Fat shaming baby

[Alee36]

Perhaps a bit of a sensationalist title! 😂 Writing mostly for a rant, but otherwise, for any genuine advice. More a 'am I being oversensitive' than unreasonable.

I am a ftm to my darling little girl, who is 3 months this week. She was born at 40+5, weighing 6 pounds 15, a decent and average birth weight I thought, though it was cited that she was 'small for her gestational age', by a number of midwives and by health visitors at subsequent visits.

LO is ebf, and was slow to put on weight, not any cause for concern, though consistently mentioned, and I was asked to consider supplementing feeds with formula (I didn't in the end as she started to catch up).

At her last weigh (14th Oct) my LO was 13 pounds 4, I've taken her today and she is 15 pounds 6. I am/was absolutely made up and relieved with her weight gain, given her slow start and the fact that breastfeeding is so hard to quantify.

The health visitor on hand today said 'hmmmm she's in the 91st percentile and hasn't moved since last time, bring her back for monitoring next month'. I was anxious as my first assumption was that she wasn't weighing enough, but when I asked if all was okay, she said that if my baby was bottle fed, they'd be suggesting dropping a few ounces, but that they couldn't say that to me. Then she said 'I can see that she's tall, so maybe it's okay'.

MAYBE??? What's the issue here, is there one? I was also struggling to get back on my baby's suit as she was wriggling and the woman said 'maybe it's a bit small for her'. (It isn't). I was outraged. I'm not slim myself so felt like there was an overall judgement there. I'm probably being oversensitive, but convinced it was an odd exchange all round. AIBU?

Is my baby huge? Can you overfeed breastfed babies?

Thanks!

A breast fed baby can’t be over fed
your HV sounds ridiculous

I don't think you can overfeed a breastfeeding baby. I would just ignore her and somewhere else next time.

Goodness me what a ridiculous thing for the HV to say . Your baby sounds like she gaining weight beautifully ignore her

You are doing a fabulous job- congratulations! Whatever you are doing just continue. She will grow at her own pace. It won’t always be linear and after a few months nobody is even interested unless there is signifiant growth restriction.

It’s very hard to ignore comments, especially from a HCP but on this occasion you can.

Im a retired midwife of a very long time.

HV being daft, D was top centile for weight, was the same for height once she started stretching out. Exclusively BF and was and has been fine. HV is being cautious and that's fine they are to go off the charts. FYi: DD was 5 ft 10 by age 12 and a fantastic swimmer and rugby player.

Did develop Severs Disease which is common in very tall children but disappears when they are fully grown and not something to worry about right now

How on earth can you overfeed a breast fed baby, they are talking a load of bunkem, ignore them and carry on doing the fabulous job you are

Ignore it. People comment on your babies weight or height all the time. It’s so frustrating. I had so many comments after my son’s birth how big he was (9lbs which is big but not huge) and his big his hands and feet were.

People will always comment. “Oh she’s a little thing isn’t she, oh he’s big isn’t he, oh he is tall for his age! Wow she’s a chubby thing! I agree they shouldn’t say it, I feel like people think they get a free pass because it’s a baby.

You can’t over feed a breast fed baby. Also does my head in about the whole dropping ounces for bottle fed. Babies know how much they need, I think it’s cruel when they suggest putting a baby on a diet by giving them less oz than what they’d want.

Silly comment from the HV. You can’t overfeed a breastfed baby. You can’t remotely know how much she’s having, and breastfed babies are incredibly good at regulating their own intake and appetites.

Babies grow in fits and spurts. It’s a nonsense to suggest you should be worrying about her weight based on these changes. You’re doing a great job and can disregard your health visitor’s comments!

I’m not sure OP, but I’m in a similar position. DD2 was born small but put on weight quickly (EBF) and is quite tall too.
The “if you were formula feeding we’d suggest you fed less” seems to be common though - I got told that with DD1. It wasn’t long though before her growth spurt stopped and she became slimmer and always behind in clothes sizes. So I think that comment can be disregarded. I would also say that I found BF’ing really helpful in many regards, even if you can’t measure how much they’re getting.
Also being 91st centile still means that 9 out of 100 are bigger. And the nature of centiles is that someone has to be on every one 🤷‍♀️
So I hope that is at least partly reassuring, but I’m interested to hear what others have to say, not least because of how big my own DD2 is!

My baby was breastfed and I remember 3 months as being "peak chub". All little rolls of fat round their (lovely) arms and legs. I guess because they are feeding a lot and not really moving.

Once she started moving around she stretched out into a skinny toddler ... and the health visitor then started stressing about her being too skinny.

Now preteen and a completely normal size.

I would imagine you do not need to worry about it one bit!

My son was very big for dates all through my pregnancy, and, while I knew he had to be monitored for Gestational diabetes and so on, I found it unsettling that his size was all anyone seemed able to talk about. One appointment I got a doctor who I hadn't seen before, who gave me a big smile and said "Lovely sturdy baby!" It made me so happy. You've got a lovely sturdy baby @Alee36!

Just to add, extra monitoring tends to happen automatically when babies cross percentiles. It's a box ticking exercise. Some people do overfeed ff babies, or start them on solids early-you've just been caught in the net. Well done making that lovely sturdy baby of yours!

Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to health visitors, honestly

You could over feed her if you were pumping then bottle feeding, but directly from the breast no you won't be

Also you're doing a blood fantastic job, well done

sounds like your HV doesn’t have much experience of breastfed babies.

you are doing a brilliant job. Don’t let this make you feel bad.

You know your baby. If the nappies are good and they seem content, just ignore the HV.

I had a horrific experience with the HV (and medical professionals generally) because my baby was slow to gain - I wish I'd just trusted my gut, but I was a very anxious ftm. She's absolutely fine now, she loves her food!

You can't overfeed a breast fed baby. Carry on doing what you're doing.

OMG nobody wants a skinny baby.

OP when I think back to some of the things my HV said to my little group twenty years ago. All of them were EBF. Baby no 1 - he's on the small side isn't he. Does it bother you if he grow to be a small, puny man? He is a strapping six foot four rower now. Baby no 2 - she is a bit of a butter ball, isn't she? I said no she is absolutely perfect. She is indeed a willowy five foot ten young woman now (and she is still perfect). By the 3rd baby I'd stopped listening to them. Ignore them. Some of it is batshit crazy. Enjoy your baby.

You’ve done amazingly, breastfeeding is so hard and look how well your girl is doing all because of you! You can’t over feed her, she’s still so young and growing so fast - she needs all the goodness she can get. The HV sounds rubbish tbh!

Pfff

i had a baby the opposite. Mine was 2lbs at birth and 12lbs at 12 months with failure to thrive after having severe IUGR

my HV traumtised me so much that my pead told me to never see her again and that she’d write a letter to her telling her to politely back off

she did as well and I never had a problem since

dont sweat it.

HVs don't have a lot of breastfeeding training unfortunately. You cannot overfeed from the breast. It is possible to overfeed if you are bottle feeding expressed BM. It sounds like you are doing a great job.

Ignore her. Being 91st centile just means that she slightly bigger than ‘average’ but if we didn’t have kids who were high centile or low centile then we wouldn’t have an average would we? 🤷‍♀️ My youngest DS is 98th centile, he’s not ‘fat’, he’s tall
and stocky (although he does only weigh 2lb less than my 9th centile almost 4year old who is tall and skinny.) Both were bottle fed from around 3 months and we’ve never been advised to drop a bottle with the youngest although he has consistently been 98th centile since birth.

I actually saw the HV about my youngest being 9th centile and not putting weight on which I found more
concerning than the youngest being high centile but they couldn’t give a shit about that, told me to give him more cheese 🙈.

Meant kindly, you're being oversensitive. Understandable if course.
You shouldn't change anything you're doing because you can't really over feed a EBF baby, your HV is creating problems where there are none imho.
Babies should ideally not gain or drop more than 2 percentile points but even then with an EBF baby under 6 months it's not really a big deal if they gain weight faster than that.
Just ignore and move on.

HV sounds a bit silly. Some baby has to be at the 91st percentile or what would be the point of the charts? How do you even limit the food of a breastfed baby? Your baby is probably fuelling up for a growth spurt.

Your baby has ensured her survival.

My LO was weighing 27# at 3 months old, and was EBF. Today she is 26mons and weight 28#

She was and still is 99 percentile. Healthy, strong, and smart.