Why do parents say "You'll see" or "Just wait until..." to expecting parents?

[marriagehelpplease]

I've been thinking about something that's been bothering me lately, and I'd love to hear from parents who have found themselves saying phrases like "just wait until..." or "you'll see when you have kids" to expecting parents.

I'm currently pregnant, and what prompted this post was an interaction with a friend who made these kinds of comments completely unprompted - I hadn't even expressed any opinions about parenting or claimed it would be easy. It got me thinking about why this seems to be such a common response to pregnancy announcements.

What's particularly interesting to me is how unique this seems to be to parenting. We don't generally respond this way in other life situations. Imagine telling someone starting a new job, "Just wait until you've been there a year - you'll hate it!" Or telling a newly engaged couple, "You'll see how hard marriage really is!" We'd probably consider those responses pretty inappropriate and unnecessarily negative.

So I'm genuinely curious (not ranting) - if you've made these comments before, what was your mindset at the time? I wonder if it comes from a place of wanting to prepare others, or perhaps it's a reflection of your own challenging experiences?

I'd especially love to hear from those who've caught themselves doing this - what do you think drives you to make these comments?

Yes this

When my first friends became parents in the zeros it was actually all new to me. So i was glad they warned me about how hard and stressfull parenting can be. Told me stories about a world that I did not know of.

But nowadays their are a zillion tiktok-movies about mums with regrets and all the downsides of being a parent. It so it is almost impossible to not know these things.

I hated this! My pregnancy insomnia was worse in some ways because I had nothing TO be awake FOR. At least when baby arrives there’s a huge drive to get through things for them.

These comments fuelled my anxiety so I vowed never to say them (although I have thought it a few times in my head!) and instead I always say how excited I am for them to see how much better it gets at each and every stage (absolutely 100% true in my experience).

Good luck with your pregnancy OP! X

This is a fair point. Admittedly due to my own struggles I haven't been the most supportive Childress friend around