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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New workmate smells awful

111 replies

newfluffybag · 15/11/2024 20:40

I have name changed for this. We work in a small office. A new person has started and she smells awful. It is a mixture of sweat and unclean clothes. She is only young, in her 30s. She looks fine but the scent is really bad and gets worse the more the day goes on. We don't share an office but I can smell her when I pass by her office and if she comes into my office she leaves a lingering smell. Most of us have noticed. I have mentioned to the boss but nothing has been done. No HR department. Another problem is that I have migraines which are sometimes triggered by scent. This happened a couple of weeks ago, minutes after she wafted past me I got a migraine. What can we do?

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 15/11/2024 20:42

Buy her a basket of hygiene goodies for Christmas?

Sportacus17 · 15/11/2024 20:43

I have mentioned to the boss but nothing has been done

mention it again. Multiple people. In private.

MidLifeWoman · 15/11/2024 20:46

As unpleasant as it is, your boss needs to step up and have a conversation with your colleague.

bifurCAT · 15/11/2024 20:48

What realistically can be done? It could be that she's really hard up at the moment and can't wash her clothes properly, or has bad ventilation problems at her place... how could a manager help with that?

I don't know, just thinking out loud.

rockingbird · 15/11/2024 20:50

I once worked with someone who smelt absolutely disgusting. A fishy damp odour that got worse as the week went on.. honestly that's all I remember of her - frigging vile. Me and many others mentioned it over time.. then one day she suddenly vanished 🤷🏼‍♀️

FlutePlayer · 15/11/2024 20:50
John Witherspoon Fart GIF

Squirt some febreze around in her presence

another1bitestheduck · 15/11/2024 21:15

MidLifeWoman · 15/11/2024 20:46

As unpleasant as it is, your boss needs to step up and have a conversation with your colleague.

this. the whole point of a manager is to manage. if you mention something it could be taken as bullying.

It might be she can't help it - there are some diseases that make you smell bad, but usually it's a very specific odour e.g. fish - if it smells like sweat and unclean clothes it probably is that, and could be that she doesn't notice it herself, if her whole house is similar. If she's in full time employment she should be able to afford to wash daily (even if 'just' a strip wash or a very quick shower), and buy a cheap dryer and some freshener.

RickiRaccoon · 15/11/2024 21:20

Normally a manager or HR would have to tell the employee that the smell is affecting their and others' work. I don't think it's anyone else's place and might be construed as bullying, depending how it's done. Approach your boss again with specific ways in which it's affecting your work. Others might have to as well. Be careful talking to others that it's discussed in a professional manner to deal with the problem as it affects your ability to work.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 15/11/2024 21:23

HR or a sympathetic woman from another part of the organisation, in a more senior position, would be the best person to speak to her, especially if her boss is man. There are ways of approaching the problem sympathetically and supportively. She may be ill without even realising if the smell is strange and strong.

KimberleyClark · 15/11/2024 21:30

rockingbird · 15/11/2024 20:50

I once worked with someone who smelt absolutely disgusting. A fishy damp odour that got worse as the week went on.. honestly that's all I remember of her - frigging vile. Me and many others mentioned it over time.. then one day she suddenly vanished 🤷🏼‍♀️

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/trimethylaminuria/

nhs.uk

Trimethylaminuria ('fish odour syndrome')

Read more about trimethylaminuria which is an uncommon genetic disorder that causes a strong body odour, usually described as like rotting fish, poo or rubbish.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/trimethylaminuria

5475878237NC · 15/11/2024 21:34

I have worked with many menopausal women whose previous long-standing method of antiperspirant/deodorant etc no longer works due to hormonal changes. Your manager should gently suggest she see her GP.

Redshoeblueshoe · 15/11/2024 21:36

OK so how would you like it to be dealt with if it was you that smelt ? HR no. A quiet very private conversation, much better.

BB78910 · 15/11/2024 21:36

bifurCAT · 15/11/2024 20:48

What realistically can be done? It could be that she's really hard up at the moment and can't wash her clothes properly, or has bad ventilation problems at her place... how could a manager help with that?

I don't know, just thinking out loud.

It can still be addressed and feedback should be provided. Not in a nasty insensitive way but more of a 'not sure if you noticed' by a manager. It's an uncomfortable conversation sometimes but has to be had

Photodilemmas · 15/11/2024 21:51

I've had to do this more than once. I've always just done it privately but very frankly- "I'm sorry to have to do this but we've had many complaints about your personal hygiene and specifically a smell, I do not say this to upset you but I wanted to check you're ok, is there anything we can do to help? Do you need anything from us?" And that has led to 'oh I did not realise/i go to the gym before work/I don't have time to shower/I only bathe once a week' etc etc etc and then I've had to add "ok I appreciate you being so honest and sharing that with me, is this routine something you could change? It's important we're all comfortable at work and are fresh and ready to deal with our clients so we do need to address this moving forward' and then it's been fine. Or they leave which is also fine. But it is a managers job - you need to be frank with the manager 'it's them or me, this person is triggering migraines so I will inevitably be off sick more often which will effect the business too - this does need taking seriously' etc.

Curlybrunette · 15/11/2024 21:53

I manage a team and earlier this year had to tell someone that she smelled. It was the worse thing I've ever had to do as a manager.

The back story was that she'd worked in the team for about 2 years and pretty much always smelled. I wasn't her manager initially but the one at the time didn't want to upset her.

She smelled so bad (sweat), from when she came in in the morning. You knew if she'd been in a room as it would smell for ages afterwards.

When I became manager I didn't initially tackle it either for fear of upsetting her but eventually I realised it wasn't fair to my team (and a sign of me being a poor leader) if I didn't handle difficult situations. People would very regularly come to me complaining about how bad she smelled.

I took her into my office when everyone else was leaving (so not near by) and said I knew this would be an uncomfortable conversation but that she had a body odour.

She was so shocked and upset. I initially was mortified but I actually found once I'd started the conversation it got easier.

She said she bathed twice a day and wore fresh clothes everyday (we wear a uniform so get changed into clean uniform provided for us when we get to work).

I asked if she was ok and needed any support, she said no.

Later that night she emailed me and said she was really surprised and upset about the conversation, that no one had ever told her that before. She finished the email by saying she would like me to give her an update in 2 weeks time about whether it was better.

From the next shift she no longer smelled, and that was a few months ago. When I spoke to her at the 2 week mark she said she had done absolutely nothing different. She clearly had as she no longer smells.

I still cringe thinking how embarrassing the whole situation was, I am pretty sure she hates me now...

StormingNorman · 15/11/2024 21:55

The most diplomatic way to get rid of the sweet scent is a company-wide ban on wearing fragrances. Some places do this.

Unclean clothes is more difficult and their manager needs to raise personal hygiene with them. I’ve had to do this and there is no easy way to do it.

Hankunamatata · 15/11/2024 21:55

A manager needs to have a chat with her if no HR.

Spraying crap about or giving hygiene products can be seen as bullying.

Serene135 · 15/11/2024 22:00

You need to think about how you would want to be informed if it was you. Would you like to be approached by a manager or HR? I do wonder if a discreet, anonymous, kind note would be better here. That way the issue is drawn to her attention but she is not forced to have an uncomfortable conversation with another person about it. She is probably not aware and I do think that this might be the kindest way to tackle the issue. If it was me I would prefer a kind discreet note.

Tiredofallthis101 · 15/11/2024 22:02

Gentle frank conversation is the best way. Like when someone is wearing a white pair of trousers and you gently need to let them know you can see everything- 'just wanted to let you know in case you weren't aware that you seem to be producing a bit of body odour which is noticeable- sorry I don't mean to embarrass you but I'd want to know if it was me.' Etc. And if that doesn't fix it then manager needs to have a more serious word.

Tiredofallthis101 · 15/11/2024 22:04

Serene135 · 15/11/2024 22:00

You need to think about how you would want to be informed if it was you. Would you like to be approached by a manager or HR? I do wonder if a discreet, anonymous, kind note would be better here. That way the issue is drawn to her attention but she is not forced to have an uncomfortable conversation with another person about it. She is probably not aware and I do think that this might be the kindest way to tackle the issue. If it was me I would prefer a kind discreet note.

I would hate a note! You'd be wondering who wrote it, you wouldn't be able to ask questions of them. I can't stand all those passive aggressive notes people leave instead of just having a conversation- not saying that's what you're suggesting here but I would feel like this was in that category if it was me. But everyone's different I guess.

Lavender14 · 15/11/2024 22:04

I would also speak to your manager- nobody wants to see a colleague put in a difficult situation or embarrassed or upset, but it's also not fair to other staff and the manager should have the skills to deal with it sensitively. I had a friend who this was an issue for and in the end up one of her housemates who she was closer to took her aside and it turned out she had been wearing body spray instead of anti-perspirant and didn't understand the difference and since then it's been a massive improvement.

Obviously that was a simple fix but ultimately your manager also has a duty of care to their employees - if she's homeless, being abused, in poverty, struggling with mental health etc there is an onus on a manager to check in and offer support from the company to help that person sustain employment. So it should be addressed from a place of compassion as well as trying to resolve it for the rest of the team.

Another thing that you could try which we do in our workplace is to have a little basket of toiletries in the bathrooms so if any staff member is caught short for something they will have a deodorant/ dry shampoo/ soap/ spare toothbrushes and paste/ pads and tampons and a sewing kit or plasters.

Patienceinshortsupply · 15/11/2024 22:11

The only way is open and direct. Preferably at the end of the day.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 15/11/2024 22:14

Serene135 · 15/11/2024 22:00

You need to think about how you would want to be informed if it was you. Would you like to be approached by a manager or HR? I do wonder if a discreet, anonymous, kind note would be better here. That way the issue is drawn to her attention but she is not forced to have an uncomfortable conversation with another person about it. She is probably not aware and I do think that this might be the kindest way to tackle the issue. If it was me I would prefer a kind discreet note.

I don't think I would like to get an anonymous note because I'd keep wondering who wrote it and who knew about it. I'd prefer someone from HR to a direct colleague because it would be more impersonal than somebody I saw every day and they would (hopefully) be more experienced in tricky conversations, and therefore more possible to ask for advice if necessary.

girlofsandwich · 15/11/2024 22:29

Definitely needs an empathetic approach from a manager, bearing in mind not keeping on top of basic hygiene is a sign of something bigger going on. I'd approach my manager and say I'm concerned about her and the fact it may isolate her from other colleagues. Poor woman, it's a horrible conversation to have but hopefully will make things easier for her and everyone in the long run.

potatocakesinprogress · 15/11/2024 22:32

Regardless of anything to do with her, it sounds like it would be worth talking to HR about getting an air purifier so your migraines aren't triggered (since they could be from any number of things by the sounds of it), they're recommended in offices since covid anyway. Or you could get your own small one, they're not that expensive.

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