New workmate smells awful

[newfluffybag]

I have name changed for this. We work in a small office. A new person has started and she smells awful. It is a mixture of sweat and unclean clothes. She is only young, in her 30s. She looks fine but the scent is really bad and gets worse the more the day goes on. We don't share an office but I can smell her when I pass by her office and if she comes into my office she leaves a lingering smell. Most of us have noticed. I have mentioned to the boss but nothing has been done. No HR department. Another problem is that I have migraines which are sometimes triggered by scent. This happened a couple of weeks ago, minutes after she wafted past me I got a migraine. What can we do?

Reading with interest. I have a new-ish underboss who stinks. It's not every day and we also have hybrid but she smells like she's not really washing herself or her clothes often or properly. It's an open-plan office and I'm not too close to her seat but the room has a smell when she's been in for a day. It's not easy.

We house shared with someone with a BO problem. The way it got sorted was DP at the time (now DH) got drunk and told him. He showered frequently enough but never washed his clothes, hence the smell. He genuinely didn't seem to realise the necessity to do so. It got better after that really awkward conversation.

Two posters have suggested a woman should take the malodorous colleague aside!

My mum, in the 1950s, was told by her male boss to tell a female office junior that they had bad BO. My mum was really annoyed with has boss and thought it was his job but had to bite her tongue and do it. She still remembers the awkward conversation with the junior woman, even now all these decades later.

I thought that by 2024 that the idea that a woman she do this extremely tricky task would be long gone by 2024! I'm a bit shocked.

Be open and honest. Honesty is always the best policy. Definitely do not give her a passive aggressive hygiene basket 🙄

Uh oh, time for...

@Curlybrunette I can't imagine the embarrassment of having to tell an employee that they smell bad.

It would be such an embarrassing thing to be told as well.

There used to be a middle aged woman when I was in my 20's who smelled incredibly strongly- in a grocery shop we visited.

You could smell her before seeing her- she was a really nice person, so no one ever wanted to say anything- it went on for years- until one day she just stopped smelling.

So someone must have said something.

Some people don't have a sense of smell.

A woman I met in a park said she had no sense of smell after catching Covid- I shoved a bag of Sprats {dog treats} into her hands and said ''can you smell those?'' and she could not!

Dried Sprats are extremely fishy and reeky- so she really was telling the truth.

She held the bag right up to her nose as well.

No- that's really awful. I'd rather someone tell me I stink than that!

I bet it's cheap clothes made of awful material that the sweat gets absolute stuck in. When I was younger and had less money I had a few primark items like that - the smell never washes out.

Your manager does need to say something though

My DH had had this in the past. His way of dealing with it was to say, “you fucking stink, mate!” and give them a deodorant. It worked.

It’s probably her clothes.
Some of them can be washed but the smell stays.

I would definitely try some hints first and then get more honest.

She’s new and this is going to be mortifying for her and so if you can tell her without saying it directly then that would be better.

I work with an autistic man who doesn’t get hints though and we’re at the point of someone having to say it bluntly but we’re reluctant because he has a lot of things going on right now and this might push him over the edge.

I would initially find out her background in a nice way.
If she’s a single parent with kids, then it may be a cost thing etc.
She could be living in temporary accommodation and can’t do any more than she is right now.

Being blunt to someone who cannot do any more, is not going to help the situation.

I wasn’t taught how to do laundry etc as my mum has MH issues so our clothes were rarely washed.
I moved out as a teen single parent and had to try and learn things as I went along.
I still struggle with the basics and what I don’t know, I don’t know I don’t know.

I thought that by me showering and washing my clothes on a quick wash it would be enough but then a few years ago I read on here about BO smells sticking to clothes.
I started washing on a longer wash (when I could afford it) and had to get rid of a couple of tops too.

If someone told me I smell, I would just wash myself, clothes and wear deodorant.
It wouldn’t get to the route of the problem and just cause embarrassment.

Whereas if you put out some hints then it may actually work better.

E.g. Just having a conversation with someone in front of her about how you/your DH/kid has been smelling recently and you couldn’t work out why because they’d been showering and wearing deodorant everyday, you realised it was the clothes and so you tried putting it on a long hot wash but then it still didn’t work and so you had to throw that top away.

Yes that should work. Also follow @Coolblur 's suggestion and get drunk before approaching the colleague, OP

So many replies. She's very young so no menopausal issues. We had a night out and I was sitting next to her. Presumably she was freshly showered and changed but she still smelt awful. There will be a scramble not to sit next to her at the Christmas night out I imagine. I can't see me ever saying to her, I just couldn't. However, if it is making me ill something will need to be done.

We work with someone like that in a large organisation. I can't be near her or I gag to be sick and have to walk away. Multiple people have complained about it but management have been too scared to do anything. It's horrific!

Something MUST be done.

It could be a welfare issue - illness/disability may be an EDI matter.

She could be in an abusive situation.

She may be living in very difficult circumstances.

She may need HELP.

It's affecting you and your colleagues and your ability to do your jobs and achieve the targets your manager is tasked with delivering.

It's your manager's duty to do their job.

I currently know two people with a similar issue. Both wonderful people, both smell bad. I can't get my head around it.

You’re assuming that your manager hasn’t done anything because she still smells but life isn’t that simple- people don’t get told and just change.

talk to your manager again but you also need to accept that it may take time to change and if it doesn’t, your managers options are limited, especially based on how far they want to take it. You don’t get to control everything in the workplace, unfortunately

This is realistic though. This is not what HR are for, it’s what managers are employed and paid for. If it escalates HR may be involved but never first point of call. It’s immature to think they’re there to sort of everyone’s discomfort in the organisation

I've had to have this conversation as a manager previously.

I pitched it as I'd received some complaints about them from colleagues, and also noticed the smell myself.

I went with concern and sympathy during the meeting, which the person seemed to appreciate.

The person thanked me for letting them know, and whatever change they made worked, as they never smelt badly again.

Do not send an anonymous note, or start wafting air freshener about. Only a very poor manager would come at it from that angle.

#bekind

I worked with someone who wore horrible nylon clothes that must not have been washed properly , that wasn't fun

As others have said, this is for the boss to sort out - they get paid to have the difficult conversations.
I once overheard a conversation in a gym changing room that someone was going to have to have a conversation with one of her teachers for wearing leggings that showed her ‘camel toe’ 😅 and she didn’t think that was appropriate in a secondary school (I’m guessing the person talking was the head teacher)

@newfluffybag print a large notice "be nice to be near" laminate it and stick it up for all to see. no one knows who put it up and no one knows who it is directed at/ alternatively, have a conversation over the coffee break about antiperspirants and discuss which is the best. perhaps she will get the hint. or buy a bottle of deodorant/antiperspirant and plonk it on your desk,

I honestly believe that some people just don't care, surely they can smell themselves, I was in Boots the other day and had to move away from quite a few people because they stunk and it was sickening and M&S was as bad.
While out clothes shopping I've often picked up clothes that smelled of sweat, if you're going clothes shopping you should get a wash, it's common sense and I don't want to try jeans on after someone has had them on their sweaty arse.

I had a live-in nanny once with terrible body odor. Like rancid oil and goats with to notes of sweat and fustiness Even when her hair was wet and freshly showered she still smelt. I had to speak to her about it, which was stressful and excruciating. I was so apologetic for raising this personal issue. Her reaction and response: she was so relieved the chat was only about body odor as she had thought I was going to complain about her abilities! We talked about washing clothes more, using clean towels and using deodorant and she said she was glad I had brought it up as her parents had never helped her understand personal
hygiene requirements! Anyway, the smell got about 30% better so just bearable. When she left my employment I actually had to throw all the towels away as they were in fact saturated and stiff with rancid fat. In her shower cubicle I found a gallon bottle of cooking oil which she was using as an in shower moisturizer. It smelt rancid! It explained a lot. I felt sorry for her but mainly was just glad we parted ways. I hope your smellynproblem goes away too!

Wow, that's astonishing! Where on earth did she get the idea that cooking oil would make a good in-shower moisturiser?! 😱 Her parents really failed her and it makes you wonder what life was like in her family home when she was growing up, poor young woman. 😔

I worked with a lovely bloke who didn't smell at all
He moved up to being a manager and around that time he stank
You could smell it outside after he'd gone home
We all just looked at the top manager to say something but he refused (he was a useless knob who just wanted the glory and none of the work)
Top manager left and someone had a word
Turns out,they'd just had a baby and his shower routine had gone from everyday to once a week and not washing his uniform between shifts (we work with food-you need to wash uniform after every shift not once a week!)
He went back to once a day and he smells of nothing again

Another bloke we knew from school reeked
He smelt of wee,bo,weed and animal poo
His wife would sit with no knickers on and flash you-giving you a strong whiff of 'herself' (and that smell was strong)
I know people had endless words over the years and they didn't listen
So I ended up ghosting them

Some people just don't care