to not get the emphasis on friends in children's TV?

[igglepiggle599]

Not a complaint as such - more a point of curiosity.

Whenever I watch CBeebies or similar with my toddler, I'm always struck by the obsession with friends and how important they are, how they're the most important thing in life, etc. Think Mr. Tumble and the friends song, the song words in various programmes about never being alone when you have friends, the Chuggington stuff about how being with friends is the best thing ever. It's everywhere, and constant. There's always a heartwarming moment at the end of every show where somebody concludes that their friends are the most important thing in their life, or whatever.

I feel like I should be saying how I get what they're trying to do, but...I just don't! It seems like an emphasis that really rubs the joy of friendship in the faces of all the children in the world who struggle to make friends, whether because of disability, not having been taught appropriate social skills, being isolated, introverted, academically ahead or behind, or simply because they have an unusual personality.

Surely it would be more constructive to put the emphasis on being kind and accepting? These are positive character traits that most parents want their children to have (and traits they would wish their children's peers to have). The concept of 'friends' is more of a social label/position that doesn't really say anything inherent about desired behaviour.

Don't suppose anybody can shine any light on this?

This is such a shame. Of course kindness and acceptance should be taught and encouraged. But kids learn quickly and can see with their own eyes it's often the most unkind children who have others falling over themselves to be their friends. Being nice and kind is no guarantee if friendship at that age, if anything their experiences with others actively disincentivises it. I wish it weren't so.

I've been thinking of this friendship thing recently.
I agree with you and it's also a big thing in social media/ tv/ films etc. for adults too.
I'm ( I think!) a good, kind and chatty person who will do favours for people, chat away to people etc. and seem to know most of our village to pass the time of day with.
But, apart from my husband I have no one I would call a friend but I am very happy with that. I used to have friends when i was much younger to go out with tec. but we just drifted apart and I'm happier with just my husband, children and small interactions with neighbours and school mums.
I get thoroughly fed up of having no friends as being seen as a character flaw; even on this thread one person has said "Isn't that what they're doing with the majority of the story lines anyway? They are kind and because they're kind, they have friends?" How about all the people who are kind and have no friends either through circumstance or choice?

I completely agree with you. My daughter is at nursery and my DHs family constantly ask her whether she made any friends. Every day. The term 'friend' means so little to these little people, yet we constantly impose it upon them! It's always said with such desperation, mainly because our daughter is quite shy. I prefer to ask more open questions - who did you do that with? Did you enjoy that? Etc and just take it from there.

I think you might be onto something.
Bluey is the only show I really enjoy watching with my LO. I greatly prefer the episodes set within the family, the only time it feels idealised and unrealistic to me is episodes set at Bluey's school.

Interesting thread! I have an adult child and when he was young the popular kids shows were pretty balanced when it came to portraying friendships. One of his favorites (Arthur) had a diverse group of "friends" who regularly argued or drifted away. The emphasis was more on accepting other people's quirks and foibles rather than "be nice and you'll have a huge group of true friends".

Many studies point to friendship/social interaction as being one of the pillars of healthy aging and maintaining cognitive health. Isolation and loneliness are tied to mental decline in older people. The "I hate people/my " little family" is enough/I've gone no contact with everyone" contingent on MN may be vocal but they're likely in the minority (as well as in denial).

They focus on friends but in a young child context that simply means being kind and friendly to the people you are put in a room with whether at nursery, the playground, toddler group or the children of your parents friends - you don't make friends in a true sense until you are older than the age these are aimed at!

I used the word friends with my dd where in reality it was simply the offspring of those I managed to cajole into bringing to my home (I'm a decent cook and I hope friendly myself because my dd being autistic didn't make friends)

I mean, didn’t we all have formative years with the biggest TV show in the world (and still the most streamed) being entirely focused on FRIENDS?

Which was a bit misleading as it was more like "A woman, her brother and all the people they knew because they shared an apartment at one point". Plus Phoebe. And I think she actually lived with Monica before Rachel come to think of it.

It’s one of favourite feel-good shows but I did grow up and realise how highly unrealistic it is for a group of friends to give that much of a shit about your welfare.

My experience is that usually only the most socially-powerful in the group will get that treatment - the rallying around for one person stuff. But the good treatment isn’t out of a deep feeling of connection, it’s about self-preservation of each members’ place in the group.

I would like to believe there are friend groups out there that are just groups of nice people that genuinely look out for each other.

But when I read posts of people that have that, I cant help thinking they’re just lucky to be in the place where nothing has happened yet. For example, one member losing weight, coming into money, or even going through a shit time. The thing that upsets the balance, causes one or two members to start talking crap said group member privately and there starts the segregation of the group.

On TV if a usually nice person acts like a dick their friends are “concerned” and set out to find out what’s wrong or collectively do something nice to cheer them up. In real life, if a usually nice person acts like a dick, we think they were a dick the whole time and all their previous nice acts are forgotten, we put up our barriers and harden up and get angry, tell everyone we know what they did, avoid, ignore or block.

Even in a playground setting, if a child does something bad the whole school can turn on them. If a child is alone, other children don’t feel sorry for them and invite them to join in, they just wonder why they’re on their own out of curiosity or think they’re weird and different. (The CBeebies friendship stuff isn’t sticking, perhaps?)

Then there are the rare people who will give you the clothes of their back and teach their children to do the same. These people are never celebrated, they are used.