Paper thin walls, how to approach neighbours?

[IchWill]

Hello, posting on behalf of my friend. She's just bought her first home, a 1930s semi.

She has been looking forward to the move, as she previously lived in a flat in a not so nice area, with lots of antisocial behaviour and noise.

She admits she's sensitive to noise, but since moving in, she's so stressed out, as the noise from her neighbours is really affecting her.

To compound matters, both properties were vacant when on the market, so the neighbours only moved in a few weeks before my friend did and are unlikely to know how thin the walls are and since my friend moved into the house (alone) she has been tip toeing around her own house and keeping her voice down on calls etc (she works from home).

The neighbours are a family with two children, she said they are really nice. But when she approached former neighbours in her flat about noise (even though she was polite) it started a hate campaign with the neighbour deliberately being noisy and antagonistic towards my friend.

I thought my friend must be exaggerating, as I live in a semi and only hear noise next door if they have a party. But when I heard friend's neighbour for the first time, I was genuinely shocked by how loud they were, it was like they were in the same room.

I said to my friend, to stop tip toeing around and then her neighbours can hear how thin the walls are and to also speak to them gently.

But she doesn't know how best to word it. She's only been there a couple of months and is talking about selling up. But I said to maybe explore soundproofing the house, as it might be cheaper than moving.

So, I'm after advice on the following, please.

How best should she approach neighbours?

Does anyone have experience with soundproofing? Does it actually work? How expensive is it?

Thanks in advance. 🙂

Oh that's tricky if they're being antagonist about it!! I hear my neighbours all the time, but we're definitely louder (little kids Vs teens) so I'm forever apologising to them and they tell me they're very hard of hearing and haven't ever heard us 😂

Id definitely stop tip toeing as a first action!! Can't live like that. Hope she gets some answers.

It was her previous neighbours in her flats who were antagonist when she raised it. New neighbours seem nice, but she doesn't want to start a war in case it blows up.

I’ve got similar issues with paper thin walls. Definitely stop tiptoeing. If they’ve both moved in at a similar time this might make a conversation with the neighbour easier in an “oh my goodness we’ve both just moved in and how thin are these walls? What was your previous home like?” Just to open up the discussion.

I’ve looked into soundproofing, there was one company I saw which looked legit and effective with excellent reviews. I think they’re called quiet co, but it was thousands per room so I’d rather put money towards saving for a detached house.

I think maybe as a first line of action she needs to do things that make a bit of noise herself. Maybe listening to the radio, playing some music, closing cupboard doors with a bit of a slam... nothing antagonistic, nothing out of the ordinary, just noises that everyone makes. With a bit of luck the neighbours will realise how loudly they can hear HER normal living noises and think that she can hear them just as clearly, which might help them try to keep it down a bit.

I suggest she moves. You can’t curtail a family with kids.

I'd go with the soundproofing solution because even if she talks to her neighbours and they do keep it down, if the walls are paper thin, she'll continue to hear the noise.

What kind of noise is it though? If it's just day to day normal life noise, there's not much that can be done. Most people understandably aren't willing to tiptoe around their own homes. If it's just normal family life she's hearing, not loud music being played at 3am or that kind of thing, then I doubt she'll have much luck. She would be better off looking at soundproofing, earplugs, etc.

The family with kids are entitled to live a normal life

And so is your friend - she shouldn't feel she has to tip toe around. Maybe if she puts on a radio or music in the background it will make any sudden noises from next door less intrusive.

Also if she is now away from the noise type ASB of her previous place maybe she will gradually feel less 'on alert' and bothered by the noise.

However if the walls really are that thin look into soundproofing as well.

Maybe a detached next time?

I get it’s annoying and I would look at sound proofing - the best houses have the stairs in the middle so the noise is lessened.

I don't think there's actually much benefit in approaching the neighbours. From what you say it's not that they're being excessively noisy, just that the walls are thin and normal living noises are travelling through.

What would your friend actually expect them to do differently if she approached them? You say she's 'tiptoeing' around her home and speaking quietly. Would she be expecting them to do the same? I think that's incredibly unrealistic, particularly for a family with children. Soundproofing the dividing wall or moving to a detached property are the only options.

I am SO grateful that I live in a detached house!

Thanks everyone for your varied responses and advice. I'll pass this all on to her.

So, for those of you asking about what type of noise, you can hear talking and their TV at a normal level though the walls, but the noise really driving my friend to distraction is screaming and shouting, mainly from the kids having tantrums and arguments most evenings. The parents don't react or respond often to the tantrums, so the screaming tends go on for a while.

@littleburn I think you make a valid point. She could approach theneighbours and as they are nice, they could reply that they'll be mindful, but in reality as the walls are as thin as they are, it's ultimately not going to improve.

Which I guess means either the soundproofing route or moving house. So my friend needs to explore both costs really and weigh things up.

As it seems to be fairly normal family noise, the issue seems to be the thin walls and your friends sensitivity to noise. Therefore I wouldn’t mention it to the neighbours and I think the options are for her to sound proof or sell up. Realistically if shes that sensitive to noise she needs a detached house with no one close by. She can’t expect people to not make normal amounts of noise.

I had a similar issue when I first moved to my current house - I’d previously had an issue with a noisy neighbour that caused me a great deal of stress. So to find myself woken by my neighbour’s screaming children every morning set the stress back off again.

I did have soundproofing installed in one room, it was an acoustic matting type thing (very dense) fitted to the wall itself then a false wall with rock wool sandwiched in between. It really wasn’t cheap (hundreds of pounds to do one wall and that didn’t include labour) but it did make a huge difference. And over time I grew used to the kids as background noise, plus they grew up.

ETA you don’t need to do all the walls, just the adjoining ones. And probably just the main living areas, e.g. sitting room and bedroom.

What’s the configuration of the house? Could she relocate her bedroom / main living space so it doesn’t attach to the neighbours?

Then in the rooms that do attach, built in cupboards and lots of books on those walls might help a bit, plus thick carpets

I would be looking at built in / fitted cupboards on the shared walls.
We have built in wardrobes in both our bedrooms (on the shared wall) and our neighbours have been amazed they have never heard our toddler upstairs. Even when he was a small baby and up half the night.

Please don't bother saying anything. She's got to live there and things can turn unpleasant.
Put up with it, I'm sure they can hear her as well.
Some old houses do have paper thin walls, the way they are built. Nothing will be gained by speaking to the neighbours about it.

I second looking at the configuration of rooms. I grew up in a house like this and my parents still live there. In the last few years they've added bookshelves wall to ceiling on the shared walls downstairs, and they added sound deadening insulation to the back of the bookcases. Upstairs the shifted the wardrobes to the shared wall and put the bed on the other wall. It's has made a substantial difference. They did it all themselves, with help from my brother to shift furniture.
Mum also has the radio on almost all the time which I think helps. Your friend will be much more aware if she lives her life in silence.
Acoustic boards and wall hangings can also help deaden noise.
It's miserable to constrain behaviour just in case you upset neighbours, encourage to not do that, she'll end up hating the house.

Although you don't get neighbour noise through the walls being detached, you still get other neighbour problems.

If it's the kids yelling and crying that gets to her most, she's shit out of luck as it'll likely be taken as a criticism of their parenting.

I'd look at noise deadening. Furniture on the dividing walls etc.

I agree it's likely to be about soundproofing

I live in a not so soundproof house but people have a right to live lives in an ordinary way. If it's say music late at night, excessive noise then it's completely reasonable but ultimately if it's just everyday noise then there's no way of stopping it

I currently can hear my neighbours kid wrestling, but ultimately he's allowed to wrestle. He's not making excessive noise and in reality they can't make a 5 year old tip to round the house for fear of upsetting me

I think I'd be looking at how to soundproof the rooms that most affect her. If she was to put up soundblock plasterboard on the party wall that would definitely help, as do soft furnishings, so carpeting, rugs, curtains, etc.

If her neighbours are a family, even if they are aware of how much noise is passing through the wall they aren't realistically going to be able to keep their DC silent, and nor should they. So the onus is really on her to soundproof her property if the noise is bothering her that much.

Soundproofing should work out far cheaper than moving, given stamp duty.
I have friends in a semi that was previously part of a larger stone house, they could hear the neighbours a lot when they moved in.
They put in soundproofing, I've stayed with them in the room that is against the party wall and never heard a thing, it was like being in a detached house. So it hopefully will be possible for her to get a good result.

Regarding configuration, the reception rooms and office are on the adjoining wall. Upstairs the double rooms are on the adjoining wall. 😓

Thanks for that soundproofing information @OttersAreMySpiritAnimal

@category12 you make a good point. It could backfire for that reason.

They might split the costs of soundproofing. For privacy reasons really. Worth asking nicely.