To not be present obsessed at xmas

[Battenbergcoconutice]

I keep seeing thread after thread about "how much do you spend on Xmas presents for your children" or discussing the vital importance of getting gifts right. Why is everyone so obsessed with presents at Xmas? Am I the only one who thinks the magic of Christmas is being with people you love, the atmosphere, decorations good food etc? You can do so much with stockings for children on a budget, or what's wrong with everyone home makes a present family gifts??? Ergh the materialism of Xmas gets worse year on year. I can't be alone in thinking this. Saw a thread where the OP said parents spent 1k plus on gifts PER CHILD and had 100+ presents each. Mums then reaponding feeling guilty they aren't doing enough. Want to bash my head against a brick wall...

I wouldnt never tell anyone, even my family what I spend on my kids (now grown up). Some years it's been more, other times it's been less. Whatever the amount is, is my business and not open for discussion. I've never understood why parents share their budgets.

As for actual presents, "you do you" is what I'd say to anyone. I don't really care how you spend your christmas and how many presents you buy each other, as long as everyone is happy. I don't think people should go into debt for Christmas though.

Everyone's version of christmas will be different. You mention in yours as an example of "good food ". Another family will put that's not important to them and nor can they afford it. You've put about "homemade gifts", some people wouldn't know where to start or how to even store it. I'm not purposely picking apart your post, it's just examples that everyone's christmas will be different. Some people live in terrible conditions and find christmas really hard ..others are very extravagant and it's a non stop celebratory period for them.

As I say "you do you". As long as you've had a great christmas and spent it how you would like, I wouldnt overthink anyone's else's 🎄

I hate these sort of 'puffed up' pigeon posts. Christmas isn't compulsory - you have found a way that works for you but that doesn't give you the moral high ground to judge how others spend (on) theirs.

I agree.

We have a situation where kids/teens have needed and wanted expensive things this term, so before Christmas. Things they would need, but they wanted a more high end version, if that makes sense. We agreed to the expensive version but on the understanding that is their main present. For Christmas itself, they know they will have a stocking with nice gifts in it, but things like power banks, grippy socks, fluffy socks, nice shampoo, mouthguards, sweets. They always get new PJs at start of advent. That approach to gifts startd last year, when we went abroad and couldn't bring much. We will see if it survives translation to our UK Christmas!

I am more interested in gifts than Christmas food.
The food part doesn't really interest me at all.
However....I don't spend £100s or £1000s on gifts. I don't buy stuff just so there's "something to unwrap".
My family do wish lists so there's no "I hope they like this" random gifts.
The money I have I like to spend on gifts, Christmas decorations and Christmas crafts. That's my Christmas because amazingly people like different things.....🤔

Christmas is so hyped up now ,I think people have lost the true meaning of Christmas. And basically don't care what or how many gifts other kids get or have, I just think of the many who don't have nothing on Christmas day ,,not even a home to celebrate in .

Yes and no. DH and I will spend a lot on our kids if they’ve asked for ££ things - but a) we’d never tell anyone what we’ve spent and b) the kids are not frivolous and are very grateful so only ask for things if they really, really want them; not just because they’re expensive or trendy or whatever.

The posts that drive me nuts are (and to be fair I see these on my local FB group rather than MN) ‘my girl/boy has got everything, never played with their toys from last year haha, anyone got any ideas what to get them?’ Stop wasting your money people!

I think people can do as they please. I celebrate Christmas because it’s statutory time off work, not because I believe that Jesus was born in a stable and died for my sins. There’s no “true meaning of Christmas” beyond that, and it isn’t magic. If you want to sing carols and make homemade presents and that makes your family happy, then other people exchanging thousands of pounds worth of presents surely doesn’t detract from that happiness. You just do as you please and let them do likewise.

I like gifts. I have a husband and an extended family who are excellent gift givers. We all have money to spend. I’m sure other people have wonderful Christmases doing whatever they enjoy doing, and I don’t feel compelled to compare our experiences.

I love getting dds gifts and seeing their faces. They don't care about decorations.

They are 12 and 14 now and I'll always get them as much as I can.

I lost my 22 year old son 2 years ago and I lost my partner in February this year and this Christmas it's just me and my 14 year old daughter and it's gonna be pretty shit for us on Christmas morning going from 4 of us to 3 of us and now 2 so I am gonna cheer us both up with as many presents as I can get, it's very wasteful and terrible for the planet and a complete waste of money but fuck it. Life is short and everyone loves presents so I'm gonna be that parent this year that people slag off for excessive presents under the tree. Also sick of people judging other people all the time so merry Christmas to me and my massive pile of presents

Presents are a part of Christmas and I suppose every parent wants their child to feel the excitement that they remember. I resist the 'more is better' mentality but admit I do plan that X presents will make the kids excited but not overwhelmed or spoilt. In some ways it's the same thing. I want to make my kids happy. I just think balance is a better way to do it.

I do agree that the 'my kids have everything they could ever need and more, what else should I get them?' posts are a bit baffling and I think, Just stop buying them stuff all the time and they might appreciate it a bit more.

My DD age 8 doesn't even want anything! Kids have so much these days that I don't think stuff excites them any more.

Because some of our kids get no toys all year basically, sometimes even their birthday isn’t anything more than something small. I do think some people go insanely ott but here because of money, having 4 kids and in the race not to spoil etc Christmas is nearly the only time they have a chance to get that thing ‘that everyone else has’ or that they saw in the shop window (yes I know I’m being dramatic here😅) etc

Sorry for your losses x

I get quite down with all the Christmas excesses so am very careful to moderate presents and food. We still have a lovely time and don't suffer from clutter, lack of money or (too much) weight gain in the new year.

Comparison is the thief of joy, I don't think discussing how much everyone spends on the gifts makes any sense tbh. Everyone has it differently and what one can afford easily might be a huge amount of money for the other, and it's okey. I also don't think we should go all crazy with gifts, but if someone wants to they are free to do so! We stopped with extended family gifts a long time ago and only exchange Smartshow 3d video cards instead.

Yes some of the spending can go to far. some of the threads here seem excessive. However most people don’t spend thousand on each child.
I also don’t like the competitive threads about how minimally commercial their Christmas, Christmas is family time will be and how presents are an indulgence.

There isn’t anything wrong trying to find a present someone will love that might be home made, a few pounds or hundreds. I don’t think home made is necessarily more virtuous. I have had some great home made presents but not everyone has the time or skill or money for it.

Mine is a mixture- I like buying presents (know I’m lucky to have money and time). I’m also a Catholic so will be at church as well.

It depends how you were raised OP.

If you grew up in a household where money was tight and you went without for the rest of the year, Christmas was the one time where you actually had something new, something special, something specifically for you, a luxury or a much wanted toy. There was genuine excitement because it was so rare.

If you grew up in affluent circumstances where a new book or sweater or scarf was nothing special, then I imagine it is easy to feel as you do.

As a single mum, I have to watch the bills all year. At Christmas I can relax and spoil those I love. It gives me pleasure and my DS loves it. For 10 days our house is full of special foods and drinks, there are gifts to be enjoyed, no work, more time together for fun activities, a much more relaxed pace. They are all elements of our family's celebration and add to the whole.

Yes getting the right gift sometimes jumps from being thoughtful to being stressful, and even becoming transactional. Which isn’t the point of gift giving at all.

@Ihopeithinkiknow you do whatever you think will help and ignore the killjoys. We all deal with different xmases in different ways and it is no one's business but yours.

I hope Xmas is as good as it can be for you and your dd xx

I think everyone should do as they please. In our family, Christmases are just as special for my children as they were for me as a child.

We are definitely more financially comfortable than when I was growing up but because of that I think it makes me more strict and we never go to the excess as I would hate to bring up spoiled children. My eldest has asked for a big present £200+ the last two years. I've hinted to that Santa may bring him it this year but it's the only thing going on his list and he keeps saying he knows because it's a big toy he won't get anything else and he's just grateful if he gets that one gift. I would never not ally's pens so much but as he's still asking for the same gift two years in a row and we can comfortable afford it, I thought we would treat him this year. He ofcourse will get a few more gifts but I like that's he's appreciative of what he gets and the fact that he knows he can't just keep asking and asking.

My bug bear is the pictures of hundreds of presents strewn across the room and posted on social media. I don't have an issue with people buying in such abundance if they chose so but I think photos like that will just hurt those who may be struggling with the cost of living right now and I personally don't ever want to post anything on social media that makes anyone else feel less than.

My daughter has her birthday in December so I'm currently trying to balance how many gifts to give her for each so she's not overwhelmed and doesn't come to expect loads in the future (she's turning 3). I've been debating whether four things to unwrap plus a stocking is too much for Christmas from us. If people want to buy their kids hundreds of presents that's up to them. What annoys me is the endless social media posts with photos from every angle. It almost feels like they only bought all those things to show off how generous they are!

I think 100 presents is crazy. I agree OPwith your post. Surely the point of Christmas is to not make consumerism a life choice! Ours are older now, however when younger they had some presents and also trip to panto , the garden centre to look at Xmas lights and see Santa and so on .My DD used to love a drive out to see the *Ho Ho Ho houses,:" every one's lights in other words!

Social media and keeping up with people has a lot to do with this tbh.

Yeah i grew up in the 80s in a very working class house hold with very little money at times. Christmas was always special. More treats were available, the house was decorated with those metallic decs across the ceiling and dangling down. We had a cheesy tree that we decorated as kids. We did have a sack of gifts each but i doubt they cost the world.

No perfect aesthetic decorations for instagram. No big trips out apart from maybe to see lights Just lots of family time, christmas films and time off school to play with our new toys!

As an adult i have no children but we still love Christmas, the build up in ( December!) christmas music, lights, seeing places decorated. Spending time with family etc. i work in the NHS so don’t get much time off but what i do i really make sure i enjoy.

I’m on mat pay so cutting back this year and not buying for adults, kids only.

for my eldest (youngest is a baby so doesn’t have a clue) I’m determined not to accrue mountains of plastic rubbish. We pay into a regular saver for him when he’s older and I rather spend the money on things to do or swimming, football classes etc throughout the year.

we’ve asked family to give the kids money / vouchers as that will help us out buying more clothes next year

I lost my 22 year old son 2 years ago and I lost my partner in February this year and this Christmas it's just me and my 14 year old daughter and it's gonna be pretty shit for us on Christmas morning going from 4 of us to 3 of us and now 2 so I am gonna cheer us both up with as many presents as I can get, it's very wasteful and terrible for the planet and a complete waste of money but fuck it. Life is short and everyone loves presents so I'm gonna be that parent this year that people slag off for excessive presents under the tree. Also sick of people judging other people all the time so merry Christmas to me and my massive pile of presents

I hope you and your daughter enjoy your huge pile of presents and that you have a lovely day together. If it helps, even a little bit, then it's totally worth it.