To give up on dating.

[denpark]

I'm at the stage where I think I might just give up & raise a house filled with cats.

Last three guys I've seen have been a nightmare one way or another.

First one - we dated for a few months then he went very quiet then texted me to say he's getting back with his ex (who was a friend of mine who dumped her long term partner to get back with him). This made me feel like I'd been a place holder.

Second one- dated for a bit then he turned up one night with a woman to a night out that our whole group was at. Proceeded to kiss her madly in front of me and everyone he caught my eye. We hadn't had an argument & hadn't technically stopped seeing each other.

Third one - good friend and I crossed a line and spent the night together after years of flirting. He's texting me constantly but has zero intention of taking things further.

I feel really fucking used. I clearly don't see the red flags and honestly thought these were decent guys.

The only perspective I can bring is that humans in general are hard work and I'm quite content as a cat-owning man. Though working in a public-facing role has probably coloured my perception of humanity. Socialising has definitely changed for the worse with the advent of "social media".

Online dating is soul-destroying. I met one woman who might have been 'the one' but was still on the rebound following a break-up so the timing just didn't work. Otherwise some were flakey (if you're on a dating app surely you're hoping to actually meet someone, no? We've been messaging for ages and every suggestion for coffee or activities is met by an excuse) and others seemed keen but then just ghosted without a trace. Then of course there were some who did actually meet up, but it turned out that we weren't well matched, such is life. I'm not in a particularly densely-populated area so that does limit the pool of would-be matches in what is essentially a numbers game.

One of the main issues with online dating is how superficial it is. One goes in with preconcieved arbitary notions of what you want and rejects anything which doesn't meet it exactly. In real life things aren't so black & white, no one is walking into a bar with a tape measure and automatically rejecting out of hand any men who are 5'11" or women who don't fit whatever cookie-cutter stereotype men say they want on dating profiles (I've no idea what other men put on their profiles, except for the odd screenshot of an incel profile which does the rounds).

Maybe I'll bump into someone the old-fashioned way. Until then, for the sake of my sanity I'll be happy with just a cat for company. I'm not going to go out of my way to find someone, I've not got the emotional energy for any "chasing".