Child benefit tax

[JoB1kenobi]

My husband keeps his finances separate to mine. Red flags I know, it’s been the contention of our marriage but he won’t budge.

Long story short, he earned a rise at work that he kept from me. He got outed because it meant it took us over the child benefit allowance which gets paid to me FOR our children.

He has now received a letter to pay back £1400 and he thinks I should pay it because I received the child benefit that we weren’t entitled too, but he has money in the bank (because he earns 3 times more than me, and keeps all his money and my money is mine but barely covers my bills as I put my career on hold while bringing up our children, but I work, bloody hard. I just supported the family in others ways which allowed him to flourish in his career.)

I’ve said no to paying it, I genuinely cannot afford it. AIBU?

For context, he pays all the bills for the household and I pay for all the kids stuff including clothing, clubs, childcare (at one point this was as much as the mortgage!) my car and personal utilities, holidays, all gifts for all occasions, all parties basically the bonus stuff life brings plus I pay him 1/5 of my wages towards the household bills. I’m literally broke while he is sitting on cash.

Legally it is his debt. It is a High Income Child Benefit Charge rather than them asking for the actual Child Benefit back.

Why are you living this life with him? I'd up your hours to full time and make a plan to leave personally. And just don't pay that bill, it's his

No way you should be paying this. The letter was addressed to your husband, for money HE owes. He needs to stump up. He sounds rather tight and stingy 😔.

This. 100%! We had a similar situation (separate finances and what we pay for sounds very similar to your set up OP). DH either didn't realise or forgot when he got a pay increase that we'd gone over the threshold. He paid back the charge as he's the high earner (I receive the child benefit into my account). As this poster says, it's a high income charge... So that's your DH's responsibility and if he doesn't pay it's him HMRC will come after.

I do ask myself this question lots 😂 but the truth is, in every other way he’s an amazing husband and father.
I can’t really go full time due to my job, it’s very demanding and although I’m paid for part time hours, my unpaid overtime clocks me up to full time and I’m already burning out. My kids will ultimately suffer and I would end up paying my extra money on childcare.
I do plan to when they go to high school.

He wants separate finances, this is his bill. He can't have it both ways and share the debt while keeping the income.

For context, he pays all the bills for the household

plus I pay him 1/5 of my wages towards the household bills

So you pay for everything except household bills, and he doesn't even cover those? Even after his secret pay rise? And he can save money while you can't? He's taking the absolute piss.

If he is insisting on separate finances, he can pay his own tax bill.

How can he be amazing when he doesn't pay for his own kids? He doesn't value you or them and is selfish.

He doesn’t sound amazing at all? What’s amazing about a man who thinks childcare for his kids isn’t his responsibility?

does he realise that most couples share finances, and …. That’s why his earnings are relevant to the child benefit you receive?

But it's HIS tax bill, not yours.

I'd tell him to stop being so stingy before you leave him and take him to CSA.

What good qualities does this man have because he seems awful so far

This is horrible behaviour on his side. You took unpaid time out of your career (and still are) to look after his DCs. That’s not leisure time. He should be paying you for that and making up for the loss of future earning power.
And I agree that it’s his tax bill. You had every reason to believe you could spend the CB money as he hid his pay rise from you. He can deal with the consequences. (I’d still be saying he should pay it even if he had told you).

Sorry but no man who lets his wife work herself to the bone to still be skint whilst he is raking it in is an "amazing" husband. He's a selfish dick.

Let him pay the bill, they won't come after you for it

He is a loving person and very gentle and kind, he contributes to the household chores and loves his kids and me.

He pays for every household utility including groceries and he is generous with gifts for me.

I’ll add too that he is older than me owned a house that had equity which allowed me to get on the property ladder and he has gifted me half of that equity. He also has supported me financially through both maternity leaves which has allowed me to have a full twelve months off and also 3 years of uni (we’ve been together twenty years!) so I know he’s stingy but not selfish.

He’s a panicker and he likes to make sure he can provide for his kids and me by saving (even if that means I’m floundering financially!)

He is a lovely person and that is not being called into question. I am not happy with our financial situation at all but I’m not leaving him over it.

I can understand him being annoyed at the situation because child benefit gets paid to you and he clearly didnt keep up to date with the law on that. but because of how finances work in your family, he should do the decent thing and pay it

You need financial counselling as a couple. Advice would be you both contribute proportionally to what you earn, or it's all pooled and you both have an equal amount to spend. He's not treating you like a unit. You should also have a say in financial planning for the future, know what's in retirement (if anything) etc.

How can he be a lovely person when he is stingy and hides finances from his wife ????? So odd! Make him pay and plan to split !!!!!

He isn’t a lovely person.

he owes money to the tax man based on HIS earnings and he’s saddling you with the bill.

wise up hen.

I’ve tried this before - he’s just not interested and would never seek support.
He claims I’d spend all the money!

I know it’s a form of financial abuse and it really grinds me, I get so angry thinking about it but I know I’m set up for life with him - financially speaking.

We have a lovely house which is almost paid off, both have decent pensions (him in particular - but he’s older than me so can’t see us retiring together so we’ve planned that I’ll work in a supply basis if we need to top up our money - we both have wealthy parents who are aged so, while I know it could end up all being spent on care or ‘the dog’s home’ as people say, we should be wealthy in our retirement - if we don’t throttle each other over this tax bill in the meantime. 😂

I’m not saying this to be mean or undermine how you feel about your DH. I’m glad you are happy in your marriage.
But… none of this sounds particularly generous? He supported you to take mat leave so that you could give birth and care for his children? So he should. If you’d gone back to work sooner he would have had a big nursery bill to pay.
He gifted you equity in property? You are married. You are entitled to equity.
And you’ve already said the bills you pay are big. So it’s paying household bills isn’t really generous. It’s just his fair share?

wow. how extreme. he's pissed because he will have to pay a bill which he didnt see coming.

Not only should you not pay his tax bill you should also continue to claim the CB. He can settle it with HMRC when he does his tax return each year. That's the separate finances he seems to want.

Thank you for being polite - oh I know this is just standard stuff, but I was just trying to share that he’s not withholding everything from me.

I know modern men want child-rearing housewives that contribute a full time wage to the household. They want it all.

I paid the childcare bill “because it’s me that’s going back to work”. Honestly the rows we’ve had! So if I went full time, I’d be sucker punched with the scathing bill!

He’s very lucky that the threshold has risen this year so it luckily won’t affect us for the time being.

It’s most annoying that he could’ve earned £7000 less and I could earn £29000 more and we’d be entitled to the full amount.

Yeah sure, the financially abusive guy is great 🙈