To hate socialising ?

[MuppetLady]

I don't know if it's age (42) or tiredness, or what, but i really resent it. I didn't mind it so much in 20s. Whether it's a work social (i do like my colleagues), visiting family/friends house and having big lunches, or going to theatre or dinner or drinks just with the girls - i am not interested. I am so relieved if anything is cancelled.

People/DH always say "it'd be fine once you get there" and it is tolerable and i do have a laugh but i am. So. Drained. afterwards. Like ive been putting on an act to listen and crack jokes. I am not depressed, i just like being alone in PJs watching a film with the kids, and eating my own shitty concoction of leftover food. I hate dressing up. I don't appreciate food Or get the obsession with it. I have always been rather slight and underweight so take iron supplements but don't think i have fatigue etc (although i do get very tired at end of monthly cycle)

My question is, do i really need to socialise? Will i lose everyone as i age because i don't bother keeping in touch and doing things? I love chatting to friends on phone but no one seems to like to do that anymore.

I like human interaction - I genuinely care, and enjoy listening to and chatting. I think one pp described her dad in a similar fashion. I make small talk with strangers and will help anyone in need, but quite happy to be alone too.

Dh and I also joke around a lot and get on well with kids. When my daughter has friends I sometimes join in their bedroom chats. At family gatherings I'm talking or playing with younger kids (that's probably to escape politics or boring adult "how successful and sociable we are having so many cool holidays and experiences" chat) I am bit childish i guess.

At the same time i am the introvert stereotype of being solitary and private, I don't think i am as dependent on external validation or social interaction as many. I sometimes watch my whatsapp chats blow up in amusement of the phaff of organising something - MuppetLady always goes with the flow, wherever and whenever others want to meet.

Agree thanks

To the question about if we never went out and did anything.. i think the quality of the chat can still be exactly the same. It's not like you spend hours critically reviewing a show, or critiquing the food - that's probably 10 seconds. It is just the mode/setting. People talk about their lives, their values, their feelings, not just what they did.

I don't think i am as dependent on external validation or social interaction as many. I sometimes watch my whatsapp chats blow up in amusement of the phaff of organising something

Lol there it is. A whole thread, all to humble brag about how you're not like other girls/people 🙄

There's probably to some extent juggling parenthood, pre teens, work, etc is tiring as it is - and if i find going out too much, i should just go ahead and drop those stuff . It's not even FOMO, it's in my own head what being a friend means. If those friendships are lost over time, so be it, we want different things out of a maintained relationship anyway.

Middle age friendships are so much harder than when in school!!!

you got me! It was all just to prove my superiority over the masses! Have a good day.

I love it when my kids have their friends over but I hate having my friends over. Children are so less judgmental, they just want to spend time together and eat snacks! I find that adults have such high expectations, things have to be so much fancier, food or booze have to be provided! I try and get around it with an impromptu invite for a cup of tea when parents pick up. Low pressure socialising is so much better.

I think there is something about making sure your kids don't miss out ...my mother didn't socialise very much at all and I think that made it harder for me to be out and about and understand about friends. She was a single mum.

I agree. I sometimes see threads on here from posters who are so intoverted that they don't allow their DC to have friends round to play.

I strongly feel that if the thought of having other children in your house terrifies you then perhaps you shouldn't have children.

100%. Most kids have no expectations, very easy with food and are just so happy to be with each other. And sometimes at pickup all parents have a good hour long natter, kids begging their mum not to leave etc. Everyone is happy.

Bit of a symptom of modern society (or maybe where i live) everything has to be pre arranged in advance and perfect. Growing up in 80s abroad meant from pre teen age my friends will just ask me or a couple of us to go home together after school. We'd raid their snacks or bake something, joined in their family dinner, and their mum would call my mum when she got home from work (on the landline no less) to ask her to come pick me up. My mum was very unsociable but i was quite social. I also chatted to my girlfriends (remember 3 way dialing lol) for hours on the phone as a teenager after school, lying on the kitchen floor (no mobiles or cordless phone). Until my dad would pick up another phone and ask us all to go to bed.

I meant early 90s. But same difference.

I see socialising as akin to exercising - not my favourite thing to do, but important to stay healthy. Especially in old age. It's OK to be selective though. Elderly people with no friends who who have lost their social skills have a tough time of it, and it's usually their kids who bear that brunt. Would you be ok with that?

Yeah I'm ok with that. But, can't elderly people not try and make new friends? Is everyone so stuck in only with their friends from 50 years ago? People change all the time. Old people are great, they are usually authentic and won't compromise their values just to fit in social groups.

I don't and won't rely on my kids for all social interactions. In a way i know i only have another decade or so of them before they fly my nest and do their thing so i want to prioritise them for now.

great analogy. I have become those annoying healthy people whom i once swore never to become in my 20s - i exercise and drink very little. Thinking of going teetotal since i feel good. Socialising to me is similar to exercise in that it is a pleasurable pain.

Or should i say, painful pleasure?

Good points! Still one I'm trying to figure out myself.

I’ve found my socialising has shifted a bit in terms of what I enjoy. I like the odd big night but I also do two chatty runs a week with different people and I like a coffee/ lunch of an hour or so. But yeah, my social battery runs down much quicker these days. I do wonder if some of it is just evolutionary- like when you’re young there’s a benefit to being v sociable as more likely to mix up the gene pool a bit by getting out of your village and meeting a mate, but once you’re middle aged and slower on your feet it’s safer to stick close to home in case there are wolves 🤣