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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my partner should stay home today

75 replies

Olive96 · 12/11/2024 03:41

Hi,

I think I’m in the early stages of labour - been having contractions inconsistently since yesterday and they are now 15-20 mins apart, they aren’t super intense - managing with breathing.

This is different to my first birth which started with waters breaking and was fast and furious. So I have no idea how long a ride I’m in for!

So the AIBU - my partner is due to be working on site around 90 mins from home, obviously I don’t know how long this early stage of labour will last and it could be a pointless day off but would you be saying to stay home?

OP posts:
FupaTrooper · 12/11/2024 04:03

Hmm, I wouldn't mind my DH going in as long as his employer gave him permission to drop tools and run if needed. 90 mins isn't too bad when you're not sure of timings...

But also your emotional needs are valid and if you need him for support then you should be able to tell him that

spuddy4 · 12/11/2024 04:04

Given that he's 90 minutes away I'd say stay home, totally different if he was 10 minutes down the road.

Daschund · 12/11/2024 04:21

My first was three hours, second was 45 minutes from first twinge and that was with waters going moments before his birth, third the same. DH would have missed 2&3 if he'd gone to work.

Original poster
Olive96 · 12/11/2024 04:24

He’d have no issue staying home, in fact I think he’ll want to. I just feel guilty wasting peoples time!

however, this week is my due date and there was no need for him to be put on a job so far away (I had always thought it was an oversight on his employers part) I guess they should be expecting to be a person down?

OP posts:
BunsenBurnerBaby · 12/11/2024 04:27

He should totally stay home. For my second I was in labour for less than two hours. DH barely made it.

Remaker · 12/11/2024 04:29

For second baby he should definitely stay home. My friend’s DH went to work 20 minutes away and missed her 2nd birth, which was on the bathroom floor attended by an ambulance crew and her 2 yr old.

Gonegirl7 · 12/11/2024 04:35

Yeah get him to stay home

Thomasina79 · 12/11/2024 04:36

No one can predict how long the labour might be, but for your piece of mind and emotional support he should stay at home. Also you mention this is your second child, does the eldest need looking after? Perhaps silly question, I’m sure you have everything organised. The point is you feel vulnerable and need somewhere there.

stayathomer · 12/11/2024 04:38

Definitely don’t feel guilty, it might or might not happen but it’s better to be prepared!! Best of luck op!

TinyTeachr · 12/11/2024 04:57

What time does he need to leave? If he's not leaving till say 8ish then tho decision doesn't need to be made yet. See how things progress over the next few hours

Original poster
Olive96 · 12/11/2024 05:03

TinyTeachr · 12/11/2024 04:57

What time does he need to leave? If he's not leaving till say 8ish then tho decision doesn't need to be made yet. See how things progress over the next few hours

6.15 ish he’d need to leave!

I’ve left him to sleep for now and will have the conversation when he wakes up. Contractions are ramping up to every 10 mins or so now so I’m thinking it’s best he’s here!

OP posts:
Donotgogentle · 12/11/2024 05:09

Good luck op!

Shouldbeworkingnotreadingtalk · 12/11/2024 05:16

Good luck !!! I hope to see some new baby news when I check the thread later. Woohooo for you :-) ... Flowers

orchid81 · 12/11/2024 05:16

Good luck OP!! x

IfIHadAHeart · 12/11/2024 05:20

Good luck!

autienotnaughty · 12/11/2024 05:20

Can he work from home? If yes then I'd say not go in.

I'd also get up and move around a bit if they stop or slow down it's probably not quite there yet.

Zanatdy · 12/11/2024 05:48

God no, second baby, it could go fast. I had contractions around that frequently with my 3rd, they weren’t for long at all and not that close together (7am ish when began). Then i went to pick up ds2 from nursery at 1pm and it ramped up fast. I arrived at hospital at 4pm, and she was born at 5. He could miss the birth if he’s 90 mins away

JesTory · 12/11/2024 06:04

I think he needs to stay home. It would be a very stressful 90 minute journey if he had to rush back.

OrlandointheWilderness · 12/11/2024 06:07

Definitely stay. Things can really accelerate with a second birth and you need to be getting ready!

TheSoapyFrog · 12/11/2024 06:10

YANBU! He should definitely stay home. 90 minutes away is too far away to be at this stage. Good luck OP!

Flux1 · 12/11/2024 06:11

Sounds like you're in labour. He should definitely stay home. Best of luck!!

Neurodiversitydoctor · 12/11/2024 06:13

Olive96 · 12/11/2024 04:24

He’d have no issue staying home, in fact I think he’ll want to. I just feel guilty wasting peoples time!

however, this week is my due date and there was no need for him to be put on a job so far away (I had always thought it was an oversight on his employers part) I guess they should be expecting to be a person down?

Does he have just the statutory 2 weeks ? If so you may not want to " use it up" on a day of potentially latent labour. Where is your first child ?

Edingril · 12/11/2024 06:14

I presume it is up to him, he can really make his own decision

Neurodiversitydoctor · 12/11/2024 06:15

Just seen your update he should stay home and maybe consider calling the maternity ward.

HS1990 · 12/11/2024 06:20

OP do update us if things progressed and you're okay! Good luck!