To give up on dating.

[denpark]

I'm at the stage where I think I might just give up & raise a house filled with cats.

Last three guys I've seen have been a nightmare one way or another.

First one - we dated for a few months then he went very quiet then texted me to say he's getting back with his ex (who was a friend of mine who dumped her long term partner to get back with him). This made me feel like I'd been a place holder.

Second one- dated for a bit then he turned up one night with a woman to a night out that our whole group was at. Proceeded to kiss her madly in front of me and everyone he caught my eye. We hadn't had an argument & hadn't technically stopped seeing each other.

Third one - good friend and I crossed a line and spent the night together after years of flirting. He's texting me constantly but has zero intention of taking things further.

I feel really fucking used. I clearly don't see the red flags and honestly thought these were decent guys.

Give yourself a break for a while. Go back to it when u feel on top form- will be easier to identify the assholes. Might go back to it in the future- not looking forward to it to be honest.

It's not nice out there, tbh. So many utter arsehole.

Sounds like you need some single time, time to find yourself and learn to appreciate yourself. You can't find love until you've found yourself.

I haven't dated post divorce on purpose for quite a while to make sure that I was happy in myself, which I am. I just seem to choose poorly.

You don't say how old you are, OP.

I'm dating in my mid-30s and the 'pool' is honestly mostly complete dog shit.

I'm taking a break atm. Will restart when I temporarily forget the horrors of it, probably. (Rinse and repeat.)

I no longer date OP, as my experience was pretty much what you describe.

It's hard to choose better when the pond is full of scum.

And I know, I know, "NAMALT". But fucking hell the blokes that are worth giving time to are few and far between, and I couldn't find one.

They all seem to be seriously inadequate in fundamental ways that are absolutely necessary to having a happy, healthy relationship.

Make some fun plans for yourself for the next few months and decenter men for at least a while whilst you find your feet with joy in other areas of life 🌺

Dating is horrific but I’m sure you’ll have people telling you it’s not that bad, usually the ones who settles down decades ago and have no recent idea of how bad it actually is.

I don't think I will ever date again.

I'm 53.

And whilst it would be lovely to meet a man who is genuine, attractive etc, it just isn't going to happen.

I have accepted that and now focus on other things.

I can't risk the headfuckery anymore.

Overrated

most men are animals… it’s a losing game.

I’m 55 and the same. I can’t even bring myself to try. I suspect all the good ones are already married and have been for years.

And upon reflection of my romantic life from the age of 18, no man has really brought much positive to me. It's been controlling or dismissive or some other negativity. Bits of fun but not really really good fun.

I kind of like getting on with my life thinking nobody can mess me up or pull the rug from under me again.

It's just not worth it.

Lots of women learn to live a full life on their own and love it. I have been accused of being cynical but IME when you get to the stage where you are in the post divorce stage, you soon find out why their ex wives divorced them!

The main value men have ever brought to my life is social value of not being single and people saying "ohh you're dating so and so." Pretty sad really!

In my 50s and given up, the dating pool is thin to non-existent.

I sometimes go on the friend finder section on Bumble. The difference in quality between the women on there (though it's true not all are single so not direct comparison) and the men available to date is stark.

This has been my experience too.

Of course, countless men say they are divorced. However, their current wives would probably disagree! I fear being the other woman, and not realising.

Bereavement and men have been the only 2 reasons that I've ever cried.

There is something very freeing about knowing I never again have to wonder why someone has suddenly become secretive with their phone, never again dealing with moodiness and aggressive behaviour, cleaning up after a man's horrific toilet habits... a long list of horrible stuff that will not be in my future.

Men must say the same. All the good women are married. If you are dating at this age is for a reason. Cat lady, etc. It is a losing game for everyone.

I disagree that "all the good women are married", and I agree that there is a reason why you are dating at a certain age.

My reason is that my ex-husband was physically and emotionally abusive, hence why I left him.

I was not abusive.

What exactly does 'cat-lady' conjure up for you that is so negative? I have never understood why this term is used as a slur against women tbh. It feels very misogynistic.

I'm 40 and gave up three years ago. Honestly just don't bother x

I would say I'd love to know the men's perspective on this but they'd probably just say none of us are accommodating which is why we are single.

So be it.

I am curious as to how different life will be no men are no longer a priority for me.

I spent ages mooning and moping after men. None of whom looking back were anything special really. Married a man who turned out to be a violent, adulterous thug who had left me flat broke.

So surely all that's a lesson. I wonder if I will miss the male gaze as I age.

I have been with my current DP for 7 and a half years now before him I was married in a abusive relationship and before that got used like you describe for a fuck

My current DP is the best man I've ever met and in the event I became single now I would never date again and he said the same to me

Good men are definitely difficult to find now

I'm 40 and I can't face it anymore. Most men I've met are looking for a mummy for themselves and/or their kids, a housemaid or a silent sex doll. Sometimes all of these combined!

Men around my age seem to hate women with opinions who will stand up for themselves.
I have a car, a (rented) home and a full time job I love and they either want in on it or they want to tear me down.

I have some standards - any mans needs to have a job, drive and not live at home with mummy. I would like an equal, not because I want their stuff or money, but so I can be treated with respect and not have to drive everywhere.

My ex-P and my ex-H were both like this but it took a long time for me to see it. Its fucking depressing.

I'm in my 40's and I completely echo what a lot of you are saying on here.

The men that are single around my age are 98% of the time clearly the reasons behind their divorces. They are so problematic (even though I don't always see it at first)

And then you have the younger ones. What on earth is THAT all about? It's very odd!

I think I'll definitely stay single now. I cannot deal with this bullshittery any more.

Most decent men will be married before they're 40.

A small number will may become available again if their partner dies. These are probably the best bet if you can find one.

Divorce happens to decent people too though.

I feel the same. 15 years single. Few short term things - all disastrous. Not deciding that is it though, keeping an open mind. You never know.