To question nursery further about this?

[ARichtGoodDram]

Had a "can we have a word?" moment at nursery on Friday regarding 3yo DN.

I was informed that a member of staff had dropped something and, not realising that DN was behind them, said "fucking hell". They were very very apologetic, said the staff member had thought all of the children were in the garden, it won't happen again.

On Saturday at the park I though I heard DN say "fucking prick", but he was playing with a stick so thought maybe it was "fucking stick", however he has categorically just called one of the teddies he's got set up for his picnic a fucking prick. Completely in context as well. Big sigh, then "stop doing that Teddy!" loud, followed by "fucking prick" quieter.

There is a chance DN could have heard it somewhere before, but the timing seems a bit coincidental.

[DN is living with us atm in case of questions of why it would be me dealing with the nursery.]

Well that explains the f word but where did he learn prick? Why is he living with you?

I guess the question is what you want them to do about it? As you say, he could have heard it somewhere else, so will be hard to prove it's from the nursery - in fact, the very fact that they told you about it means they view it as an unusual and notable incident, so unlikely they're dropping the f-bomb all the time in his hearing.

I think he heard it at nursery. I think that's what the staff member said.

Not relevant why he's living here. Not due to violence or aggression or the like.

Unlikely that's started from from nursery, he is probably hearing it more regularly to starting saying it himself. They've already apologised, so what more is there to say?

It sounds very much like staff member called your n or another child a fucking prick and when he repeated it they have had to come up with a story to tell you to explain him saying similar

“Big sigh, then "stop doing that Teddy!" loud, followed by "fucking prick" quieter.“
this might be what actually happened and they have changed the details to avoid it sounding so bad but close enough to cover some of the language.

of course there is no proof of any of this so not sure how to advise.

This is what I think. It too much of a coincidence, and the context was spot on in his use

He's never sworn at all that I've ever heard. He's been living in my home for 6 months and I saw him daily before that.

Hence my thinking that it's very coincidental timing.

@ARichtGoodDram I cross posted with the person after me (who said nursery worker likely said it to DN) and I hadn't thought of that, after reading that post I can see what you mean.

Possibly off-base, but has he had a troubled home life before this? I'm just wondering if that kind of language is something he's heard in a previous home or environment, and hearing the nursery worker has sort of 'unlocked' memories of that and he's acting it out again, etc.

It would be a weird way to talk to a child, even when you were annoyed at them. Prick isn't really a word used about children IME, even when annoyed!

No. Hes not with us because of anything like that. He's a well looked after wee boy who had a normal life with his Mum until she got terminal cancer.

Why would the staff even tell you that? I don't believe them. I believe he's hearing the children being spoken to awfully.

Actually it's very likely that he heard it from nursery, since the nursery have basically already admitted it.
I also would want to discuss why the staff would be using language like 'fucking prick' in earshot of small children. The original explanation given may have been reasonable given the context of dropping something accidentally, but I would be interested to hear how they explained this one.

I would definitely ask them further in that case, and explain what you've been hearing at home.

I need to know if the nursery worker called a colleague a fucking prick not realising DN was there or if they called DN/another child a fucking prick.

Although in some ways I'm now wondering if it matters because will I believe them anyway even if they adamantly stick to saying that the worker said fucking hell after dropping something?

They have CCTV so the nursery manager should know exactly what was said.

How is it relevant to the thread or any of your business why DN is living with her? She should have lied and just said DC and then you wouldn't feel the need to be so nosy.

@Sparklfairy they clearly wondered if he'd been removed from his parents care and could have heard it from them. It was a relevant question, why be so rude?

Well that makes no sense at all and your judgement is showing. There was a thread here just a few days ago where loads of naice middle class MNers admitted to swearing in front of their children. It's not exclusive to neglectful rough types you know.

And I could have been a hell of a lot ruder, I was quite restrained tbh.

I think you should bring this up while they are acknowledging that this happened. He is coming out with language that for a start you can confirm he heard there.
As other words are now coming out, you can absolutely bring this up rather than down the line when they can say it's coming from home. They can't really deny it when they have admitted to one thing. The fact that he used it in context means he has seen it applied before.

They've apologised for an incident of swearing. It may well explain him saying it, or one of other kids could've heard it at home and he's got it off them. He could've heard it from older kids in the park? Either way you just need to tell him you don't call people nasty names or swear.
There isn't really much more the nursery can do. Unless you don't trust them to not swear around him constantly. But in that case he should go elsewhere.

Its very possible that he has also picked it up from another child at nursery who says it.

I agree completely with this!

@Sparklfairy it wasn't me who asked it. Yes you could have been ruder, but you are being rude and judgemental yourself (to that poster) so you are no better.

In nursery he will hear other kids swearing. Kids hear swearing from a lot of different places - mums, dads, grandparents, siblings, the plaground etc. etc. and they repeat these things.

I think it would be petty to ask the nursery about this non issue again. You need to accept he will hear bad language and will repeat it. Yes kids do seem to have a knack of using it correctly in context - both mine done it - we were impressed they knew how to use the words in the correct context.

If you dont make a big thing of it they will stop using the words and move on.

I have much older children of my own. It's not that I don't expect children to pick up bad language when out and about. I'm not remotely naive on that.

The issue is that from what he has said, and the context he used it in, I think he's heard the nursery worker call another worker or a child, or DN himself, a fucking prick.

And that's a very very different issue to him overhearing someone swearing because they dropped something. Especially if it was directed at a child.

If he'd said "fucking hell" after overhearing it in nursery I wouldn't have blinked. I'd have rolled my eyes and thought "bloody typical that he picked that up".

It's the sudden use of "fucking prick" in context so soon after he apparently heard a completely different swear phrase in nursery.