Doing favours for a friend that doesn’t do favours for you

[WasteOfPlateRealEstate]

Do you do favours for people who don’t help you out when you need help?
a friend who I have distanced myself from has just gone on holiday for a month. Recently she wouldn’t help me out in a medical emergency and that cemented my decision to step back. She knows I’m ill at the moment with a nasty infection but I’ve just had a message asking if I’ll put her bins out, collect a delivery and bring her milk in because she’s forgotten to cancel it for the month. She’s not asked if I’m feeling better and the message was all about her and how she was annoyed that another friend had distanced themselves from her. Would I be unreasonable to stay home and not do her bins, get her delivery and bring her milk in? I’m not going to have room in my fridge for a months worth of milk and I haven’t room to be storing a months worth of parcels either. Surely if you’re going away for a month you don’t arrange for deliveries for that time. Last time she did this there was a mix up with parcels that I had to sort out for her. I’m wondering why I did it now because it wasn’t my problem to sort out. She certainly wouldn’t do that kind of favour for me. I might be being a grump with being ill but AIBU?

apologies if this is formatted wrong. I’ve never done a poll before because I was on the app and didn’t have the option to make one or vote.

What words did she use to decline picking your child up from school?
Use those exact words back.

Neither of you appears to much like the other. I don’t regard friendship as a matter of reciprocal favours, but it doesn’t sound as if there’s a great deal of fondness or respect going on here to fuel the expectation of favours?

I hope you feel better soon.
Mute her messages and stop responding.
When she said no to your A&E request that should have been when you muted her.
Simply never respond to her again.
She is not your friend.

Things changed when I got wise to her using people. Before that things were great and I’d have said we were very close. She is very opinionated and won’t hold back on what she thinks but I always try not to upset people if my opinion is different. I spoke my mind over something and she didn’t like it and things have gone from not great to worse. It definitely wasn’t a reciprocal favours thing at all. That’s not friendship to me.

"Hi X, sorry, but I'm not well enough to take on anything extra at the moment. Enjoy your trip!"

And by some chance that you do agree, obviously the milk is yours to drink/use/distribute amongst friends and neighbours for the month? She's not going to want a months worth of milk, much of which would be very out of date, surely??

I think she’s trying to get you back in the people pleaser box. It’s her way of asserting dominance now that you’ve dared to voice an opinion.
She wouldn’t do a one-off favour, and she expects you to do a favour every day for a month without a hint of remorse at letting you down.

This is the best idea.

YADNBU.

Due to her mindless and selfish actions and especially for not helping you when you have been ill just tell her no.

Refuse to do her bins, refuse to collect her parcels and any other job this cheeky cow has expected you to do.

I would have told her to go and get stood on.

Tell her what you said in your post about your fridge being full and she should have already made arrangements before going away on holiday for her milk and parcels......you are not a mat for her to wipe her feet on, she will have to deal with the consequences.

If she asks again about further days perhaps you could say something like
"To be honest I'm hurt that you wouldn't help me in a one off emergency and then expect me to run daily errands for you that are not urgent".

Why can't she cancel her milk? Is she going to the North Pole? Most places will even do it by email.
Just say sorry you are not well and can't do it. End of.

I thought this too, and I believe it's a way to hoover the op back into a friendship.

I like this!

I’m not even asking her about cancelling the milk. It’s up to her to sort it out. She has a container for parcels but if they go missing it’s not my fault. I’m too tired to bother with any of it.

It's a shame you've replied back , this would've been so much more satisfying if you'd read it then not responded.

Her bins- well there will be last weeks rubbish but nothing more will be added when she's away -it might stink to high heaven but not your problem

Her delivery - it can go back to sender

Her milk- she needs to cancel and whatever is left on the doorstep will get wasted or pinched . Again not your problem.

Don't say "sorry I can't " or "I'm ill" if she asked you later you can say you read it but fell asleep then thought 'well you;re bound to have got it sorted '

That would be a no.

I've not said sorry. I've just said I'm ill. I'm not elaborating. CFs always want you to elaborate I find. She's out on a safari type holiday and has patchy phone coverage and won't be in touch regularly because of that.

Some people are just terrible humans. The fact that someone would have the neck to ask you this after refusing to help you in a medical emergency! But I've met plenty like this in my time so it doesn't shock me but it's sad that you're even questioning this!

Tell her to eff off.

I'd say thanks for asking how I am! No i shant be doing any of those things, when you wouldn't help me when I desperately needed it. And you wonder why your friends are deserting you

Hell no, I'd be telling her no in the strongest terms. She's no friend.

I can’t believe she didn’t help you with your child in such an emergency. She needs to do one. She is definitely a user