To think it's impossible to make friends when you have two young kids

[Meowingtwice]

I'm a fairly outgoing, friendly person. Ive had friends in the past. However since moving town 2 years ago I struggle to make and keep friends. We met a lovely family, only DC1 age 4 then kept falling out with their eldest DC - a personality clash. So I decided to stopped seeing them. I kind of felt bad but DC1 was having nightmares because of their disagreements.

We had other friends that moved abroad. On the school run I get on fine with the mums but if I suggest meeting it rarely happens, not enough to call them friends. The rare occasion someone wants to be friends they're not a person I want to be friends with ie don't share the same values.

Is it me? Am I missing something?

YABU - it's probably you or your family or you just live in an unfriendly town.

YANBU - it's so difficult to make friends and maintain friendships when you have a young family.

Thanks DC is 5. He has some very good nice friends. I get on with their parents but they're also v busy I don't see them much.

Thanks everyone. All the responses have been incredibly helpful.

Mainly I'm taking away I'm probably too quick to jump to conclusions ie that a person is or isn't looking to be a close friend or does/doesnt like me. And although I don't think there's anything wrong with caring about healthy food I need to watch how I come across. I think all parents do things differently and we prefer friends we have things in common with but its true it won't be everything.

Anyway this week I decided to just go to the park, a cafe and babygroup and prioritise having nice interactions rather than finding friends, and that was really nice anyway. I think I was feeling lonely more than anything. And I guess like that it just takes time.

Good. I am glad the thread has been helpful to help you reflect.

I think sometimes when I'm reading threads on MN, people underestimate the value of those friendships that are 'of a time' or even 'of a place' - like the passing friendships many of us have with parents of our dcs' schoolmates. But it also applies to those people you work with for a time, or those people who happen to have a baby at the same time as you, or people who happen to study the same course as you. You have things in common automatically (whatever has made the connection) and that 'friendliness' might only last for the duration of that situation, but it doesn't make it any less supportive or even fun than friends you might know for longer.
There is also a numbers game involved - the more people you are open to be 'friendly with', the higher the odds are of you just connecting with someone with whom you go on to have a deeper friendship. However when that doesn't happen, it shouldn't mean that the shorter term friendships are not valuable for their duration.

To be honest I found it easier to make friends when I had pre-school/primary school aged children than any other time in my life. Some of which have turned into really close friends.

Also, we rarely met up with the kids to be honest, largely because I was working full time. Sometimes we did stuff together with other familes at the weekend, but more than one or two families becomes unmanageable pretty quickly. We met up in the evenings: drinks, supper, parties, as well as school events.

The thing I struggle with is that all the mums at our school seem to have established friendship groups outside and whilst they are open to meeting up for play dates etc I’m not sure they are really looking for the same. Will see how it goes but I do wish there were ways to meet other people who are missing out on having a group

I get this. I sometimes go for walks with one if the school mums. In our conversations she's mentioned they have this close knit friendship group in the next village and have been friends for years. So I get that we wouldn't be close friends. It must be difficult if this happens a lot.

@Meowingtwice Literally every mum I have met had mentioned holidaying with groups of friends and their families. Makes me feel so bad that we don’t have anything like that

I used to feel bad about this but actually I don't mind, there are trade offs when holidaying with someone else and friends can even fall out because of it. So I would try not to worry about that aspect.

Have you met any new people via your baby? I have 2 DC, now adults and one of them was in a really great school year group and I’m still friends with several of the parents. The other child was in a different year and I didn’t click with any of them at all.

Trying to attend some different groups etc might open up new acquaintances. They only became real friends after a considerable time though. Having said that I wouldn’t think it remotely weird to be invited for a coffee after a couple of meetings and chats.

But you seem to be implying that there is a finite number of friends you can have.
This isn't the case at all.
Someone can have a "close knit friendship group" with one group of people and still have other friends, including other really good friends.

I think it's hard to make time for friendships when you have young children. I think it's better to get to know people that are in your circles with kids the same age. This doesn't mean that you will definitely forget a lifelong friendship but it's something you can build on and you might get lucky. Even then I those types of friendships have a shelf life and you drift apart when the children get older and you aren't going to the same child based or school events.