Nanny keeps changing baby's clothes

[coverp]

I know this is far from the world's worst problem and that I'm letting it annoy me more than it should, but any ideas on if/how to address appreciated.

We have a nanny part time for DD (8mo), 2 older children in pre-school/school. Literally every single time I get the baby dressed, the nanny will change her clothes. For a while I just assumed poonami but then realised that there were clean clothes (worn for an hour or 2) in the laundry.

I have asked a couple of times and she's said 'Ah I just thought she'd like to look a bit more girly' (I had dressed her in a vest with blue bears on) and 'I thought she needed another layer' (I had dressed her in long sleeved vest plus light jumper, which she replaced with short sleeved vest and different patterned light jumper).

I know I just need to let it go as it's such a minor thing overall, but it's making me irrationally cross. The unnecessary laundry is part of it, although in a household of 5 it's not a huge thing. It's more the feeling that she's saying she knows better than I do.

YABU - just shut up and let it go, you're lucky that the relationship with the nanny is pretty good

YANBU - say something (what?!)

She also used to comb his lovely fluffy hair down flat into a side parting, he looked ridiculous 😠

A less aggressive way to manage this - don't dress your daughter - let the Nanny do it. It's not a big deal and if she's a great Nanny otherwise, I'd just hand her over in her Pjs.

This would really annoy me, but having had a really bad nanny I would say if good in all other ways this isn’t something to butt heads on if there are other ways of dealing.

I think I would hand dc over in pjs and let her crack on with dressing her as she likes.

It's not something I could loose sleep about. I tend to hand over my baby in his sleep suit though as I know my nanny likes dressing him- and actually I leave it her to dress him appropriately for the weather/ activities planned that day. I know she has preferences/ things she likes to put him in and that's fine by me. As for dirty laundry- if it definitely soiled it goes in the basket, but anything potentially rewearable she leaves out so I can review and rewear or launder. She will also do the children's laundry if I wish. To be honest one of the reasons we gave her a permanent position was because of how well turned out my son looked and the care she took in dressing him appropriately when she first started working for us. I trust her to get on with this task among the others she is responsible for as she is very capable.

If she cares for all DC well and you trust her that is the most important thing. I'd let it go. I know very well when my sister looked after her granddaughter for the day the first thing she did every single time baby's Mum had gone was to change her into an expensive hand smocked dress before she took her out. Then half an hour before her Mum returned she was put back into her original outfit her Mum had brought her in. This went on for years until DC started school.

I used to get bought t-shirts for DS as a baby but it was never warm enough to have his arms out and so would sometimes put him in a long sleeved vest with short sleeve t-shirt over the top.

I knew it wasn't exactly high fashion but thought it looked kind of cute especially with darker coloured vests. Perhaps because I remember thinking it was cool back in the 00s wearing those type of tops (google 't shirt over long sleeve' for context).

SIL would constantly go on about how ridiculous he looked and would laugh at all the photos as if I'd put him in a clown outfit. It actually weirdly irritated me and made me want to do it more.

I think it's because it's my child and I've chosen it so it feels the same as if she'd said it about my outfit since it might as well be mine.

What you're describing sounds like an overstep. She's not DDs parent. She's there to care for her. It's one thing to choose outfits she likes when she needs changing anyway but to completely overrule your choice (as if yours is wrong) and go to the effort of changing? I find it really odd. Especially the idea - as suggested by PP - that they might be embarrassed by it. Its just a child's clothes? A child who isn't yours?

I would not want my child spending all day every day with a person so hung up on appearances that they change my child out of a perfectly good outfit because it's not to their tastes. It doesn't need to be to their tastes. They're not the ones wearing it. Why does a child need to be dressed to your liking for you to look after them? The sexism is weird too.

If you don't want her to change the baby just ask her not to.

But also, the way the children are turned out kind of reflects on how well the nanny is doing her job and other parents she sees at the park or baby group are potential future employers - so she may just want to ensure the baby is extra clean and nicely dressed when she's working. It's like a little advert.

Is she putting the worn ones in the washing basket because why on earth are you washing them after this long?

When somebody from the UK reference checked my former nanny, one of the questions the nanny agency asked was whether she dressed the baby/toddler to look "smart". We aren't English so I wondered if it was an English thing. One of my team members did say that she could tell when I had dressed her and when the nanny had as he looked a lot more co-ordinated when I did it. Anyway a few extra outfits wouldn't bother me in the scheme of employing nannies - there are much worse problems.

Thank you for the replies. I do sometimes leave her in her sleepsuit if I'm heading early into the office, but on the days when I can, I love picking out her outfit and having a nice 10 mins changing/dressing/playing with her before I start work. I'm not obsessive about the clothes, but I do choose nice/matching/non clashing sets so it's not as though she "needs" changing to look "presentable" (whatever that would be of an 8mo).

To the minority unpleasant comments around looking after her myself if I don't like the way the nanny does it - do wind your neck in. I'm back to work earlier than I'd have liked to have been due to an unfortunate change in circumstances - as is the case for most of us, we are juggling as best we can and it hurts very deeply that I'm not able to be with DD for more of the time.

Ask her to not, use the amount of laundry as your reason.

You are absolutely entitled to dress your own child and enjoy picking the outfits out! It sounds like a lovely way to start your morning.

A lady at DDs nursery used to change DD from neutrals into pink glittery stuff from the spare clothes basket

Whilst I was kind of horrified at the result I took it as a sign of her affection for DD that she wanted her to look "extra cute"

Your baby isn’t a dolly to be subject to her whims and ideas around what she should wear. Plus many babies don’t like being dressed and undressed an it’s an unnecessary intrusion.
‘Nanny, I need to ask that you don’t change Polly unless it’s necessary eg she’s pooed or been sick or spilt food on her clothes. The extra washing is creating extra work and cost and I’m happy for her to wear the clothes I leave out for her’.

If laundry is the issue I’d ask her to pop the laundry in the washing machine.
Personally it would be a non issue for me but we all get annoyed about different things. As long as they are safe, well looked after I don’t care what they are wearing as long as it’s appropriate.
Good Nannie’s are hard to find so if she’s a good one this wouldn’t be something that I’d pick her up on. But I am irrationally annoyed about cleanliness and hygiene so if I felt like she didn’t follow good hygiene this would be an issue for me.

Try to ignore the nasty comments OP, it’s really unnecessary.

Anyway, YANBU - this would really annoy me too, also the gendered comments. Hopefully you can have a word and it’ll be nipped in the bud! It’s a big deal to leave your child with a nanny (or put them in nursery) and you need to feel comfortable.

I used to be a nanny. If I did this, and I wouldn't as it is weird, I would rather you spoke to me about it than brooded and got annoyed. Maybe she's insecure and wants to feel she is in charge. I would tell her straight, stop changing the baby unnecessarily as it is a waste of laundry powder and water etc.

If she needs to dress the baby in her choices to feel positive about her then she shouldn't be a nanny.

@coverp if you get on well with her you could confide in her and say, you enjoy dressing DD and you’d prefer to spend more time with her but are unable, so would she mind humouring you and only changing her when necessary?

I would certainly be annoyed by the extra laundry. At the very least, ask her to put the barely worn outfits back in the drawer.

Otherwise - well this wouldn’t bother me, but it clearly does you OP and that’s ok. So say something.

You don’t have to be confrontational about it- you can say, “I’m sad about missing time with DD and dressing her is one of the few bits I still get to do on a workday, so it would mean a lot to me if she stays in the outfit I chose - aside from messes of course”

Ohnobackagain ha cross post

Why would those clothes be extra cute? The narrative around all this needs to change otherwise we'll produce another generation of vacuous girls who live by how they look.

@Ygfrhj And she changes the baby after every poop even if the clothes are clean. But she also does all the laundry so I don't mind

That's appalling! The clothes will get worn out doing that, how ridiculous. Also I'd be stepping in on the only pink clothes - utterly batshit and reinforces the stereotype that girls must wear pink. Batshit

I was a nanny for years and would never have changed a child's outfit unless it was dirty.. until I started looking after a 2 year old who's mum just couldn't care less what she dressed the child in. Honestly the child looked a mess some days. Wearing clothes that were either way too small or ridiculously massive. It wasn't about money. They were rich.
If we were going to a playgroup or something then I'd change the child into clothes that fitted because it was embarrassing! People on the street wouldn't know the child wasn't mine so I'd be the one getting judged.

I was a nanny for years and I think this is odd behaviour. She should only be changing the clothes if dirty or if she is taking child out where what they are dressed in is not suitable eg wearing something real nice/new and they are going to a messy play session.I would absolutely speak to her

If it's just the laundry that is annoying you, you could put a small laundry basket in babies room for just her "dirty" clothes. Nanny may not be perfect but as others have mentioned good nannies can be hard to find.