly that her child has preferences in what she reads (real life genre), and doesn't like romance, and reads a lot.

The child has very likely had a chance to make up her own mind what she wants to read. What is available to her is probably the sort of material I see in bookshops and libraries, which other posters have mentioned too - exploration of sexuality and gender identity that usually do not feature heterosexual, cisgender tweens or teens.

She is allowed to reject that sort of reading material and have her own preference. Her mother is allowed to help her find alternatives to the trendy material available.

GiddyRobin · 16/11/2024 23:43

mathanxiety · 16/11/2024 23:37

As a child, I was encouraged to read anything I could get my hands on (as long as it wasn't sexually explicit!). This child hasn't even had a chance to make up her own mind what she wants to read.

And the OP wants to make a choice about general reading material her child reads just as your parents made a choice. She has the right as a parent to do this.

She has said very clearly that her child has preferences in what she reads (real life genre), and doesn't like romance, and reads a lot.

The child has very likely had a chance to make up her own mind what she wants to read. What is available to her is probably the sort of material I see in bookshops and libraries, which other posters have mentioned too - exploration of sexuality and gender identity that usually do not feature heterosexual, cisgender tweens or teens.

She is allowed to reject that sort of reading material and have her own preference. Her mother is allowed to help her find alternatives to the trendy material available.

Replying all in one, because you seem to have a habit of sending multiple posts and that's frankly irritating.

That is one of the deepest digging posts I've read for a while, but alright.

So, they're all about relationships. Most books are. Why does it matter if, amidst the many books about heterosexual relationships she reads, she reads a a few from a same sex POV? I also feel like you're skewing this. Why can't you have a book written from a gay female character's POV? Surely that would be compelling. Exploring relationships via girl hood.

You're just making lists of genres and plots. It's not backing up your point. I could do that, but that'd get pretty boring.

My point is, in a non explicit book, what's wrong with a gay main character? Who might have a crush on another woman? Or another man? These things will come up time and again in most books she reads, if she's not reading classics. It might be gentle but it'll be there because if she is reading YA, those are the topics.

And how odd. I was taught all of those books in school before 13. My DS is 8 and currently working on a project for school about a "light" version of Macbeth.

And again, if OP's child hasn't explored romantic relationships in books yet, that's fine. The issue here is that OP didn't come and post "none romance books please", she wanted specifically none LGBT books. And you know that.

By preventing those topics even in an innocent way, you know full well the insinuation. She's trying to curtail topics; her tone and language say it all.

So I think we're probably done, because I honestly have no interest arguing with someone who will beat a dead horse just to be right rather than explore an actual argument.

TofuTart · 16/11/2024 23:44

I'm so glad I was allowed to grow up being able to choose my own books, and read what I like without my parents trying to censor or ban books from me as "they're not suitable."
It's definitely shaped and nurtured my love of reading.

GiddyRobin · 16/11/2024 23:46

TofuTart · 16/11/2024 23:44

I'm so glad I was allowed to grow up being able to choose my own books, and read what I like without my parents trying to censor or ban books from me as "they're not suitable."
It's definitely shaped and nurtured my love of reading.

Yep. Imagine having eyes over your shoulder while you look at a library shelf. No wonder the poor girl cringes and says she doesn't like romance. She's probably mortified.

TofuTart · 16/11/2024 23:47

Sorry, as an aside in the 80s when I was a kid, we wouldn't have been having this dilemma as Section 28 would have put paid to me reading or learning about anything gay or lesbian anyway.
Seems some on this thread probably wistfully think of those "good old days".

NavyOrca · 16/11/2024 23:48

It’s not an “agenda”. You are homophobic and transphobic. End of.

izimbra · 17/11/2024 00:09

mathanxiety · 16/11/2024 23:28

The OP has said nothing about her child liking Disney dreck.
She has said that her child cringes at romance/kissing.
You have no reason to assume the OP has allowed Disney movies.

Jane Eyre and other classics are taught in school to older teens, aged 14-15-16. This is because a great many younger readers don't have an interest or the vocabulary or the understanding of social nuances in the historical context to really understand such novels. A great many teens of 16 don't either.

Al the books and the play you mention involve relationships. So do the works of Beatrice Potter. Relationships are not the central theme of each one all the same. In some, relationships feature prominently, but from an emotional rather than a purely sexual pov, and importantly for a young, heterosexual girl, some are narrated from the pov of the female protagonist. In some, relationships are just assumed. In some, they're a secondary or tertiary theme. Relationships are a key part of the human experience. They are common to us all. They can be platonic and they frequently are - people generally have more friends than lovers. And people can be asexual... What you saw in those books may have been just heterosexual relationships or relationships in general, but others may have been fascinated by social class, the theme of conscience or evil, the fantasy and escapism, conflict between specific characters, the plot and the exciting conclusion. Some slogged through all of the literature you mentioned in school, while wishing they could be reading novels about war or 15th century Japan or Hell's Angels or biographies of the kings and queens of Denmark.

The inclusion of explicitly sexual themes or themes relating to sexuality, sexual identity, or gender identity are new to literature aimed at teens, which is what the OP asked about. As a pp remarked, these things come in waves. Nobody is obliged to hop aboard the latest bandwagon.

"The inclusion of explicitly sexual themes or themes relating to sexuality, sexual identity, or gender identity are new to literature aimed at teens, which is what the OP asked about. As a pp remarked, these things come in waves. Nobody is obliged to hop aboard the latest bandwagon."

If by 'new' you mean 'the past 50 years', because 'Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret' was published in 1970, and was criticised and repeatedly banned for discussing sexual topics.

Young adult fiction which many bright kids at KS3 are reading, often explores issues around developing sexuality, because it's interesting to young people going through adolescence.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 17/11/2024 00:18

Are you there God it’s me Margaret was our go to for learning about periods, bras, puberty, friendships, differences between families such as faith…I don’t actually remember anything about sex or sexuality so if if was in there it certainly wasn’t the main focus.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 17/11/2024 00:19

GiddyRobin · 16/11/2024 22:58

This whole thread is calling the nastiest, most twisted and vicious pps.

I don't even see the point in posting tbh, it's all just goady bollocks. Doubt anyone would say any of these things face to face with any LGBTQ person. With the exception of one person who I do think has the emotional range to go and reconsider, so that's a reason to try on occasion if the fucks are high enough.

But, it's a reminder they're still out there. And a good remembrance of why we need to keep talking. Maybe write and publish a few more of those dangerous, scary books.

How someone can genuinely post that you can't tell characters are gay without them having sex is just beyond me

"Oh no those scary gays are in my book"

What year are we in again?

TofuTart · 17/11/2024 00:20

Twoshoesnewshoes · 17/11/2024 00:18

Are you there God it’s me Margaret was our go to for learning about periods, bras, puberty, friendships, differences between families such as faith…I don’t actually remember anything about sex or sexuality so if if was in there it certainly wasn’t the main focus.

What about the other Judy Blume book I mentioned upthread? Forever?
You can't say that wasn't based on sex or sexuality.
It was filth. Pure FILTH 😁 which is why we liked it 🤣

Needmorelego · 17/11/2024 00:26

@Twoshoesnewshoes yes Margaret is about "Bras and Periods" as a classmate described it to one of our (male) teachers when we were about 12. Not really about Sexuality.
There are sexual references in some of Judy Blume's other books - for example Deenie mentions masturbation. But the plot is actually about scoliosis - not sexuality.
Obviously Forever is very sexual but it was always clear that it's for older readers 😁.
Although I re read Forever a few years back and there is a subplot about one of the male friends thinking he might be gay but that had completely gone over my head in the 100s of times I read and re-read the book as a teen. It's actually the only Judy Blume book that I don't really like and I think hasn't dated well compared to some of her others.

GiddyRobin · 17/11/2024 00:26

MartinCrieffsLemon · 17/11/2024 00:19

How someone can genuinely post that you can't tell characters are gay without them having sex is just beyond me

"Oh no those scary gays are in my book"

What year are we in again?

Yep. It's just a bloody bore tbh, I sometimes actually forget these opinions still exist and didn't die out in 2006 when I was battling it all, as all LGBT teens do. And that was with access to books.

I think this is why it bores me. You spend your whole life arguing the same topics, and they never end. And then someone crawls out of a drainpipe and tries to tell you what homophobia is or isn't.

Fucking yawn. If it wasn't for the young people who I know do find these kind of threads, because I did myself, I wouldn't bloody bother. Need a cuppa and some chocolate now!

MartinCrieffsLemon · 17/11/2024 00:26

Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging was one of the big things when I was around that age. Tell me that was explicitly about relationships

GiddyRobin · 17/11/2024 00:28

MartinCrieffsLemon · 17/11/2024 00:26

Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging was one of the big things when I was around that age. Tell me that was explicitly about relationships

I remember the librarian giving me filthy looks when I got this! 😆 I loved it! Ate through them and cackled. Brilliantly written.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 17/11/2024 00:33

Here's a thought too:

Maybe daughter cringes when relationships appear on screen because they are straight relationships and she already recognises she isn't but her mother's attitude is obvious to her and she finds it hard to watch because she knows she isn't "normal"

Maybe it's because she's asexual (oh gosh, sorry this is MN so that doesn't exist) and they make her feel "abnormal" again

Maybe she just doesn't like seeing relationships on screen.

Whatever it is, take her to the library or book shop and let her find her own books.

GiddyRobin · 17/11/2024 00:41

MartinCrieffsLemon · 17/11/2024 00:33

Here's a thought too:

Maybe daughter cringes when relationships appear on screen because they are straight relationships and she already recognises she isn't but her mother's attitude is obvious to her and she finds it hard to watch because she knows she isn't "normal"

Maybe it's because she's asexual (oh gosh, sorry this is MN so that doesn't exist) and they make her feel "abnormal" again

Maybe she just doesn't like seeing relationships on screen.

Whatever it is, take her to the library or book shop and let her find her own books.

👏 👏 👏

My ex was gay and in the closet until around...5 years ago? He was much older than me, so I think he's late 40s now.

Anyway, he called one night with no one to talk to, I was married and not seen him in years. It all came out. Mum and dad didn't talk about it, it was mocked in school, nothing on the telly apart from stuff that had insinuations of it being either wrong or funny.

His Mum died and he immediately came out. She'd been in his head for absolutely years.

I know myself that there are certain people in my family who won't even watch a romantic scene as an adult with their grown kids. The messages this sort of thing sends are huge. I'd never have told my Aunt I was bi. She'd have had a great big Irish Catholic heart attack. I remember the agony of watching Pride & Prejudice in her house! She wouldn't even say the word "gay", she'd mutter it.

If I'd grown up in her house, the library would have been my only escape. If she'd chosen my books? I'd have been miserable. If she'd asked me what I liked? I'd have lied.

TofuTart · 17/11/2024 01:01

Obviously Forever is very sexual but it was always clear that it's for older readers

Think I was around 12/13 when I read it. Was 😳😁

TempestTost · 17/11/2024 01:11

MartinCrieffsLemon · 17/11/2024 00:33

Here's a thought too:

Maybe daughter cringes when relationships appear on screen because they are straight relationships and she already recognises she isn't but her mother's attitude is obvious to her and she finds it hard to watch because she knows she isn't "normal"

Maybe it's because she's asexual (oh gosh, sorry this is MN so that doesn't exist) and they make her feel "abnormal" again

Maybe she just doesn't like seeing relationships on screen.

Whatever it is, take her to the library or book shop and let her find her own books.

Large numbers of 11 year olds aren't interested in sex or boys yet, not because they are asexual, but because they are 11.

It's good for them to have books pitched to their stage of life.

It's a bit of a funny age, because YA stuff is sooo focused on sex and relationships (even an asexual focus is about something different than presexual) whereas books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid are going to be too young.

There's a definite stage that comes bewtween those two for many readers.

GiddyRobin · 17/11/2024 01:15

TempestTost · 17/11/2024 01:11

Large numbers of 11 year olds aren't interested in sex or boys yet, not because they are asexual, but because they are 11.

It's good for them to have books pitched to their stage of life.

It's a bit of a funny age, because YA stuff is sooo focused on sex and relationships (even an asexual focus is about something different than presexual) whereas books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid are going to be too young.

There's a definite stage that comes bewtween those two for many readers.

I think His Dark Materials touches on that nicely. It does have romance, and if I remember there's a steamy scene towards the end of the trilogy? But it's a fantasy, and it's so cleverly done in terms of talking about love and relationships.

When I was in school, everyone was a bit boy/girl mad at that age. I and about 8 other girls had started periods, etc. This is why those books are important. But also why LGBT books are, too! You get the typical boy/girl tales in lots of them but it's important to have representation at such a pivotal time.

Needmorelego · 17/11/2024 01:19

@TofuTart well yes ......of course we all read Forever at 12 😂😂

TempestTost · 17/11/2024 01:25

GiddyRobin · 17/11/2024 01:15

I think His Dark Materials touches on that nicely. It does have romance, and if I remember there's a steamy scene towards the end of the trilogy? But it's a fantasy, and it's so cleverly done in terms of talking about love and relationships.

When I was in school, everyone was a bit boy/girl mad at that age. I and about 8 other girls had started periods, etc. This is why those books are important. But also why LGBT books are, too! You get the typical boy/girl tales in lots of them but it's important to have representation at such a pivotal time.

A lot of people felt that series went a little sideways with that sexual material - and some even felt that it was inappropriate given the ages of the kids involved. Nothing to do with them being anti-sex, just anti-sexualization of quite young kids in a book for kids.

Some 11 year olds are boy mad, but quite a lot aren't, and may be uninterested or even made to feel inadequate because there is so much pressure now around their sexual identities. Many 11 year old girls also find men, and the idea of sex, really rather scary, and are working at thinking about and developing in other areas of their personality or life.

YA publishing is very fixated on identity, including sexual identity, at the moment, and it means that newer books that don't get into those areas can be harder to find because they aren't being published.

Gregor the Overlander is a good exception to that though. There is maybe a sense that relationships are something for the future, but not really anything to be worried about as a tween, which is where a lot of kids that age are mentally.

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