Nanny keeps changing baby's clothes

[coverp]

I know this is far from the world's worst problem and that I'm letting it annoy me more than it should, but any ideas on if/how to address appreciated.

We have a nanny part time for DD (8mo), 2 older children in pre-school/school. Literally every single time I get the baby dressed, the nanny will change her clothes. For a while I just assumed poonami but then realised that there were clean clothes (worn for an hour or 2) in the laundry.

I have asked a couple of times and she's said 'Ah I just thought she'd like to look a bit more girly' (I had dressed her in a vest with blue bears on) and 'I thought she needed another layer' (I had dressed her in long sleeved vest plus light jumper, which she replaced with short sleeved vest and different patterned light jumper).

I know I just need to let it go as it's such a minor thing overall, but it's making me irrationally cross. The unnecessary laundry is part of it, although in a household of 5 it's not a huge thing. It's more the feeling that she's saying she knows better than I do.

YABU - just shut up and let it go, you're lucky that the relationship with the nanny is pretty good

YANBU - say something (what?!)

I have asked a couple of times and she's said 'Ah I just thought she'd like to look a bit more girly'

would send me insane with rage. I would be hiding anything remotely "girly" and making it very clear that that kind of talk/attitude in front of any of my family is a non-negotiable "no-no". And to consider this as a formal warning.

That attitude would be concerning to me, not a bit of extra laundry.

I have to admit as a nanny that I used to do this sometimes Mainly down to different taste in clothes.

totally overstepping - you'd have had your marching orders from me.

About the girly comment, I wonder if the nanny is tired of having to explain to strangers who coo over the baby that she's a girl. If a baby is dressed in blue bears, most people will say something like "Isn't he sweet! How old is he?" You really cannot tell at 8 months if a baby is male or female, so, traditionally, babies were often dressed in pink or blue to let people know - somewhat hilariously, given our times - what pronouns to use. 😂

People messing up this system is what caused people to refer to my pretty, dressed-in-pink baby niece as "him"! I always felt a bit offended at that. Couldn't everyone see that she was OBVIOUSLY a beautiful princess??😂

Anyway, pink hasn't always been a girls' colour. Not so long ago, it was seen as masculine, because it's a derivative of red.

@Brefugee Then you would have lost yourself a loving, caring, hardworking nanny then. All over a child's outfit. I've been a nanny for nearly 40 years, have excellent references from every family I've worked for and have been with my current family for 11 years.

Can you not tell her you don’t like it because you chose what you wanted her to wear???
The breast milk thing would really annoy me. It’s thoughtless and means you are pumping more and breast feeding less. From your babies point of view both things are a worse experience than they need to be.

YANBU about the unnecessary outfit changes it does sound a bit odd.

However I do think YABU:
When I WFH and she is in the house, I've asked that she bring her to me for a feed rather than using expressed milk

Thats going to cause DC to become unsettled and confused. I don’t think that’s fair on the nanny or DC, they need a proper routine not chopping and changing when it suites you.

Do you work? If not then get rid of the nanny simple stay at home mum.

The routine is the baby is fed a bottle of expressed breastmilk by her known carer if her mother can’t be home to feed her. This is exactly the same as if the child’s father occasionally gave her a bottle. There is no benefit to the baby in her being fed a bottle rather than bf if mum is available.

The girly comment would have me more annoyed especially if there are older girls in the house.

Needing to look "girly" is not an attitude I'd want influencing my children. It'd make me worried what other sexist things she was saying.

I used to go over to the on site nursery to BF my young children, with my younger son when they called me and with my older one just at lunch time (he was older when he went to nursery). This arrangement was agreed with the nursery and worked well. BF suits DC more than anyone else.

You expect a baby to understand that Mum working from home means she’s available to breast feed only, but not available for cuddles or playing or anything else because she is working…..Maybe that’s why the nanny keeps changing her clothes to distract her each time she has to take her away from their mother throughout the day 😂

Not necessarily. I’ve found in the past that nannies that see themselves this way often think they know much better than the parents and regularly overstep, forgetting that they still need to take instruction as all families/parents/children are different - and parents are entitled to have their children looked after how they want to when they are paying.

Ignore this advice OP.

I’d expect the nanny to comfort and play with her just like her grandparent, aunt, sibling or neighbour would. I’m not sure why this is a problem, it’s normal to care for an infant this way.

Yes I would expect a Nanny to be left to do her job if you have employed her because you need childcare but then demand the baby to brought to you to be breastfeed:

When I WFH and she is in the house

That is not a routine, that’s sporadic. How an earth is a baby meant to understand and grasp that concept?

All you need to do is say
'Thanks for looking after (child). Can I please just ask that you don't change her/him unless they are dirty? Thanks.'

I think the only thing an 8 month baby will be grasping is their feet!
I think they're a little young to understands the concept of time and routine.

There is nothing wrong with the baby being bought to the mother to BF when someone else is doing most of the caring, and it doesn't matter if it changes day to day. Babies who go to nursery manage perfectly well on days they don't go to nursery.

Only someone who doesn't understand how hard expressing can be is not going to understand the mum would rather feed herself when she can. Please the extra cuddle during in the working day. Not many parents would turn down a cuddle with their baby in their working day if it was available.

You think an 8 month old baby doesn’t understand time and routine?! That’s pretty much all they DO understand at that age!

Its very different a baby being dropped at nursery for the day to a baby being constantly taken to their mum throughout the day to be breastfeed, then expecting a nanny to take them away and settle them down multiple times throughout the day.

I don’t think it’s fair on the little one but each to their own.

Honestly @PixieLaLar I think it’s preferable to see as much of mum as possible. What you are describing is a child needing to shut down their needs/wants to manage separation. It’s what used to happen at boarding schools where they’d tell parents not to visit for the first few weeks as it “unsettles” the child.