Was going to name change for this but sod it.
I have been married to DH for 22 yrs. Pretty good marriage, we get on and do things together, however I’ve totally gone off sex. I used to really love sex and was way more adventurous than him. Now my skin crawls when I even think about DTD with him.
He will be wondering why, I expect. He hasn’t asked so I haven’t contributed any reasons or excuses.
For me, these are my reasons.
He brushes his teeth once in a blue moon. I don’t want to kiss him because of his breath. It’s difficult even sleeping in the same bed. He’s the type to take offence and sulk for days so I haven’t directly said to him this is one of the reasons. I’m also not his parent. He’s 46, HE should know to brush his own teeth. Or to go to the dentist.
Sex lasts approximately 30-40 seconds then it’s over. The very second I get into it, it stops. So what’s the point? We’ve spoken about this but for some reason he won’t address this issue with a GP, because let’s face it, it’s not an issue for him. He gets his orgasm and I get wet for nothing. Again, I shouldn’t have to nag an adult to see a doctor. Especially when I don’t even care to have sex. I’ve given up asking him to sort this out. So his selfishness over this is a large contributor to my dwindling libido.
Limited attraction from my end. I guess sometimes this fades over time. He’s a good looking man, just with the teeth issue and other things, the attraction just isn’t there for me anymore.
Uneven distribution of housework. He does very little. I’m naturally the default parent and always have been. He acts like an additional child, which is not sexy for me. Eg, the teeth issue and the premature ejac issue, if I told him to brush teeth, he willingly would. But I’m not his fucking parent. If I booked the dr appointment, he’d go. Again, not my job. I am tired of being the chief decision maker by default despite never signing up for the role. All of that makes me less and less attracted to him. I’m attracted to intelligence and initiative, when that’s gone there’s nothing for me to be attracted to.
He makes zero attempt to woo me into bed. He thinks he can just get it out and I’ll be ready, or he can rub my back for 20 seconds to fire me up so I’ll be raring to go. No dates arranged. No flirting other than some cringy innuendos that remind me of Bruce Fortsythe or worse.
He’s genuinely one of life’s great guys (I know my description hasn’t sold him), he really is though. We are an amazing team and I actually believe if he ever asked me “why?” I would tell him the reasons stated above, but he doesn’t even take the initiative to ask me, so I’m not offering the information. If this was a situation that bothered me then I would sort it, but right now, I don’t care for sex. Libido is low. When it does come, I sort myself out.
But I’m sure he is like many, many men who are perplexed as to why their wives don’t want to sleep with them anymore. I know he finds me attractive. I look and weigh the same as I did when we met in high school and I’ve worked hard to keep my looks and figure. He always touches me and I hate it.
And yes, we can do other things other than sex. He loves to give oral, but sometimes you just want a good shag, don’t you?
Anyway, should he ever be looking on Mumsnet for answers, he may see this response and click. But OP, not sure on your situation, but all I ever see is bewildered men who have no idea why sex has dried up, when they have similar qualities to my DH.