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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Colleague has taken a dislike to me, feeling uncomfortable at work

58 replies

Edellondon · 14/11/2024 17:49

I started a new job a few months back, another woman started around the same time so we were both together learning the role etc, we seemed to be getting on well with no issues. A few more people joined and she became friendly with them, all fine. Ive noticed she has now given me the cold shoulder and seems very off with me. She's just not being very friendly and minimal conversation. I feel I've obviously said or done something to upset her. She's quite a big personality and I find myself becoming quieter in the team. It's almost like she makes a point not to include me, for example will ask a few of the women to go for a coffee in the kitchen with her but not me.
It all feels very school like. I messaged her to test the waters, just a friendly message about something and she didn't even read it or respond to it. Im starting to feel really uncomfortable in work and dreading going in. Everyone else in the team seems fine with me but as she is quite loud and outgoing I feel she has become closer to everyone. We are a group of only twenty people in one room so not really getting away from her. AIBU to leave the job or stick it out?
Minus the issue with this lady everything else about the job works well with my lifestyle and its very accommodating for my kids etc i feel i cant speak to the boss as the lady hasn't really done anything wrong

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 19/11/2024 16:27

Stop focusing her.
Be polite to her. But keep interaction low.

Keep your efforts on the more positive work-friendships.

Not everyone is going to adore Miss Outgoing Personality. And if you step away from her, she's likely to find someone else to be disagreeable at.

She's not being kind to you. Ignore her nicely.

AnareticDegree · 19/11/2024 16:36

Sounds like she sees you as a threat or is jealous so is trying to form a clique. Sad and immature.

Very loud outgoing people are often insecure ime.

Give no headspace to her and focus on doing your job.

AConcernedCitizen · 19/11/2024 16:53

So she's she's palled on with other co-workers, doesn't want to have a coffee with you, and she hasn't replied to a text...and you're asking if you should leave your job over this?

Maybe she thinks your boring? Maybe she's odd? Maybe she has much more in common with other people than you and prefers to spend her breaks with them?

Who cares, let alone thinks about quitting over it!

purplecorkheart · 19/11/2024 17:31

To be honest, she sounds like she likes shiny and new. These people are new, so she has moved on. If someone else starts, she most likely will move on to them.

If this job works for you then do not leave because of her. It is not you it's her. Just be professional and polite. You don't have to be friends with everyone.

Edellondon · 19/11/2024 22:35

Thanks for all the lovely replies,
I agree with everyone about not giving her the attention from it all and I feel more confident about the situation. I haven't moved desks yet, ive been quite busy so haven't really had the chance. She's still up to her usual antics but trying not to let them get to me

OP posts:
Guest100 · 19/11/2024 22:56

This is why I dread going back to work. There is always one like this.

You just need to ignore her. It’s just a sad attempt at being queen bee.

Be a quiet observer. You might find someone who will become a friend and share an eye roll at the ridiculous behaviour. Give yourself a chance to settle in and see how the other employees take to her. But if in a few months you really feel the entire office is in a clique with her that you are left out of, and it’s causing you anxiety, leave. It’s not worth the stress.

One thing you must do is discreetly keep a record of every horrible interaction. If nothing else you have something to show them when you resign.

Please don’t suck up to her and try to be her friend. That just gives her more power. Be polite and only interact as required for work.

Hopefully a line manager notices what she is doing.

converseandjeans · 20/11/2024 07:37

Just ignore her & carry on being nice & chatty to other people. I honestly can't see the point in calling her out on it. In any case do you actually want her as a friend?

I think you could look into moving seats in the office?

She's being really childish. I think it's nice if you can be friends with colleagues but I've not usually had people I socialise with from work.

Edellondon · 20/11/2024 08:57

converseandjeans · 20/11/2024 07:37

Just ignore her & carry on being nice & chatty to other people. I honestly can't see the point in calling her out on it. In any case do you actually want her as a friend?

I think you could look into moving seats in the office?

She's being really childish. I think it's nice if you can be friends with colleagues but I've not usually had people I socialise with from work.

Hi,
No I definitely dont want to be her friend now after this ridiculous behavior, just don't want there to be any awkwardness especially with her influencing other members of staff etc
Keeping focus on work here and chatting with other colleagues
Thanks

OP posts:
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