Paper thin walls, how to approach neighbours?

[IchWill]

Hello, posting on behalf of my friend. She's just bought her first home, a 1930s semi.

She has been looking forward to the move, as she previously lived in a flat in a not so nice area, with lots of antisocial behaviour and noise.

She admits she's sensitive to noise, but since moving in, she's so stressed out, as the noise from her neighbours is really affecting her.

To compound matters, both properties were vacant when on the market, so the neighbours only moved in a few weeks before my friend did and are unlikely to know how thin the walls are and since my friend moved into the house (alone) she has been tip toeing around her own house and keeping her voice down on calls etc (she works from home).

The neighbours are a family with two children, she said they are really nice. But when she approached former neighbours in her flat about noise (even though she was polite) it started a hate campaign with the neighbour deliberately being noisy and antagonistic towards my friend.

I thought my friend must be exaggerating, as I live in a semi and only hear noise next door if they have a party. But when I heard friend's neighbour for the first time, I was genuinely shocked by how loud they were, it was like they were in the same room.

I said to my friend, to stop tip toeing around and then her neighbours can hear how thin the walls are and to also speak to them gently.

But she doesn't know how best to word it. She's only been there a couple of months and is talking about selling up. But I said to maybe explore soundproofing the house, as it might be cheaper than moving.

So, I'm after advice on the following, please.

How best should she approach neighbours?

Does anyone have experience with soundproofing? Does it actually work? How expensive is it?

Thanks in advance. 🙂

Oh don’t I know it! I only have neighbours on one side and they’re twats.

Firstly she needs to have a normal level conversation with you in her house. Watch tv. Make the normal noise she would. Then after about a month she can approach them with a "I'm going to get soundproofing in do you want it done on yourside?"

Yes, then you just get the noise from the parties in the gardens. Wet summers have advantages...

But what nobody is asking is WHY is the soundproofing so poor! Houses should be built to such crap standards!

She needs to sound proof. They sound like they are living normally, not wild parties every weekend. They clearly need the tv at that level or it would be quieter. Anyone living in an attached house or flat needs to expect some noise, but she can dp things to reduce it. Unless she has enough for a remote detached property, she can't keep moving every time someone lives next door.

On God I live in one of these and it's a nightmare, but a nightmare which becomes easier to bear over time. For the first year I literally tiptoe around, had the tv on volume 7, whispered when I was talking, took phone calls outside, made all visitors sign up to a no bad language policy!!.... You can literally hear every single word being spoken, a sneeze or a fart! It made me feel intensely uncomfortable to talk about personal, private matters as I knew my neighbours would be able to hear the entire conversation... Over time though, my panic DID dial down to a normal level and accepted that neighbours wouldn't be especially interested in my conversations and they'd have to be sat very still to listen in. It is still shit and I'm still mindful of not having the tv or music too loud and I do lower my voice of discussing certain personal matters, but otherwise I get on with normal living. However, I am fortunate in that my neighbours aren't especially loud people and they're obviously aware of the paper thin walls too so keep the noise down. When they have a few visitors over into the early hours, it does drive me bonkers but they've got to live their lives in their own home and it would be massively inappropriate of me to complain. Your friend will get used to it, but she really doesn't have the right to say anything!

You can also reassure her that the children will grow out of the screaming stage (hopefully) quite quickly. Just don't tell her that they also grow into the 'playing loud music' stage or, if she's unlucky, the 'learning the recorder' stage...

But seriously they don't stay small for long, and the noise is unlikely to be permanent. But putting bookcases/furniture against the connecting walls will probably help.

people always jump on these threads to make this absolutely idiotic suggestion and "if you don't like noise maybe don't live in a flat" etc.

Yep I'll just upgrade from a semi to a detached with that spare two hundred k I keep in the bank.

Most people would LOVE to live in detached houses, they don't live in flats and terraces because they get some illicit thrill from noisy neighbours but because detached houses are a) usually the most expensive and b) the rarest type of homes - and c) - particularly relevant in OP's friend's case, also usually the largest houses so least affordable for someone on their own.

What's this stuff called? Our bed is up against neighbours bed? Separated by a thin wall and the same floorboards. We have carpet and paid for an insulated plasterboard when we renovated but not helped.We hear him having sex and imagine he he's our DCs! We can't have them in our bed on the weekends in morning as we would wake him at 6/7am.
Before he moved in we had neighbours who pulled their kids in at 7am and screamed the house down in bed playing and we were kid free, it drove us loopy.
We don't want to do the same back to him but really what to have DCs in our bed! Would like to invest in this!

The kids are about 10-12 years old. I did say they might move out in 8 years! 🙈

Are you the friend?

My friend wanted a detached house, but could only afford one on estates with similar antisocial behaviour akin to where she used to live, or by sacrificing a room.

I've spoken to her just now and told her what's been said on here. (Thanks again everyone). She thinks she will have to look again at her finances (she's self employed) and see if she can stretch to a detached. But losing a bedroom might have to be the sacrifice now she's in the position she's in.

That's the way it was back then I guess. I lived in an old Victorian semi detached once.

You could hear next doors phone ring, the light switch going on and off. The TV.
It's just people living their lives, I wouldn't choose it again though, now I know what I know.
Live and let live. Same for everyone living in those types of houses.
Mentioning it, will only cause an atmosphere.
Neighbours could then get worse by being deliberately louder.

Nope. Genuinely not. She's not on here, so I posted.

I live in a semi detached house myself and don't hear my neighbours unless they throw a party. My house was built in the 1980s, maybe soundproofing was more of a thing then compared to the 1930s.

Soundproofing is going to be much cheaper than moving!

She needs to at least tell them that she can hear everything. She’s creeping around and not mentioned it so how will they know? As a pp said tell her to mention in conversation how awful thin the walls are. They might not be able to be completely silent but they might be more considerate when the dc are shouting in the evening.

@increasinglyconcerned I can’t remember but it was something like “high density acoustic wall covering”. It’s black and rubbery, and so incredibly dense that it’s very heavy. Then there was rock wool then the false wall which was just plasterboard on a wooden frame, then papered and painted like you would a standard wall.

I live in a small Victorian terraced house. One neighbour has the tv so loud we can hear it word for word unless ours is on quite loud. The other side have kids that thunder up and down the stairs all the time, a dad who slams the front door so loud you can feel our house shake, and we can also hear their phone ringing quite clearly. Then there’s the kids screeching full volume in the garden every summer.

Ahh. 😆 They are nice people on both sides and this is the reality of living in a terraced house. We are hoping to buy a detached home next.

I have single brick walls.on my terrace. One side is quiet just someone on their own. Otherside is family and kids lucky only share kitchen wall but my God they are so bloody loud I can be furthest point in my house and still hear them talking. When their kids screaming and boy do they let.them scream for ages I just turn my music so it's loud enough to drown it out and wwll it might piss them off hearing it but why shoikd I have to hear the screaming

I am saving up for sound proofing on the side with my quieter neighbour as we share bedroom and lounge but I know he is ever moves and a family move in it's gonna be alot more noisy. So if I cant move to a detached house at least I can soundproof. Lucky I can lost the space just about so will be building a false wall as that is the best way, obv sound could travel via joists but it'll be a huge improvement

I had soundproofing fitted in all my shared walls. It is fab. I suggest she gets that costed up then see if it’s easier to move.

was about 1k a wall maybe more. There are multiple options, depending how much room you want to give up.

Really? I doubt it's anything near as severe though as sharing walls with a neighbour.