To question nursery further about this?

[ARichtGoodDram]

Had a "can we have a word?" moment at nursery on Friday regarding 3yo DN.

I was informed that a member of staff had dropped something and, not realising that DN was behind them, said "fucking hell". They were very very apologetic, said the staff member had thought all of the children were in the garden, it won't happen again.

On Saturday at the park I though I heard DN say "fucking prick", but he was playing with a stick so thought maybe it was "fucking stick", however he has categorically just called one of the teddies he's got set up for his picnic a fucking prick. Completely in context as well. Big sigh, then "stop doing that Teddy!" loud, followed by "fucking prick" quieter.

There is a chance DN could have heard it somewhere before, but the timing seems a bit coincidental.

[DN is living with us atm in case of questions of why it would be me dealing with the nursery.]

It is a very make swear word to use. Don't hear many women call someone a prick. Is the nursery worker male?
Any whiff of not being OK at nursery and I'd have them straight out. They're too small to tell you what's happening.

I am sorry that people have kept on prying trying to find out why your DN lives with you.
it wasn’t relevant to the story.

Yes, that's possible

You need to address it with the nursery because it's likely your nephew will say it in front of another child and that child will say it to their parents and the finger will be pointed at your nephew.

Now we have male and female swear words? I've said prick, my friends have said prick. Jfc

It could be a complete coincidence, ask the Manager to look at the CCTV.

I would be upset too if i thought nursery staff were swearing in earshot of the kids.

Also he's fortunate to have you, when horrible things happen it's amazing when others can step in

I don't think you'll get to the bottom of this, so perhaps not worth stirring up bad feeling?

He could have heard it just about anywhere. I'm afraid children do! I'm horrified by how often my 4yo swears - he is awaiting diagnosis and is very likely autistic and has "catch phrases" that he repeats over and over again and it's incredibly hard to get him to drop one until one day he suddenly does. They've all been inoffensive previously, just random words or phrases but The current one is "bloody hell". It's kind of hard to look the other mums in the eye at the moment.....as their kids are now being exposed to swearing and could pick it up too.

Talk to your nephew about it. Does he understand the concept of something being rude?

@ARichtGoodDram Have you tried asking your DN where he heard those words? Make it clear he's not in trouble.

It's likely he heard stuff calling someone else that quite loudly and repeated it!

I think the staff have made up a cover story. I'd be asking if they were sure those were the words he had over heard a member of staff saying, as that's not the words he keeps repeating! See if they squirm!

I spoke to the nursery manager yesterday morning (she wasn't in on Friday) and she's confirmed today that he did hear the phrase "fucking prick" at nursery. Not fucking hell as I was told.

Manager has made an appointment tomorrow morning to discuss it fully, but she has said it wasn't aimed at DN.

Now I need to wait and see how it unfolded and then decide if I can send him back to a nursery where his keyworker lied to my face about what was said, presumably to cover for what actually happened.

If it was aimed at another child then it'll be an easy decision.

Don't be daft. Women use it as much as men .
I agree that it sounds like that was what was said rather than funking he'll but nursery needed a more reasonable explanation if he came out with f word rather than the nursery worker was referring to staff or kids.

It'll be interesting to see what they have to say.

The term "prick" is surely something that wouldn't be aimed at a child??? More likely a member of staff referring to someone they didn't like that wasn't there at the time (e.g. "my boyfriend is a fucking prick").

But... 3 year olds won't generally pick up and repeat something from an adult to adult conversation. They're much more likely to repeat things when the words are directly at someone in the room and said with emotion, or shouted at them or a friend.

The whole lying thing is not on. It's not just lying - they've actually put together an entire story to cover up what was said!! I wonder how long they spent concocting this story, and if they're now coming up with another story to tell you?

I'd be wanting to know the EXACT context the phrase was used, the volume it was said at, and exactly how a 3 year old heard it clearly enough to repeat it.

If you suspect ANY more bullshit from them, I'd be contacting OFSTED. I'd also be expecting the staff who swore to be fired, and if they aren't, then again I'd contact OFSTED.

I'm all for equal ops in swearing (I'm a sailor) but I still think there are gender-based preferences, Oh look, a survey. (sorry for derail op)
Frequency of swear words by gender per million words. | Download Table

I suspect (and hope) nursery staff didn't call a child that but were chatting to each other, then noticed he was listening in. Or he repeated it and then they realised he had learned it from them. Perhaps the F*ing hell was a cover story. Or maybe they overheard him say the hell version but didn't realise he learned prick too.

I think you should say it, ask if other kids are saying it or was it a member of staff. If nothing else it will make them more careful. It's poor form to be cursing around kids. I work in a nursery and one thing I would say it people who curse a lot tend to let slip sometimes and it should be addressed. Staff chat through the day as they would anywhere and some kids are great for sneaking up and have a listen.

The fucking hell was indeed a cover story.

The "fucking prick" was actually "fucking little prick" and was about a child. Out of earshot of that child, but within earshot of a couple of children including DN.

The nursery manager has handled it all well tbh. She's done all the things she should and followed the processes she should. I've no doubt it'll all be dealt with appropriately. DN's social worker is on the case as well so won't let it be quietly dropped.

I have removed DN from the nursery. None of the other staff in the room flagged the incident to the manager. None of them flagged up that myself and another parent/guardian were given a made up story. That to me suggests that it's not the first time and it also says that overall attitude in the nursery is protecting each other as adults rather than highlighting issues for the sake of the children so I don't want him there.

God that's awful
I hope that staff member is sacked!
Don't blame you for taking DN out, done the right thing x

Well don’t for not letting it lie and taking action about removing you nephew from a potentially toxic environment.

i hope you find another’s nursery soon.

i agree that it’s. It so much that it happened which really isn’t great especially when in earshot of the children, it is the covering up and the fact that other staff think it’s not something worth reporting etc
it is that it took you to push (which not all parents do) for it to become more than a casual mention (lie) to you it bodes badly to the attitude of the adults in charge.

I’d let this one go as not much more to say on the topic and then if he repeats anything different raise it with them and ask them to monitor the other children’s language. He’ll pick up phrases from relatives / children along the way that isn’t ideal but it’s your job to try and teach him what’s appropriate. That’s all you can do - you can’t prove he is repeating it from staff so I’d let it go

Oh just saw your update!!! Well done for getting to the bottom of it - ugh why do these people get these jobs in the first place

That's horrendous. Please contact OFSTED directly to report then as clearly the child isn't being put first.

DN is settled at a new nursery. He seems to have just clicked with the new place.

We were always quite lucky that we decided to move quickly (and that the social worker happened to know the new place had spaces) as the original nursery has shut their doors.

I don’t know the full details, just that it wasn’t solely down to this one incident, but after a discussion with inspectors (not sure if Ofsted or a local council scheme they were part of) it was decided that the nursery should close immediately. There was talk of them re-opening, but their website was removed and the Facebook page was updated to say the closure was permanent. So there was a bit of a scramble for places.

One thing I did discover was that the nursery Instagram page, which was supposedly private and only for current parents, had over 1000 followers 😮 So the ball had been dropped massively at some point by the manager I think.

Oh I’m ready glad you came here and the advice helped you to decide to move.

it sounds like it was the best possible thing that could have happened.

i am glad he settled In To the new nursery